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Original poster

Apart from a bereavement- what has been the greatest sorrow of your life?

499 replies

Insywinsy2 · 05/09/2024 08:34

I know pretty morbid but I have been reflecting on life recently now that I’m getting closer to 40.
I have experienced loss with close family passing away but the greatest sorrow in my life is only having my children 50/50 since their dad left a few years ago. It still fills me with such grief knowing that, although I do agree it is best for them to spend time with us both.

OP posts:
Original poster
Insywinsy2 · 06/09/2024 14:02

OffMyDahlias · 05/09/2024 20:42

I feel exactly the same as you. If Israel wanted a genocide then they would have it. Instead they’re vaccinating Gaza children and have the lowest civilian casualty rates of any urban warfare. They’re doing the best the can despite Hamas hiding behind their own civilians.

Peoples ignorance of the war is largely down to Palestine being the underdog and therefore the “innocent” party.

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Original poster
Insywinsy2 · 06/09/2024 14:04

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Well clearly it touched a few nerves when I made that response and I genuinely don’t want to upset anyone but I’ve just seen the likes and I’m glad there’s others who feel the same. No “so there” feelings here, just genuine concern about what’s happening in the world

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TheFakeJonSnow · 06/09/2024 14:15

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TheFakeJonSnow · 06/09/2024 14:16

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OffMyDahlias · 06/09/2024 14:33

Insywinsy2 · 06/09/2024 14:02

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Killingoffmyflowersonebyone · 06/09/2024 14:36

Insywinsy2 · 06/09/2024 13:59

Thank you. I know ‘giving thanks’ is private but I just want to thank the 27 people who liked my original reply re the lost friendship over Israel , although probably sightly insensitive in this thread and I have apologised for that, I’m grateful to know others feel the same

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Oh wow. 27.

Puts my 34 to shame.

I guess I win? 😁

Barberries · 06/09/2024 14:37

AncientHistory · 05/09/2024 13:17

Losing my two youngest children. They haven’t died, they just don’t want to see me as their Father made them choose between us. I try to be grateful that they’re healthy and hope they’re happy but most days I feel like I’m walking around with a giant gaping hole that I’ll never be able to fill.

@AncientHistory have you heard of MATCH mothers? Mothers Apart From Their Children. They've been a great support to me.

Matchmothers Charity

https://matchmothers.org

Riverswims · 06/09/2024 14:44

All my lovely children struggling so hard at school not acknowledged by their dad STBXH then the eldest blaming me for "raising us like that"

thoonerismspread · 06/09/2024 16:27

Starfish89 · 05/09/2024 17:24

The cold hard realisation that as an only child with no children of my own, one day I will be in the pitiful category of 'elder orphan' with no family and will face the horrors of old age entirely on my own.

I am in this position too. And perpetually single. I'm seeing someone but it isn't working.

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 06/09/2024 16:31

Ooh actually, I've thought of another one... After I had my head injury and post concussion syndrome, I lost my ability to see in my mind's eye. The condition is apparently quite rare, and it's called aphantasia. I absolutely hate it as my imagination and mental imagery was extremely vivid before. I loved imagining scenarios, or daydreaming, or even being able to recall people's faces or where I'd been the day before really easily. I loved it so much, and I actually feel like I've lost a part of me and my soul since it happened. I'll be totally honest and say that it's pretty heartbreaking, worse in some ways than a bereavement.

iloveeverykindofcat · 06/09/2024 16:39

Racism. I had a whole paragraph, but it can all be summed up by racism, really.

missdeamenor · 06/09/2024 16:40

Having a baby taken away at 14 and my brother's suicide.

missdeamenor · 06/09/2024 17:00

Bringbackspring · 05/09/2024 17:42

I haven't suffered a really significant bereavement of a family member or friend yet (bracing myself for that). But the thing that haunts me the most, and may sound trivial to many people, is the death of my cat. He was very much my cat, we had a really close bond. He was unwell for a couple months before he passed but we thought it was something fixable and that it was in hand. He seemed overall quite well in the circumstances. That turned out not to be the case, he in fact had a massive tumour in his nose.

I went away for a week just before it was obvious there was something seriously wrong. I remember so clearly looking down and petting him goodbye (as in, see you in a week type of goodbye) and he sort of looked at me with pleading eyes as if to say somethings wrong, please don't leave. But I honestly thought he had something minor and I hate myself that I was actually being relieved to get a few days break from it all and for DH to take over.

Anyway, long story short, he went down hill very quickly and very badly and I cut my trip short. I went to the veterinary hospital and he was in the ICU with the most horrendous looking face where things had got so bad. We had to have him put to sleep there and then. He was responsive so he knew I was there and he was trying to sit with me but he was so heavily sedated. The whole thing was so horrific and traumatising, it was 3 years ago and I can barely let myself think about it. I'm crying just typing this. The guilt I feel at leaving him in his time of need is crushing.

He was deeply loved in life and is no longer suffering. I can understand your feelings, but don't continue to beat yourself up any more. Your dear cat is at peace.

missdeamenor · 06/09/2024 17:07

BeyondSmoake · 05/09/2024 12:35

Death in general I cope with surprisingly well, and I've been through a few other things that should be top of the list too.

But the visceral pain I feel from my sisters suicide never fades.

So sorry. I always feel that suicide kills the living too. It's something that can never be explained unless you've experienced it. I often feel that I'm dead and just going through the motions of living. I expect you have lovely memories of your sister and hope these will give you some comfort in the future.

pilates · 06/09/2024 17:15

Realising DD who has a lifelong disability and one day I won’t be there for her.

CopKiller · 06/09/2024 17:34

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 06/09/2024 16:31

Ooh actually, I've thought of another one... After I had my head injury and post concussion syndrome, I lost my ability to see in my mind's eye. The condition is apparently quite rare, and it's called aphantasia. I absolutely hate it as my imagination and mental imagery was extremely vivid before. I loved imagining scenarios, or daydreaming, or even being able to recall people's faces or where I'd been the day before really easily. I loved it so much, and I actually feel like I've lost a part of me and my soul since it happened. I'll be totally honest and say that it's pretty heartbreaking, worse in some ways than a bereavement.

Edited

Oh goodness! That must be devastating. I didn't know that could happen.

ChishiyaBat · 06/09/2024 17:47

I have 2.
The first was caring for my beautiful wonderful Nan when the cancer spread to her brain and she knew she was losing her mind, but couldn't do anything to stop it, showing her photographs every single morning because she'd forgotten who her family were, watching her slowly deteriorate was torture, I will carry that sadness forever, but I also feel honoured that I was able to care for her in her darkest hour and hold her hand as she died, she'd been there for me whole life and I am happy that I could be there for her.

The second is my sweet baby granddaughter being diagnosed with cerebral palsy and seeing her struggle daily, my daughter and granddaughter live with me and I love having them with me, but seeing her in pain, fall and get hurt a million times a day, not be able to speak, the sleep disturbances, waking up at night with her leg and arm so stiff she can only scream is so heartbreaking. She is amazing and I love her so much and I will be here for her and my daughter whenever they need me, but it's so hard.

Notateacheranymore · 06/09/2024 17:53

I have the bereavements but then also two other things.

  1. Having to go NC with my brother in 2011 or 12. I see people around me having close adult relationships with their siblings. I only have one and he has turned out to be a spousal abuser and rapist.
  2. I was unable to be successful at my teaching career. I lasted 16 years before burn out and thoughts of unaliving myself became too strong. It’s 11 years in Dec since I resigned.
bobster31 · 06/09/2024 17:54

Watching both my children struggle with mental health problems and not being able to fix it for them. I feel like such a failure as a mother and terrible guilt that I can't help them get better. But I can't show it. I have to be there to support them and pick up the pieces.

Topsyturveymam · 06/09/2024 18:00

Not bringing to light parental abuse when younger. Letting that set the tone of my 20s where I took all kinds of crap and didn’t stand up for myself. Domestic abuse from partners, sexual harassment in the workplace from my (much older) manager. I took it all.
Im so much stronger now .So yes there’s regrets for the time lost and what I suffered…but also gratitude for what I have now and how much I have grown.

BlondeFool · 06/09/2024 18:04

My daughter's heart condition.

Pliudev · 06/09/2024 18:11

Having my dog put to sleep yesterday and watching my son help to dig his grave. There are far greater tragedies on here and I know my loss does not compare but I'm heartbroken.

FlappingMadly · 06/09/2024 18:13

Sorry for all of your challenges.

Madrigal12 · 06/09/2024 18:21

We're all fighting our own battles and demons, wouldn't the world be so much better if we could all cut each other some slack.

1974devon · 06/09/2024 18:23

When my mum with MH issues is really poorly..as she can then be very nasty to people(including me) and then I feel sorry for her as I know it's her illness talking..but it also makes me feel very alone..as she's my mum and at times not pleasant 😢