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Original poster

Mother in law. Wrong?

136 replies

melodyxc · 10/09/2024 13:47

I've been with my partner for 3 years now, he had a long term gf before me which my mother in law seemed to adore and that’s fine.. she’s a grown woman.

but yday she posted a happy birthday post of the said ex on her Facebook.. I just found it strange that since the whole time I’ve been with her son she’s never done it before so why suddenly now?

we have two children together and she’s posted my son once (he’s 5 months old) I didn’t want to think much of it but as we all know postpartum your mind can think some odd thoughts…

does anyone find this odd?
my partner rang his mum straight away saying he wasn’t happy about it and how that’s not ok for me to see
but I think to myself why all of a sudden is she back in the picture?

OP posts:
LadyDanburysHat · 10/09/2024 13:49

Honestly overthinking. Facebook tell you it's someones birthday and she wished her a happy birthday. No big deal, and your partner calling her was OTT.

thursdaymurderclub · 10/09/2024 13:51

you do know don't you that when you end a relationship with someone, its still ok for family and friends to still have a friendship with the ex don't you?

you can't expect everyone to just drop people because they have moved on?

you are seriously overthinking this.. MIL probs did like the ex, and probs had a relationship with her.. so what? she's an ex for a reason

Original poster
melodyxc · 10/09/2024 13:51

LadyDanburysHat · 10/09/2024 13:49

Honestly overthinking. Facebook tell you it's someones birthday and she wished her a happy birthday. No big deal, and your partner calling her was OTT.

It wasn’t a happy birthday on said ex’s wall post.. it was a dedicated happy birthday post on her own Facebook

OP posts:
PrimalOwl10 · 10/09/2024 13:53

Was it a picture of them both or something? She could have accidentally posted it on her own wall instead of hers. You seem very insecure about this woman and the reaction seems to be OTT

CrouchingTigerHiddenChocolate · 10/09/2024 13:53

It was a happy birthday message to someone she likes.

Hardly worth a second thought let alone the drama of calls and MN posts.

LadyDanburysHat · 10/09/2024 13:53

Even on her own page, still not a big deal.

Original poster
melodyxc · 10/09/2024 13:54

thursdaymurderclub · 10/09/2024 13:51

you do know don't you that when you end a relationship with someone, its still ok for family and friends to still have a friendship with the ex don't you?

you can't expect everyone to just drop people because they have moved on?

you are seriously overthinking this.. MIL probs did like the ex, and probs had a relationship with her.. so what? she's an ex for a reason

I do know that hence why if you read my post I put ‘ my mother in law seemed to adore and that’s fine.. she’s a grown woman.

Where have I said anything you’ve put there?

OP posts:
Dolliesdisasterousdayout · 10/09/2024 13:55

melodyxc · 10/09/2024 13:51

It wasn’t a happy birthday on said ex’s wall post.. it was a dedicated happy birthday post on her own Facebook

Show quote history

If she had done this every year and did it to everyone I would assume that just the annoying type of person she is but this is new and seems bizarre!

Wha did she say to your Dh?

Trallers · 10/09/2024 13:57

Could you be overestimating the extent to which MIL realises all of that? Is she a big facebook user? If not, she may not be aware how public a declaration she's just made. Obviously if she's totally aware and still decided to tag ex in a post on her own wall then that is a little bit strange. I still wouldn't react to it though, just have a chuckle and the cringeyness of it and move on.

Original poster
melodyxc · 10/09/2024 13:57

CrouchingTigerHiddenChocolate · 10/09/2024 13:53

It was a happy birthday message to someone she likes.

Hardly worth a second thought let alone the drama of calls and MN posts.

this post found the wrong people lol
Where have you got drama of calls and MN posts from?

You’ve found time to comment hun enjoy your day

OP posts:
CrouchingTigerHiddenChocolate · 10/09/2024 13:59

melodyxc · 10/09/2024 13:57

this post found the wrong people lol
Where have you got drama of calls and MN posts from?

You’ve found time to comment hun enjoy your day

Show quote history

Pretty dramatic to get your partner to call his mum because you dont want to see the words "Happy Birthday Sarah" or whatever her name is on FB.

Maybe have a cuppa and calm yourself down 'hun'.

SauviGone · 10/09/2024 13:59

I’m with you OP.

I can’t imagine posting a status update on my own Facebook page, wishing my sons ex girlfriend a happy birthday. It’s wierd.

What did she say to your partner when he spoke to her about it?

I think I’d just roll my eyes and then mute her so you don’t see anything more from her.

Original poster
melodyxc · 10/09/2024 14:00

Trallers · 10/09/2024 13:57

Could you be overestimating the extent to which MIL realises all of that? Is she a big facebook user? If not, she may not be aware how public a declaration she's just made. Obviously if she's totally aware and still decided to tag ex in a post on her own wall then that is a little bit strange. I still wouldn't react to it though, just have a chuckle and the cringeyness of it and move on.

Well i didn’t say anything. It was my partner who opened Facebook,saw the post and who openly rang his mum and expressed he didn’t like that and thought it was odd.. used the example how he’d feel if my mum was posting my ex big happy birthday posts etc
all his words not mine..

she uses fb a lot so fully aware

OP posts:
Pocketfullofdogtreats · 10/09/2024 14:01

I can only imagine doing that for close family (posting on my own FB rather than on their wall). Maybe she did it in error rather than posting on the ex's wall? Or maybe she does see her as close family still. If so, doubt this is a bit insensitive, both ways - for the ex as well as for you. But whatever. Your MIL's relationship with someone else isn't really your concern now. Rise above it.

Original poster
melodyxc · 10/09/2024 14:03

CrouchingTigerHiddenChocolate · 10/09/2024 13:59

Pretty dramatic to get your partner to call his mum because you dont want to see the words "Happy Birthday Sarah" or whatever her name is on FB.

Maybe have a cuppa and calm yourself down 'hun'.

Show quote history

you tell me where on my post I said I got my partner to ring his mum lol.. stop assuming love
im 25, a grown woman if my man wants to defend me of his own back he will. Don’t think you could say same if this is what you assume happened

OP posts:
Spomb · 10/09/2024 14:03

I don’t think it’s odd, but I’d leave it between your husband and his mum as he’s the only one that seems bothered about it.

BobbyBiscuits · 10/09/2024 14:04

There's a chance she's remained friendly with this woman. You did say she adored her? And then maybe they have been spending more time together recently? For reasons completely unrelated to either you or your partner?
If you are going to get upset about the fact they may have a friendship then don't look at MILs Facebook?
You can't control who she wants to be friends with. If she was to come round and constantly talk about the ex, compare you to her etc then that's out of order.
But Facebook posts to someone you know and like to say happy birthday shouldn't be scrutinised to such an intense degree.

CrouchingTigerHiddenChocolate · 10/09/2024 14:06

melodyxc · 10/09/2024 14:03

you tell me where on my post I said I got my partner to ring his mum lol.. stop assuming love
im 25, a grown woman if my man wants to defend me of his own back he will. Don’t think you could say same if this is what you assume happened

Show quote history

"If my man wants to defend me..."

From a post wishing someone happy birthday?

Embarrassing.

EscapingTheseFeelings · 10/09/2024 14:08

I understand OP, it would annoy me too.

As she has done it as a post on her own page I would say she is doing it to get a rise from you. If she was doing it with good intentions she would have written it on the woman’s page. She wanted to make sure you saw it.

This is the sort of thing my MIL would do if she hadn’t got her way about something. Have you said ‘no’ to her for anything recently? Seeing the children, jumping to her tune, that sort of thing.

Chewbecca · 10/09/2024 14:08

I would let it go.

I bet she didn't mean to post it on her own wall. I can never remember if I said HB to someone on or off FB from one year to the next. Nothing wrong with saying HB to someone you like.

Moveoverdarlin · 10/09/2024 14:09

Totally agree with you OP. It’s weird and the only reason she will have done it would be to A. Shit stir or B. Piss you off.

If she likes the ex so much, why not message her privately? A dedicated post to her on the MIL page is just fucking weird. And it’ll look weird to everyone she’s friends with. It speaks volumes. Her son has children with one woman and she’s saying happy birthday to his ex partner? Why? She might as well say ‘I liked Amy better than Sarah!’

I’m glad your DP called her. I would keep my distance and I’d make it very clear that she had fucked me off.

Original poster
melodyxc · 10/09/2024 14:11

PrimalOwl10 · 10/09/2024 13:53

Was it a picture of them both or something? She could have accidentally posted it on her own wall instead of hers. You seem very insecure about this woman and the reaction seems to be OTT

No insecurity here..
what reaction have I stated I’ve done? Other than type on mumsnet for people’s commentary on the story lol

OP posts:
unmemorableusername · 10/09/2024 14:13

It's nice of her not to blank the ex just because she broke up with DP.

TinyGingerCat · 10/09/2024 14:17

On one hand you say MIL is a grown woman and you understand she can do what she wants, but on the other you appear upset and pretty defensive when people tell you to let it go. It does look a bit OTT for your partner to have a go at his mum about this if you aren't that bothered.

Allthegoodusernamesareused · 10/09/2024 14:24

melodyxc · 10/09/2024 14:11

No insecurity here..
what reaction have I stated I’ve done? Other than type on mumsnet for people’s commentary on the story lol

Show quote history

You've posted on Mumsnet about it asking for people's comments, but seemingly only those that agree with your POV. You do come across as really defensive, and a bit insecure - I honestly couldn't have got this worked up about a post on Facebook! Even if I thought it was done to annoy me, I'd just chuckle to myself then give it no further thought.