Mother in law. Wrong?

[melodyxc]

I've been with my partner for 3 years now, he had a long term gf before me which my mother in law seemed to adore and that’s fine.. she’s a grown woman.

but yday she posted a happy birthday post of the said ex on her Facebook.. I just found it strange that since the whole time I’ve been with her son she’s never done it before so why suddenly now?

we have two children together and she’s posted my son once (he’s 5 months old) I didn’t want to think much of it but as we all know postpartum your mind can think some odd thoughts…

does anyone find this odd?
my partner rang his mum straight away saying he wasn’t happy about it and how that’s not ok for me to see
but I think to myself why all of a sudden is she back in the picture?

I'd be fuming.

You’re massively overreacting and are sounding very childish.
Using the words ‘hun’ and ‘love’ in you’re replies just emphasises that fact!

Maybe HE was bothered. I wouldn't love my mum posting bday wishes to my ex. People have such low loyalty expectations on here!

In fairness that was in response to pretty childish comments to her.

You aren't overreacting at all.

Anyone with a modicum of empathy can understand why that might be annoying.

But I'd just forget and move on. Put it down to thoughtlessness.

I don't think I could get worked up about this. Maybe its cause I'm older and uglier and have been through a bit more shit in life not to get upset over petty things in life.
I'm sure mil didn't mean to cause harm, and your partner was on your side and let her know it was out of order, hopefully in future she won't do it again.
Honestly, I'd let that be the end of it.

Overreacting where tho? Do you mean correcting people on things there assuming..
Looks like I’m childish then

the words hun and love has no relevance

I can't see the MiL has done anything wrong, she was long term girlfriend and your MiL obviously knew her well.

You can still like and be very friendly with people you have known in the past. Doesn't matter that it's your partners ex.
It's a little controlling dictating what she can and can't do on fb ..and sad

If they were together a long time and MIL knows her well I don't see the issue.

If they were together 6 months and MIL barely met her I'd think it's weird.

I don't think it's a big deal.

It's very insensitive. Probably means nothing but it was insensitive to someone who's just given birth to their grandchild.

The best advice I can give you when people 'do you wrong' is to just let them. If your husband is angry - let him. You can only control your reaction.

I don't find it odd. It's fine for her to remain friends with her son's ex and wish her a happy birthday. Unless there's a huge back story here, it seems to be a big overreaction from you and your partner.

Crikey op you’re being gaslighted on here…of course it’s weird!!

I suppose it depends on the situation generally but in a dysfunctional family this sort of thing is a passive aggressive attack. My sister (who’s very now contact with our mother) was always posting lovey dovey messages about her step mother on Facebook knowing that our mother would see them. All very innocent-seeming and lovely to everyone else but a pointed attack at our mother. But she couldn’t be called out because she was just being kind to her step mother. Not that I blamed her really! I’m glad your DH defended you.

Yeah, it's weird.

I think it's fucking weird.

However, big gold star for your partner. So many other posters would be saying their partner sat back and let it all happen and had no spine. Good you've got him on side

She’s done nothing wrong she clearly cares about her, they were close.

your partner is overreacting.
im still close with my ex mil. I do not give a shot about my ex nor his current dp. I do care about his mil and see her regularly.

this post found the wrong people lol
if my man wants to defend me of his own back he will.

It amazes me that, when clearly outnumbered in opinion someone would think the post had found the wrong people. To not think that you're being unreasonable. How many people would it take to disagree with you for you to think maybe your behaviour is the issue and not MIL and all the other people?

YABU for saying my man.

Somehow posted twice

You sound like a jealous child. Thinking she is 'back on the scene' on the basis of a FB birthday message because she has only posted once about your child

FB is not real life. It is social media. Most adults don't want their children's photos on it.

This, why is it defending you?

im 25, a grown woman if my man wants to defend me of his own back he will

What's he defending you from? A Facebook post? Seems a little ott.

As she has done it as a post on her own page I would say she is doing it to get a rise from you. If she was doing it with good intentions she would have written it on the woman’s page. She wanted to make sure you saw it

That's a stretch. Probably just didn't think it was anything to do with anyone else.

You’re overreacting.

They are friends. They exist outside of the relationship between your DH and the ex. This is someone your MIL, in your words, “adores.”.

If I “adored” a friend, why wouldn’t I wish her a happy birthday on Facebook or anywhere else?

It has absolutely nothing to do with her son, your baby or you.

”Your man” defending you over a happy birthday message is batshit. If my son phoned me to kick off about a birthday greeting I’d think he’d lost his marbles.

Her son has children with one woman and she’s saying happy birthday to his ex partner? Why? She might as well say ‘I liked Amy better than Sarah!’

My ex mil babysat my children from my new husband. She loves babies and my ex didn't have any. My ex didn't mind. Nobody minded. We were all on good terms. Not everything exes do has malicious intent.

However you feel about this, OP, the best thing you can do is ignore it - and ask your partner to also drop it because drawing attention to it elevates whatever it is, to important. And it's not, is it?

I agree with you that it's odd. It's not something that she does every year - and she doesn't post on yours/your partner's facebook much but uses hers regularly? Ignore, ignore, ignore it.