Page 4 | Mother in law. Wrong?

sunsu · 10/09/2024 15:28

Some of the replies here are weird. Of course that’s not normal and a bit odd! Good on your DP for addressing something that made him feel uncomfortable and by thinking of your feelings.

sunseaandsoundingoff · 10/09/2024 15:31

melodyxc · 10/09/2024 14:00

Well i didn’t say anything. It was my partner who opened Facebook,saw the post and who openly rang his mum and expressed he didn’t like that and thought it was odd.. used the example how he’d feel if my mum was posting my ex big happy birthday posts etc
all his words not mine..

she uses fb a lot so fully aware

Show quote history

What did she say in response?

My mum uses Facebook a lot, doesn't mean it's a good thing with the chain letters and surfing cat gifs she seems to think are normal.

Original poster

melodyxc · 10/09/2024 15:31

HelpAGirlOut1234 · 10/09/2024 15:20

Wow, what a complete overreaction by both you and your boyfriend.

Did the relationship end in a really messy way or something? Did the ex abuse him? Cheat on him?

If not, there's nothing wrong with your BF mother wishing her a happy birthday and having a relationship with her. I'd be more than happy for my Mum to wish my ex a Happy Birthday?

Or maybe she is trying to piss you off... maybe she doesn't like you, maybe she's not impressed by the fact that you have had 2 children in the space of 3 years? How long were 'your man' (🤮) and his ex together?

The comment about having 2 children in the space of 3 years, what is exactly your point there? You sound salty making comments like that and fucking weird tbh

OP posts:

PointsSouth · 10/09/2024 15:33

Yes.

(Have not read OP or any subsequent comments, but I've been here, on and off, for several years.)

GiveMeSpanakopita · 10/09/2024 15:36

I don't think your MIL was out of order to do what she likes with her FB page but I do think your partner was out of order to try to tell him mum what she should do with her FB page

HelpAGirlOut1234 · 10/09/2024 15:37

I'm not salty at all 😅 Have 2 children within 3 years of meeting someone is a bit nuts by anyone's standards.

If anyone is coming across salty and weird here, it's you with your snarky replies. You've asked for opinions, people are giving them, you're not liking it so are getting snippy.

How many people need to tell you you're overreacting for you to believe them?

BaublesRocking · 10/09/2024 15:38

Well I think it's fucking weird and I'd be fuming at my mum if she did that to my ex, and at my MIL if she did that to my OHs ex. It's just not needed!

Had a proper laugh at Jane trying to add spice upthread. Good old mumnset!

oakleaffy · 10/09/2024 15:39

Mothers can still be fond of their son's ex girlfriends.
Nothing wrong with wishing her a happy birthday.

I still miss my son's ex GF -but I like his current GF too.

It's commoner than you might think.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 10/09/2024 15:40

HelpAGirlOut1234 · 10/09/2024 15:37

I'm not salty at all 😅 Have 2 children within 3 years of meeting someone is a bit nuts by anyone's standards.

If anyone is coming across salty and weird here, it's you with your snarky replies. You've asked for opinions, people are giving them, you're not liking it so are getting snippy.

How many people need to tell you you're overreacting for you to believe them?

I had 2 children within 3 years of meeting my partner. It happens

Bogginsthe3rd · 10/09/2024 15:43

melodyxc · 10/09/2024 13:51

It wasn’t a happy birthday on said ex’s wall post.. it was a dedicated happy birthday post on her own Facebook

Show quote history

Strong unhinged boomer vibes

Original poster

melodyxc · 10/09/2024 15:44

HelpAGirlOut1234 · 10/09/2024 15:37

I'm not salty at all 😅 Have 2 children within 3 years of meeting someone is a bit nuts by anyone's standards.

If anyone is coming across salty and weird here, it's you with your snarky replies. You've asked for opinions, people are giving them, you're not liking it so are getting snippy.

How many people need to tell you you're overreacting for you to believe them?

Well your not very open minded are you then?
I’m guessing your standard is the socially acceptable way then from how you have worded that.

I’m giving the same attitude back what i am
getting in the first place

OP posts:

HelpAGirlOut1234 · 10/09/2024 15:45

@Wavescrashingonthebeach and I hope that's worked out for you, but by anyone's standards, that's insanely fast and I wouldn't be happy if my DC had children in that time frame. You don't even know the person you're having children with in the time it takes for the 1st to be born. Recipe for disaster in most instances.

Elphamouche · 10/09/2024 15:46

OP my FIL does the same. DH broke up with his ex in 2009!!!!! FIL doesn’t rate me. DH and I have been together 10 years, married 3 and have a DD. FIL still prefers the ex.

I find it annoying. I’m on your side lol.

tedyoucan · 10/09/2024 15:58

Has she ever posted happy birthday to you OP? Or your children? Or her son? Or just this ex girlfriend?

PIL had a photo of a girl Dh dated when he was 16 in their lounge, we were married and when Dh was 29 we had our first child. There was absolutely no evidence in their house that I existed, no wedding photo of us, nothing, but there were wedding photos of my SIL and her husband. So yes, it stings, it says you are not good enough to have a photo in our lounge or in your case a happy birthday on her facebook page.

Dh did ask them to remove the photo, their excuse? It also had his grandad on there that is why they kept it but they also had 3 other photos of grandad in the lounge too so it wasn't like this was the only photo. It still pisses me off that first grandchild is now 21.

Smallmerciesandallthat · 10/09/2024 16:00

melodyxc · 10/09/2024 13:47

I've been with my partner for 3 years now, he had a long term gf before me which my mother in law seemed to adore and that’s fine.. she’s a grown woman.

but yday she posted a happy birthday post of the said ex on her Facebook.. I just found it strange that since the whole time I’ve been with her son she’s never done it before so why suddenly now?

we have two children together and she’s posted my son once (he’s 5 months old) I didn’t want to think much of it but as we all know postpartum your mind can think some odd thoughts…

does anyone find this odd?
my partner rang his mum straight away saying he wasn’t happy about it and how that’s not ok for me to see
but I think to myself why all of a sudden is she back in the picture?

Facebook has its uses & obvious benefits.The one thing I absolutely detest about it is the fact there are people who deliberately post stuff to primarily wind others up. Your mil should not be nurturing a relation with your DHs ex. That relationship is history & that's where it should remain. I'd hold my head up OP knowing my DH stuck up for me. Hopefully your mil will realise she needs to curb this behaviour or she will create a drift in her family.

nextdoornightmares · 10/09/2024 16:12

Don't really see the need for her to post that tbh. Seems very odd especially if it's not something she would normally do and especially not if she doesn't do it when it's your birthday. Sounds like she needs to let go of the past and you shouldn't concern yourself with her obsession with your partner's ex. For his 30th birthday, my partner's mum presented him with a huge frame of a collage of photos of "everyone who was important in his life". We had been together about 6 months and it was clearly a serious relationship. There must have been about 50 photos and I didn't feature in a single one. Even the dead family dogs were there 🤣 Oh and we had 3 children in 3 and a half years but on mumsnet a relationship isn't considered serious unless you've been together about 5 years 😂

LifeExperience · 10/09/2024 16:15

OP, you asked in your thread title, "Wrong?" and when a bunch of people essentially said, "yes, huge overreaction" you got snarky and nasty. You may be 25 but I would not describe you as mature.

Your overreaction was ridiculous, and if my son called me and told me off for birthday wishes he'd get it right back for being rude and disrespectful. Your MIL has every right to wish whomever she wants a happy birthday and you and your partner have no right to say about it.

LettyToretto · 10/09/2024 16:18

Where does it say the OP made her partner phone his mum?!

Iwishicouldflyhigh · 10/09/2024 16:21

melodyxc · 10/09/2024 14:03

you tell me where on my post I said I got my partner to ring his mum lol.. stop assuming love
im 25, a grown woman if my man wants to defend me of his own back he will. Don’t think you could say same if this is what you assume happened

Show quote history

'my man'? Cringe!!!!

Original poster

melodyxc · 10/09/2024 16:26

tedyoucan · 10/09/2024 15:58

Has she ever posted happy birthday to you OP? Or your children? Or her son? Or just this ex girlfriend?

PIL had a photo of a girl Dh dated when he was 16 in their lounge, we were married and when Dh was 29 we had our first child. There was absolutely no evidence in their house that I existed, no wedding photo of us, nothing, but there were wedding photos of my SIL and her husband. So yes, it stings, it says you are not good enough to have a photo in our lounge or in your case a happy birthday on her facebook page.

Dh did ask them to remove the photo, their excuse? It also had his grandad on there that is why they kept it but they also had 3 other photos of grandad in the lounge too so it wasn't like this was the only photo. It still pisses me off that first grandchild is now 21.

She texts me on my birthdays.. no posts

She posts of my daughter who looks spits of my partner quite a lot of the time but nothing of my son who looks a lot like me… not like his dad.

but does post ex.

its an odd situation and yeah that does sound a crappy situation to be in. My dads mother did the same thing to my mum and she’s never forgot it till this day on how it made her feel.. so I do understand you.

OP posts:

tedyoucan · 10/09/2024 16:35

You are right to be peeved about it, why now? Why happy birthday now 3 years in?

Maybe as your partner is on your side and rightly so he can point out the inequality. Tell her she is risking having a positive relationship with the Mother of his children, her grandchildren and how would she feel if her MIL posted about her husband's ex? Hopefully your partner knows his Dad's ex girlfriend's name.

Of course she can wish her happy birthday just as a text as she does to you and he can ask her why one public, the ex and one private, you. Call her on it.

thursdaymurderclub · 10/09/2024 17:15

by the snappy way you are responding to anyone who doesn't agree with you.. i think you need to admit that you are the problem really and not her!

FluffyBook · 10/09/2024 17:19

Your mil should not be nurturing a relation with your DHs ex

That's a bit heavy handed. I've a really good relationship with my ex mil and also with my ex's new wife. We all wish each other happy birthday (when we remember).

That relationship is history & that's where it should remain

Mine and my husband's marriage is history but it's our history and we get on much better now we're not married. I just can't imagine cutting people I care about out of my life just on a principle.

Original poster

melodyxc · 10/09/2024 17:25

thursdaymurderclub · 10/09/2024 17:15

by the snappy way you are responding to anyone who doesn't agree with you.. i think you need to admit that you are the problem really and not her!

If you think giving someone the same attitude what there giving me is classed as ‘snappy’ then that’s your opinion 🤣

OP posts:

thursdaymurderclub · 10/09/2024 17:36

melodyxc · 10/09/2024 17:25

If you think giving someone the same attitude what there giving me is classed as ‘snappy’ then that’s your opinion 🤣

Edited

Show quote history

there's no attitude.. just general onservations. everyone can see where the attitude is coming from.

leave you MIL and your husband ex be.. stop letting it wind you up!