Mother in law. Wrong?

[melodyxc]

I've been with my partner for 3 years now, he had a long term gf before me which my mother in law seemed to adore and that’s fine.. she’s a grown woman.

but yday she posted a happy birthday post of the said ex on her Facebook.. I just found it strange that since the whole time I’ve been with her son she’s never done it before so why suddenly now?

we have two children together and she’s posted my son once (he’s 5 months old) I didn’t want to think much of it but as we all know postpartum your mind can think some odd thoughts…

does anyone find this odd?
my partner rang his mum straight away saying he wasn’t happy about it and how that’s not ok for me to see
but I think to myself why all of a sudden is she back in the picture?

Because I’m his partner? The mother of his children and their grandchildren.
He seen it as extremely disrespectful to me (his words) and found it weird as fuck so that’s classed as defending is it not? Defending your partner

Is it a big birthday?
But mostly, this is just a roll my eyes moment for me. Assuming she is pleasant and polite to you etc, then there's no reason to get too stressed about it.

Is it just because she's known her longer NOW than when you came around and they are in contact and closer?

I wouldn't give it two thoughts, it's a happy birthday.

This post found exactly the right people. What would you prefer people telling you your right, it is a big deal, they are all still in contact regularly, so is your DH in fact the wrong people will tell you he’s probably cheating and you should LTB! lol.
The right people are here to tell you it’s not a big deal and just forget about it, she wishes someone happy birthday. So what she was once a part of their life. She might not wish her happy birthday every year (or she might but you just don’t see it or a text message?) but I wouldn’t even give it a second thought

Some people are just weird. My mum is like this with my daughter's exs. She added them on Facebook when my daughter was in a relationship with them and then keeps them as Facebook friends when they split. My daughter's partner doesn't care that my mother keeps posting messages to these men, but my daughter does. So now my mother has no relationship with her eldest grandchild.

With kindness OP, there does seem to be a little insecurity about this person, otherwise it wouldn't have bothered you to post on mumsnet and your partner wouldn't have contacted his mum to question her on how it made you feel.

It is okay to feel insecure, your baby brain will also be bringing any sensitivities to the surface too, but to be honest, people on here are right, it doesn't mean anything. It may just be that the birthday notification popped up for his mum and she noticed it on the actual day this year, it is not a slight on you at all, she is allowed to be friendly with his ex without worrying about how that makes other people feel, so I think it is excessive for your partner to ring his mum about it unless he is really worried about how you are going to react.

It's better to let people do their thing out in the open for everyone to see, rather than be sneaky or secretive under the guise that they are 'sparing your feelings', that is what will happen if you let everyday mundane things affect you in this way.

HOW is it disrespectful to acknowledge a birthday. This is some weird soap opera drama moment that is a lot more about the complainers than anyone else.

I get that your or your hubby may be a bit fed up about it, but your MIL has the right to be friends with whoever she likes. She has her own relationship with his ex and that's fine. I should imagine she is pretty fed up with either of you policing her FB page or telling here she who can or cannot be friends with. It won't make her like you any more but maybe a bit less.

Just get over it.

@melodyxc

I wonder why he is getting so annoyed with his mum. It seems an overreaction ...unless he is seeing her again, still has feelings for her and is worried that his mum has inadvertently drawn attention to that.

On another note-she is not your mother in law, she is your boyfriend's mum. You say you have been with him three years and have two children so half that time you have spent being pregnant. Maybe it was all a bit rushed and now he's looking back longingly at his other long term girlfriend-as you refer to her.

On yet another note-you are being a bit snippy and usually that happens when someone is insecure.

You might be getting a warm fuzzy feeling from thinking "your man" has defended you but maybe he's not defending you at all-just wishing his mum hadn't shone a spotlight on his previous girlfriend before he was ready for her to do so.

Keep your eyes open and don't have any more children until you are on a more secure footing. That's my advice to you.

This would fuck me off too tbh. I'm with you here!

It would bother me as I can be a bit insecure about things like that, but I would just keep quiet and focus on your baby and building a good relationship of your own with your MIL. Don't let this sour things between you.

I really don't understand this viterol against a 5mo PP mother.

Her son and his ex had not only broken up at least 3 years prior, but he's in an established relationship with a woman with whom he shares not 1 but 2 children, the youngest being only 5 months old. Even if they still remained friends on FB, or she remained in contact with her, the MIL's public display of affection or friendship towards her son's ex is very odd- moreso given that it does not appear to be her usual behaviour, or something she does annually.

She should be gushing over her new grandchild, not wishing her son's ancient ex a happy birthday.

I would find that really odd OP!
I don’t think you or your husband are overreacting either.

I would hate if my mother posted about my ex in such a way.
My MIL would do something like this but she would definitely be doing it to get some sort of rise and if she did she would innocently say that she could still remain friendly with the ex.

Honestly though, you are better to just roll your eyes and move on though.

I didn't realise people still cared about FB posts.

Could she have accidentally done it? (Clutching at straws). My MIL is never off FB and still manages to post things that she intended as private messages, or on her page in error.

I doubt I’d be annoyed at her post either way - but I would be annoyed at DH asking her to remove it in case I see it. With my in-laws, I feel it would be interpreted as me being jealous and I’d rather ignore it tbh.

My MIL is close friends with her ex's parents. It has nothing to do with the ex or his current partner and no-one tells either who they can be friends with. They did not meet through the ex but that is besides the point.

You're being dramatic and it doesn't concern you.

That would be a huge plot twist that Jane

Add a bit of spice into the thread

There isn't any vitriol here, not again OP or anybody else. It's not helpful to indulge non-issues, nor play along to rile up the OP into believing that actually, there is something in this. Nobody here has any idea of boyfriend's mother's reasoning, nor boyfriend's very odd posturing either?

It's OP's boyfriend who has behaved peculiarly. Most other men would roll their eyes and not pass on the information.

Boyfriend's mother doesn't need to be 'gushing' over a grandchild either anymore than she needs to be told not to wish her son's ex a happy birthday. It wasn't a 'welcome to the family' message, was it?

All of this drama is really unnecessary and it's not the OP who is orchestrating it. and I'm not going to join in the whipping up of it.

Yeah I wouldn't be impressed either to be honest. She can have whatever relationship she likes but it is a little disrespectful to you. I cannot imagine my own DM in a million years doing that.

Ignore some of the nit pickers. Some MN posters take great joy out of manipulating posts into something that you never said.

does anyone find this odd?

No it’s not odd for a woman to wish someone they know a happy birthday

How they know or knew that person is no one’s business

I am assuming your boyfriend is a similar age to you and if he was my son I would be telling him to grow up. For someone who is the father of two children, calling your mum up to tell her who she can and cannot be friends with seems very immature

Everyone will be saying its no big deal, but lets be honest, it would annoy the hell out of me.

Wow, what a complete overreaction by both you and your boyfriend.

Did the relationship end in a really messy way or something? Did the ex abuse him? Cheat on him?

If not, there's nothing wrong with your BF mother wishing her a happy birthday and having a relationship with her. I'd be more than happy for my Mum to wish my ex a Happy Birthday?

Or maybe she is trying to piss you off... maybe she doesn't like you, maybe she's not impressed by the fact that you have had 2 children in the space of 3 years? How long were 'your man' (🤮) and his ex together?

'your man' (🤮)

:)

Ok so I do the happy birthday on other peoples timelines if I remember.

For my dds I will put a post on myself and tag them in wishing them happy birthday with a message and photos.

I don't do it for their partners and I certainly don't do it for their ex partners.

Yes op it's weird

Why though? Just because you break up with someone, your family doesn’t. If they want to continue a friendship then I cannot see the issue (unless abuse was involved in the relationship)

If the ex and the new partner have an issue with that then that is their problem and not the family members