Mother in law. Wrong?

[melodyxc]

I've been with my partner for 3 years now, he had a long term gf before me which my mother in law seemed to adore and that’s fine.. she’s a grown woman.

but yday she posted a happy birthday post of the said ex on her Facebook.. I just found it strange that since the whole time I’ve been with her son she’s never done it before so why suddenly now?

we have two children together and she’s posted my son once (he’s 5 months old) I didn’t want to think much of it but as we all know postpartum your mind can think some odd thoughts…

does anyone find this odd?
my partner rang his mum straight away saying he wasn’t happy about it and how that’s not ok for me to see
but I think to myself why all of a sudden is she back in the picture?

Because you said your partner made a call, and now you’ve posted about it on MN.

I definitely think it’s pretty dramatic and a massive overreaction to a non-issue. Who cares if MIL wished her a happy birthday? She can be friends with whoever she wants and wish whoever she wants a happy birthday. What does it have to do with you and your relationship with DP?

I've remained friends with my ex's father for over 26years never have I ever put or would I ever put a birthday message on for him.
If the shoe was on my foot, I wouldn't put a post on for my son's ex if he was settled with someone and had kids.
I'd I felt I wanted to say happy birthday, I'd text

My Mum is Facebook friends with my ex, he sometimes give her a lift if he passes her at the bus stop. We had children together and have been split 20 years and it doesn’t bother me a bit.

My SIL did this exact thing with her sons new girlfriend!
She had put the wedding photos away in a drawer after her son divorced (his wife had cheated on him), but when his new girlfriend came around for the first time, she got the photo out and put it up and deliberately made her sit opposite it! It was an insult to both her son and the new girlfriend!
I didn’t think there would be another person that batshit.
Some MILs are spiteful, then they wonder why they never see their adult sons and blame the DIL.

I definitely agree with this but the opposite is also true. There are just as many jealous & spiteful DILs as there are MILs. It's not so readily admitted in discussion forums as the focus is usually on the mil. That's not to say there aren't many wonderful dil/mil relationships because there are.

Facebook reminds people of others birthdays. Mostly it has a "send birthday wishes" option to go to their page but for the odd person it comes up with a "share birthday wishes" which posts on your page and tags the person (or at least mine does) so quite possibly she sends them every year but this year its shared so its been seen as it were.

Unless the ex abused your husband i find it beyond cringey hes phoned his mum in a huff to moan about a birthday post. I would not be dressing that up as defending me, id be calling it embarrassing behaviour. Honestly he needs to grow up.

As you said, post partum brain is probably playing a part in this, and it’s odd if she doesn’t normally have an ongoing friendship with the ex to suddenly make a dedicated birthday post. I would try and give yourself some grace whilst also assuming MILs intentions are innocent and let it go as it’s a one off.
It’s great that your partner was considerate of your feelings, hopefully it is just an oversight on MILs part. Its ok to feel a bit uncomfortable about it but don’t let it ruin your day ☺️

I'd be unhappy with that.

Still could have been because of the Facebook reminder I often do that rather than put it on the wall

Works both ways.
We have a lovely dgs who we’ve done lots of childcare for.
If you went in my ds and dil’s home you wouldn’t know we existed.
I think in all of the many, many photos we feature on 1 collage in a corner.
Ddil’s dm who rarely visits and has never looked after dgs is plastered everywhere as are random friends etc.
And yes I know it’s my ds’s fault too.
We never say a word.

The strange thing is we have a good relationship with ddil but she just takes us for granted and I assume that must be a sort of compliment.

Amusingly our dd has had a dc recently and if we ever post a photo of them on our family group ddil comes straight back with one of dgs.

There's a lot of expectation on parents to welcome their children's partners into the family, but then when they break up you are just supposed to cut them off and forget about them? I am still in regular contact with ex mil. She's part of my extended family, sends birthday cards to all my kids etc. And I don't give two hoots if it annoys ex-h's new wife.