Absolutely fekkin fuming

[almondflake]

We're Into the first day of a family holiday to Mexico with our daughter, her boyfriend and another couple .
It took us hours to get here and after a decent nights sleep , daughters boyfriend has had too much to drink and kicked off big time , storming round the hotel then kicking the hotel room door in . Luckily the hotel have not called the police , we've paid for the door , my husband has taken the boyfriend away to sober up , I'm sat in my hotel room with a distraught daughter .we're hoping to get him on a flight home tomorrow as he can't stay here , I'm absolutely furious with him, he's 24 and he's blaming it all on our daughter .
I'm not looking for solutions just venting really .

I could have written this near word for word about one of my exs. There was a lot I hadn’t told people about and it escalated massively on and just after a holiday. I had the foresight to pack up anything I really valued immediately which was just as well given what he did in the weeks that followed.

There will be a lot she hasn’t told you about and might never want to tell you about. Do not allow him to go back to their home and have unfettered access to the cat and her belongings though.

If you’re intent on sending him packing get someone, anyone to get there first and take anything she cares about including the cat. If they’re renting then don’t rule out malicious damage to their rental (think leaving taps running, smashing up the bathroom or deliberately burning the carpet) or non payment of utilities or damage to her vehicle if she has one/he has access.

Sorry if that sounds extreme - better to be prepared though. I hope you’ve all managed to get some rest.

I see that your daughter is in the role of 'sugar mummy' in respect of this man. I think his spoilt brat behaviour is driven by resentment that she has means and he is in the subordinate position of riding on her coat tails. That's why he's storming about wanting to be feared and respected- a little boy gangster man😶

Get on skyscanner… book him on the cheapest longest 3 connections flight to somewhere near his home.
Pray he doesn’t destroy daughters flat etc. He is defective merchandise- send him back.

I thought it was a point to consider tbh.

Stick him on a flight home, tell his parents, make him pay for his flight. What a loser. Hope you are all able to move on and enjoy a lovely holiday.

Forget bless her. She's done herself and him no favours by paying for him and covering.

I hope she's okay as it is still horrible as she has feelings for him but being away might help. Support her, don't tell her what to do. I'm sure you know not to.

What if he refuses to go home? Is he likely to agree or be obstinate?

Tell his parents? He’s not a child he’s 24.

I’m surprised no one has popped up yet to say that actually 24 is still a child so this is acceptable.

I’d send him home no matter what it cost. I’d pay just to get the dickhead home. I’d ring his parents and explain and I’d encourage her to never see him again. I’d be fuming too. X

… imagining him in the Mexican jail. ….

This. He is abusive and needs to go or she will give in again.

Me too

Why are people saying ring his parents? He's 24. Boot him out of the hotel and let him sort his own shit out.

Get him to the airport asap! Wanker!!

What a loser, kicking in a door on a holiday someone else paid for.

It'll be a good thing in the end though, if it gets her to dump him.

@Wallywobbles excellent advice 👌🏻

at that age we did all tend to be less accepting of our mothers advice .

Personally, I think having him 'stay' will give him the rest of the holiday to 'make it up to her' so she doesn't dump his cocklodging, abusive sorry butt. Kind of hoped they'd force the decision and get him out of there.

Some are clearly bizzarely thinking saying they’d tell mummy and daddy, couldn’t make it up could you.

You're not seriously thinking of paying for his flight are you?

Sod that!

And I hope you're using the word 'abuse' when discussing it with your daughter btw. Because he is an abuser.

The only thing alcohol did is bring out the true extent of his vile personality sooner rather than later. And show you he's so rotten he uses DARVO (deny the abuse, reverse the victim with the offender) after so blatantly acting like a psycho.

You owe him nothing. He can pay his own way home. Don't be bullied into thinking its your responsibility. Don't let your daughter pay for him either.

Tbh you don't want him going home and trashing your daughters house anyway.

He'll be out of the hotel tomorrow so not your problem anymore. He can doss at a hostel till some poor unfortunate family member pays for his flights. Just make it clear to the hotel he no longer has anything to do with your party.

If possible, I'd have someone back home change the locks on your daughters place too. So he can't get back in.

OP has said that the hotel have said he can stay.
How exactly is she supposed to force him to leave and pay for his own long flight home?

You need to be firm with your daughter and just repeat back to her what she said to you last night. Ask her what would she say to her best friend? She clearly is used to it. He can't handle his own emotions, imagine the same person when you have a child. Is he going to do anything to help? Where is money going to come from? She has given him an easy ride and he likes acting like a teenager.

@almondflake - I am so sorry and I hope your daughter will give him the boot now. But as another poster said, if he is living with her at home, your daughter may return home after the holiday and discover he has stolen things from her/trashed their house etc. Is it a rental place? Whose name is on the rental agreement? Can you get someone to go round to the house, rescue anything which matters to her - or even change the locks if the rental is entirely in her name? I'm assuming from what you said, he doesn't have his own place?

As she paid for the pair of them then you can't really force him out they are adults and paying their own way. You can however explain to them both that this has ruined your holiday, you can explain to him that you don't want any interactions with him for a couple of days, that his behaviour was appalling. You. An say to here that you are now scared for her and she can happily come and live at yours that she is always welcome but he is not.

Wow , thanks for all your input . It's 6.20 am here and to answer a few questions , my daughter isn't pregnant , the cat is being looked after by a friend , my daughter lives with him in a house we own , his parents are aware of what's happened and have been supporting my daughter . We don't want the police involved as Mexican police are so different to English police we'd rather get home and deal with this there not 5000 miles away from home .
My daughter is still in the room with me and her dad is next door with the boyfriend .
I have suggested she reads this thread but i don't think she's ready to yet .
Your support has been greatly appreciated and I do believe long term he needs to go , my daughter does have low self esteem which we try to bolster at any opportunity but ultimately as most of you say this is her choice not ours .