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Original poster

Absolutely fekkin fuming

394 replies

almondflake · 14/09/2024 01:47

We're Into the first day of a family holiday to Mexico with our daughter, her boyfriend and another couple .
It took us hours to get here and after a decent nights sleep , daughters boyfriend has had too much to drink and kicked off big time , storming round the hotel then kicking the hotel room door in . Luckily the hotel have not called the police , we've paid for the door , my husband has taken the boyfriend away to sober up , I'm sat in my hotel room with a distraught daughter .we're hoping to get him on a flight home tomorrow as he can't stay here , I'm absolutely furious with him, he's 24 and he's blaming it all on our daughter .
I'm not looking for solutions just venting really .

OP posts:
Eastshitanddie · 14/09/2024 13:45

Chav's gonna chav.

bringincrazyback · 14/09/2024 13:54

Booboo1982 · 14/09/2024 13:30

Why would you ever be disappointed in a clear victim of abuse.

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Absolutely this.

Pipsquiggle · 14/09/2024 13:55

I do believe long term he needs to go , my daughter does have low self esteem which we try to bolster at any opportunity but ultimately as most of you say this is her choice not ours .

@almondflake he needs to go NOW.
How will DD's self esteem improve by staying with this absolute dickhead?

Your DD needs to realise that this 'man' is holding her back and self esteem comes from within, not from a relationship. She is better without him, than with him.

Support your DD. Do not allow him near your family on holiday.

pinkyredrose · 14/09/2024 14:02

Op can you organise a change of locks on the house? I wouldn't trust him there.

Sooverwork · 14/09/2024 14:07

Fraaahnces · 14/09/2024 01:57

This is why the English & Aussies get such a bad name overseas. The relationship with alcohol really needs addressing. Drinking until ugly and aggressive affects everyone else. This isn’t “their right to have a good time…”

Agree. Their behaviour in Europe ( Greece , Spain , Italy etc) and SE Asia ( Bali , Thailand etc) is bloody apallling . Spot the yobs and bogans . It’s embarrassing

AmberAlert86 · 14/09/2024 14:18

Omg do sorry for your daughter! I hope she does the right thing and gets rid of him! She's been covering for his inadequacy for a year too!
If him flying out isn't possible, vould the rep transfer him to a different hotel?

LAMPS1 · 14/09/2024 14:21

You are right to keep him out of trouble and away from the Mexican police even if it means watching him 24/7.
Ideally, his father could come and take over ‘care’ of him and escort him back. Getting into trouble in Mexico is a completely different kettle of fish to getting into trouble in the UK.
You really don’t need to find yourselves connected to him or responsible for him if he repeats any sort of misbehaviour even low key. He must keep a very low profile until he is out of the country.

At the moment your objective should be to offload him either into a relative’s care or onto a return flight so that you can breathe easy again and then attempt to salvage this hard-earned holiday.

It’s good that your daughter doesn’t have to throw him out of the house they share when you return. As owners, you can do that for her, with his parents’ support. They should make sure he stays well away from your DD.

She needs to realise how foolish it has been to become complicit in his lies and cover ups.
Had you and her DF not been there with her on this holiday, she could have been at the mercy of the corrupt authorities alongside him. A lot of people go missing in Mexico. It is a seriously scary place to be. Young people can be robbed, blackmailed, beaten up, abducted, scammed, raped and seriously traumatised, with little to no help. And by all accounts she is very vulnerable.

She also needs to understand that she must, of her own account, be done with this man. She owes him nothing. She has lost nothing at all except a lot of misery and trouble in her future should she ever see him again. Anything positive was simply a lie. She was being abused by him.
She must pick herself up, toughen up and move forward now, never looking back. I hope she listens to you OP.
I’m sure you will be keeping her very close.

ArabellaScott · 14/09/2024 14:23

Thank god you are there with her and able to protect her, OP.

I've not RTFT so probably already suggested, but please look into some counselling/therapy for her when you get home. She may well need support and help to recover and move on.

Maray1967 · 14/09/2024 14:36

This is one of those cases where older more experienced women know exactly how this is going to end, and want to sit him down and give him the bollocking of his life, as my DS24 would deserve if he did this to his partner and her family. He’d return home to one from me.

I hope she quickly realises he’s an aggressive waste of space and she needs to end this relationship right now.

AdoraBell · 14/09/2024 14:49

I’ve only read the OP’s posts.

He is using your DD OP. He lives rent free, doesn’t need to lift a finger and gets a super holiday too. What a lucky boy his is 😡

I hope your DD kicks him to the kerb, she deserves so much better.

If he kicks off again and the hotel call the police that’s all on him. It will be a big shock, police in Latin America are not like here, he won’t have rights like here, but that is not anyone else’s fault.

isthereaway · 14/09/2024 14:50

AncientAndModern1 · 14/09/2024 05:28

Does he know you’ve paid/agreed to pay for the damage? If not, tell him that you will only pay for the damage if he gets on the flight home. Otherwise he will have to pay or the hotel will call the police and he will be arrested and you won’t help him. That should provide the incentive he needs to go.

I'd be tempted to tell Hotel that you have further concerns re his aggression sober or not & you wish to get him on a plane home. Please cancel guest status.

Tell him that the Hotel want him gone asap & will involve Police otherwise.
You will pay for a flight (the £350 one, no discussion) on condition he moves out whilst Dd is away. Othewise you will involve the Police/Consulate yourself.

He is very lucky they didn't call the Police.

I visited a friend in Mexico in 1991 I stayed in their small apartment in a nice area.Whilst there I was mugged during an afternoon walk in Chapultapec park.
Two men each held an arm as they waved a small bottle of (acid?) in my face.
I lost my camera, wallet & passport. A Mexican cop stood 8ft away & watched.

The best thing for your Dd is that he goes now.She can have a nice holiday.
Then she can have a fresh start in UK without this freeloading loser in tow.

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/09/2024 15:16

I would do literally anything in your power to get this piece of shit away from your daughter.

I would actually report him to the Mexican police, hand him over and let them deal with him. And hope they throw him to the cartels.

Do not minimise this for your daughter. Put it in very clear terms: stay with this man and you will be physically and financially abused until your self esteem is on the floor.

He is scum.

Scarydinosaurs · 14/09/2024 15:36

Your poor daughter and poor you! I agree the three stop over flight home would serve him right. What a prick.

JohnofWessex · 14/09/2024 15:36

Floppyelf · 14/09/2024 13:00

I would offer the same £300 to the hotel and police so he can be kept in a cell

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What have The Mexican Police done to deserve having to deal with him?

AcrossthePond55 · 14/09/2024 15:43

@almondflake

I'm just about in your current 'time zone' give or take an hour & have spent a fair bit in Mexico (mostly Baja). The one thing this asshole needs to know is that the very last thing he wants to happen is to be turned over to la Policia Estatal or Policia Municipal (depending on where you are). So if he refuses to cooperate with you in leaving, be sure he knows that you will have no problem in alerting them (or having the hotel do so).

As much as I'd dislike being the 'heavy handed' parent, I'm afraid I'd have to let DD know that he was no longer allowed in 'your' house that she is living in. You own it, your decision. If she chooses him then they can find another place to live. But I don't think she will. I think she'll be glad of the perfect excuse to keep him away.

Personally I'd put him on the cheapest flight home. AND I'd make emergency arrangements immediately to get the locks changed on that house if you worry that he'll go and trash the place or steal from DD. Since he's been on holiday he'll have a packed suitcase that he can live out of until you all get home and can make arrangements for him to remove his stuff. Let him go to his mother's.

This is a harsh lesson for DD. I hope she takes the experience to heart. "When someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time". He's shown her, she needs to believe him. And 'I was drunk' is no excuse.

If you can't get your travel agent to help you, ask for the conserje del hotel. I'm sure they can help. The hotel will be just as anxious to get rid of him as you are.

Floppyelf · 14/09/2024 15:46

almondflake · 14/09/2024 12:32

Wow , thanks for all your input . It's 6.20 am here and to answer a few questions , my daughter isn't pregnant , the cat is being looked after by a friend , my daughter lives with him in a house we own , his parents are aware of what's happened and have been supporting my daughter . We don't want the police involved as Mexican police are so different to English police we'd rather get home and deal with this there not 5000 miles away from home .
My daughter is still in the room with me and her dad is next door with the boyfriend .
I have suggested she reads this thread but i don't think she's ready to yet .
Your support has been greatly appreciated and I do believe long term he needs to go , my daughter does have low self esteem which we try to bolster at any opportunity but ultimately as most of you say this is her choice not ours .

@almondflake you can give her better choices by standing firm and letting her know that he is not to come anywhere near your house. Your daughter might benefit from anti anxiety medication until she gets herself sorted.

JohnofWessex · 14/09/2024 15:46

Might be worth giving the Police in the UK the heads up in case he does anything here.

Floppyelf · 14/09/2024 15:48

AcrossthePond55 · 14/09/2024 15:43

@almondflake

I'm just about in your current 'time zone' give or take an hour & have spent a fair bit in Mexico (mostly Baja). The one thing this asshole needs to know is that the very last thing he wants to happen is to be turned over to la Policia Estatal or Policia Municipal (depending on where you are). So if he refuses to cooperate with you in leaving, be sure he knows that you will have no problem in alerting them (or having the hotel do so).

As much as I'd dislike being the 'heavy handed' parent, I'm afraid I'd have to let DD know that he was no longer allowed in 'your' house that she is living in. You own it, your decision. If she chooses him then they can find another place to live. But I don't think she will. I think she'll be glad of the perfect excuse to keep him away.

Personally I'd put him on the cheapest flight home. AND I'd make emergency arrangements immediately to get the locks changed on that house if you worry that he'll go and trash the place or steal from DD. Since he's been on holiday he'll have a packed suitcase that he can live out of until you all get home and can make arrangements for him to remove his stuff. Let him go to his mother's.

This is a harsh lesson for DD. I hope she takes the experience to heart. "When someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time". He's shown her, she needs to believe him. And 'I was drunk' is no excuse.

If you can't get your travel agent to help you, ask for the conserje del hotel. I'm sure they can help. The hotel will be just as anxious to get rid of him as you are.

👏🏾
I can’t be arsed to give such a beautiful written answer but agree 100%

CreativeOriginalUsername · 14/09/2024 15:51

What a nightmare!

Fingers crossed you can send him packing!

larklane17 · 14/09/2024 15:58

You are great parents to your DD. Lovely to see that you are taking care of her and have her back.

lucylulululu · 14/09/2024 15:59

He sounds like a real catch 🙄
I hope your daughter wises up because an immature lowlife like that who's meant to be an adult yet gets violent when they can't handle their drink.... is just gonna drag her down, or worse direct the violence onto her rather than objects. If he behaves like that in public without a care what anyone thinks of him... imagine what he's like behind closed doors.

Not worth the risk imo but you obviously cant make her leave him (and last thing you want is to drive her to pull away from you and closer to him). The best you can do now is offer advice if she asks for it and be there to support her but just hope to god she leaves him.

Perroi · 14/09/2024 16:03

Interesting division between comments saying "why involve his parents he's an adult" and "make sure your DD does this that or the other".

I think the answer is somewhere in between. It seems they are both young people with good parents. Parents are older and wiser and can still support their offspring whether those offspring are 15 or 50.

LissaGa · 14/09/2024 16:05

If he stays he’s going find ways to access alcohol. Stick him on the next flight back to the UK then relax and enjoy your holiday.

Pinkbonbon · 14/09/2024 16:06

I think I'd be telling her I was taking back ownership of the house for now too. But that she's welcome to stay with you till she gets back on her feet and the housing situation can be revised once you know he's out of the picture and she's done some therapy to address things that are going on for her.

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 14/09/2024 16:08

Poor girl, and what a shame for all of you that this has probably ruined your holiday. But at least you know what an exploitative and potentially dangerous relationship your dd is in; perhaps she also is starting to realise now. You can't tell her what to do but you can ban this man from your own house and keep in touch with your daughter, whether she decides to stay with him or not, and you can suggest she gets some counselling once home. Good luck.