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Original poster

Absolutely fekkin fuming

394 replies

almondflake · 14/09/2024 01:47

We're Into the first day of a family holiday to Mexico with our daughter, her boyfriend and another couple .
It took us hours to get here and after a decent nights sleep , daughters boyfriend has had too much to drink and kicked off big time , storming round the hotel then kicking the hotel room door in . Luckily the hotel have not called the police , we've paid for the door , my husband has taken the boyfriend away to sober up , I'm sat in my hotel room with a distraught daughter .we're hoping to get him on a flight home tomorrow as he can't stay here , I'm absolutely furious with him, he's 24 and he's blaming it all on our daughter .
I'm not looking for solutions just venting really .

OP posts:
Floppyelf · 14/09/2024 16:18

Pinkbonbon · 14/09/2024 16:06

I think I'd be telling her I was taking back ownership of the house for now too. But that she's welcome to stay with you till she gets back on her feet and the housing situation can be revised once you know he's out of the picture and she's done some therapy to address things that are going on for her.

Another good long term solution

Aquamarine1029 · 14/09/2024 16:25

I would be telling your daughter if she makes the horrendous decision to stay with him that this POS is no longer allowed to live in the property you own.

Eastshitanddie · 14/09/2024 16:28
Donald Trump Rnc GIF by Election 2016

.

Butchyrestingface · 14/09/2024 16:28

my daughter lives with him in a house we own

That's handy at least. You can't force her to break up with him but you've an even's chance of getting him off your property once home.

Original poster
almondflake · 14/09/2024 16:31

I think this may be the last post , we've decided to deal with this when we get home .
He's mortified and embarrassed about what he's done as he should be , we shan't involve the Mexican police as the hotel don't want to get them involved either .
We said he should go home but our daughter said she wouldn't want to stay without him for whatever reason and I'd rather her be where I can see them .
So we're going to make the best of things as other family members are coming out today .
He's not allowed any alcohol and he's made apologies to the hotel who have said he'll be under surveillance for the rest of the holiday .
Thanks again for all your support and comments .

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 14/09/2024 16:34

We said he should go home but our daughter said she wouldn't want to stay without him for whatever reason

That's the worst possible news. Your daughter needs to take her blinders off.

Skyrainlight · 14/09/2024 16:36

Aquamarine1029 · 14/09/2024 16:25

I would be telling your daughter if she makes the horrendous decision to stay with him that this POS is no longer allowed to live in the property you own.

I would do the same. No way I would be paying for the relationship to work and for them to stay together.

shuggles · 14/09/2024 16:39

@almondflake OP, there are thousands of single men on dating apps that are all keen for a relationship.

Has your daughter thought about dating a normal person instead of a violent and abusive delinquent?

MonsteraMama · 14/09/2024 16:40

How sad. Your daughter is already trapped in the cycle. Hopefully he'll be on his best behaviour for the remainder of the holiday and she can kick his ass to the curb as soon as they get home.

Kicking a door in is how my best friend's abusive relationship started. It ended with him almost killing her. Don't ever, ever downplay the severity of this idiot's behaviour. Maybe have your daughter read Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft, I think there's probably a free pdf of it available somewhere.

CalicoPusscat · 14/09/2024 16:42

It doesn't look good that your daughter wants him there.

Where was he living before he moved into your house? Apologies if you've said.

Floppyelf · 14/09/2024 16:44

almondflake · 14/09/2024 16:31

I think this may be the last post , we've decided to deal with this when we get home .
He's mortified and embarrassed about what he's done as he should be , we shan't involve the Mexican police as the hotel don't want to get them involved either .
We said he should go home but our daughter said she wouldn't want to stay without him for whatever reason and I'd rather her be where I can see them .
So we're going to make the best of things as other family members are coming out today .
He's not allowed any alcohol and he's made apologies to the hotel who have said he'll be under surveillance for the rest of the holiday .
Thanks again for all your support and comments .

Wow. Good luck. She’s way too deeply in this shit. I bet your house that they have introduced drugs either cocaine or ecstasy into their relationship and her sense of being and intellectual ability has been ground down. If he can use her to get to you like he has just done. This is not worth the time… i’m out. There’s no point giving the OP a hard time because the actual victim is her daughter and the daughter is too thick to get away from him.

LBFseBrom · 14/09/2024 16:48

It would serve this chap right to have a very long flight home, with stops and changes. However you must do what you think is best. I hope you won't have to pay for it. It's good that his parents are aware and supportive.

The guy is 24, not 20 or under. He is ridiculously immature and a freeloader. What kind of a person gets drunk, out of control and tries to wreck the hotel. I hope your daughter bins him quickly with no returns.

Enjoy your holiday.

LeoOakley · 14/09/2024 16:54

almondflake · 14/09/2024 16:31

I think this may be the last post , we've decided to deal with this when we get home .
He's mortified and embarrassed about what he's done as he should be , we shan't involve the Mexican police as the hotel don't want to get them involved either .
We said he should go home but our daughter said she wouldn't want to stay without him for whatever reason and I'd rather her be where I can see them .
So we're going to make the best of things as other family members are coming out today .
He's not allowed any alcohol and he's made apologies to the hotel who have said he'll be under surveillance for the rest of the holiday .
Thanks again for all your support and comments .

It is a great shame this is being minimised. A greater shame you say your daughter wouldn't want to stay without him.

She is in deep. Plenty of people go overboard with alcohol, few end up kicking in a hotel door. Next time it could be her that takes the kicking.

NotARealWookiie · 14/09/2024 16:57

Oh no, I can’t believe she wouldn’t want to stay without him. Really she should dump him.

the cheap flight with many stops would have been ideal

TiredCatLady · 14/09/2024 16:58

Oh dear, I’ve just seen OPs update.

DD is still in the head in the sand, “if I placate him then maybe it won’t happen again/it won’t be my fault again” stage. “It was just this once” “but he apologised”.

Watch the prick like a hawk. He’s only upset/mortified because he’s been seen for the piece of shit that he is.

WeakAsIAm · 14/09/2024 16:59

"That's the worst possible news. Your daughter needs to take her blinders off."

This ⬆️

Original poster
almondflake · 14/09/2024 17:04

I can assure all of you that this is not being minimised but we are a long way from home which is a huge disadvantage .
He is a piece of shit and this will be sorted as soon as we get home .
My daughter is totally shocked by his behaviour and swears to both of us that it's totally out of character .
I will recommend she reads the book mentioned .
I know exactly what i would do in this situation but I'm a lot older and have more experience and that would not be giving him chance to do this again .

OP posts:
pictoosh · 14/09/2024 17:04

Don't berate the OP or her daughter. Neither are answerable to any of us.
It's their family, their decision.

So often in life we encounter the frustration of being denied a neat, palatable ending. People don't always do what you hope they will. In this case our knowledge is scant compared to theirs. They will do as suits them.
The OP knows it's not on and that's all we could have hoped to achieve on this thread. Don't be annoyed that there isn't more. It's not a soap opera.

HRHelpNeededPlease · 14/09/2024 17:10

almondflake · 14/09/2024 16:31

I think this may be the last post , we've decided to deal with this when we get home .
He's mortified and embarrassed about what he's done as he should be , we shan't involve the Mexican police as the hotel don't want to get them involved either .
We said he should go home but our daughter said she wouldn't want to stay without him for whatever reason and I'd rather her be where I can see them .
So we're going to make the best of things as other family members are coming out today .
He's not allowed any alcohol and he's made apologies to the hotel who have said he'll be under surveillance for the rest of the holiday .
Thanks again for all your support and comments .

I would have put money on it last night that this would be the outcome today. Including hearing all about how he's mortified and embarrassed by his own behaviour. He'll have begged forgiveness, sworn blind it's totally out of character, it won't happen again, blah blah.

I don't think your daughter was ever going to tell him get on a plane home and if you or the hotel had insisted on him leaving then she'd almost certainly have left with him.

Oh well. Here's to a few more years of putting up with this sort of shit before she's finally done. You at least have the option of insisting that he moves out of your house, but I suspect you know very well that your DD will cry her eyes out and beg and plead, so that won't happen either.

He's had a very lucky escape by not having the police involved. A few days in a communal cell of a Mexican jail might have been just the wake up call he needed. You need to keep reminding him of that. It's your insurance that the rest of your holiday will be drama free.

Zanatdy · 14/09/2024 17:10

I see why you’ve not forced the issue, your daughter will go too and god knows what happens then when you’re thousands of miles away.

WhyamIinahandcartandwherearewegoing · 14/09/2024 17:17

I agree actually @almondflake I’d want this arsehole where I could see him, not back in the UK with free rein in your daughters house for 2 weeks.

park it till you get home then get him to feck.

LeoOakley · 14/09/2024 17:19

almondflake · 14/09/2024 17:04

I can assure all of you that this is not being minimised but we are a long way from home which is a huge disadvantage .
He is a piece of shit and this will be sorted as soon as we get home .
My daughter is totally shocked by his behaviour and swears to both of us that it's totally out of character .
I will recommend she reads the book mentioned .
I know exactly what i would do in this situation but I'm a lot older and have more experience and that would not be giving him chance to do this again .

I do get it OP, it's easy to look at it from a completely detached lens - and with the benefit of age and experience. But only you know what is best for this situation.

I too would want to keep my dd close - even if it meant keeping him around.

Awful for you all. I hope you manage to have a lovely holiday in spite of this horrible start.

Member869894 · 14/09/2024 17:26

Please encourage your daughter to learn about domestic abuse. The Freedom programme is very good. She will recognise him as he sounds classically abusive

isthereaway · 14/09/2024 17:26

Zanatdy · 14/09/2024 17:10

I see why you’ve not forced the issue, your daughter will go too and god knows what happens then when you’re thousands of miles away.

I agree. But you need to think carefully about 'what happens back in the UK'.
I'd ban him from your house. But will she then just move out somewhere with him & you won't know where she is / if she has safe housing?
The problem is she is NOT safe with him anywhere but doesn't see it yet.

Bumcake · 14/09/2024 17:33

Floppyelf · 14/09/2024 16:44

Wow. Good luck. She’s way too deeply in this shit. I bet your house that they have introduced drugs either cocaine or ecstasy into their relationship and her sense of being and intellectual ability has been ground down. If he can use her to get to you like he has just done. This is not worth the time… i’m out. There’s no point giving the OP a hard time because the actual victim is her daughter and the daughter is too thick to get away from him.

Show quote history

Are you really calling someone thick for being the victim of abuse? Amazing.