Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Apart from a bereavement- what has been the greatest sorrow of your life?

499 replies

Insywinsy2 · 05/09/2024 08:34

I know pretty morbid but I have been reflecting on life recently now that I’m getting closer to 40.
I have experienced loss with close family passing away but the greatest sorrow in my life is only having my children 50/50 since their dad left a few years ago. It still fills me with such grief knowing that, although I do agree it is best for them to spend time with us both.

OP posts:
LesLavandes · 05/09/2024 20:10

The estrangement of my adult child

Changingplace · 05/09/2024 20:16

Infertility and coming to terms with never having children, IVF that was traumatic, and ended in miscarriage, and then being approved for adoption but having to pull out because my ex had a drug problem that he was happy to mask but I couldn’t bring myself to lie about.

HauntedbyMagpies · 05/09/2024 20:22

Hearing my Dad say "I'm going to kill her (DM's name), I'm going to kill her" then beating me repeatedly.
Edited to add some context that I was 7 years old at the time.
Greatest sorrow of adulthood? That I didn’t try to salvage the education I missed in order to do better for myself career-wise, as I ended up disabled and a widowed parent. Having savings would’ve been EVERYTHING right now.

Atishooo · 05/09/2024 20:29

rockingbird · 05/09/2024 18:34

Totally get it, I'm sorry this has happened to you to. It's a pain that never gets better just dulls over time. I'll never be the same person. Hugs to you x

It is a grief. You’re grieving for what was, for what could have been. I’m grieving for the man I thought I knew. It’s hideous.

HauntedbyMagpies · 05/09/2024 20:38

Humanswarm · 05/09/2024 19:21

My DF is still here but in the throes of dementia. It is already a loss that I cannot put into words. The man who would cross oceans to help me ( literally), who listened with such empathy and wisdom, who celebrated life with me, who cried with me, who taught me so so much is gone. Although snippets still remain. I have never felt such sadness.

I'm so sorry, Dementia is an evil disease 🤍

OffMyDahlias · 05/09/2024 20:42

MovingBird123 · 05/09/2024 13:35

Well one would be the devastation of and after October 7. Our lives are upside down.

Part of that is the wilful idiocy of so may here in the UK, the absolutely wild distortion of BBC news. All those here "well you shouldn't support a genocide" - where are the numbers from, how many terrorists does it include, why are there terrorists in civilian areas, why did the tunnel in which Hersh and others were found start in a child's bedroom? Use your noggins, you are part of our problem, and also part of the problem for Palestinians!

We don't want to be in the UK anymore, we don't want to go to Israel. We feel like fugitives in the world.

N.B. Not going to respond to any idiotic comments, we know more about these things than you, don't have the emotional bandwidth to discuss with someone who doesn't know what they're talking about, save your breath.

I feel exactly the same as you. If Israel wanted a genocide then they would have it. Instead they’re vaccinating Gaza children and have the lowest civilian casualty rates of any urban warfare. They’re doing the best the can despite Hamas hiding behind their own civilians.

Peoples ignorance of the war is largely down to Palestine being the underdog and therefore the “innocent” party.

JohnCravensNewsround · 05/09/2024 20:47

I think watching dementia slowly taking over my Mums life is worse than losing my Dad and brother too young tbh.
Elsewhere, being bullied at work. In around 12 months I went from a highly thought of person to a shadow of myself. Went through a grievance just because. Left but it impacted me literally for years.

TheChosenTwo · 05/09/2024 20:50

@RainyDayCoffee i understand. Really I do.
Some days are just fucking rough even when the day itself has seemed okay.
the enormity of it all hits you.
sending love, keep your chin up. 💐

Danny4445 · 05/09/2024 20:51

OffMyDahlias · 05/09/2024 20:42

I feel exactly the same as you. If Israel wanted a genocide then they would have it. Instead they’re vaccinating Gaza children and have the lowest civilian casualty rates of any urban warfare. They’re doing the best the can despite Hamas hiding behind their own civilians.

Peoples ignorance of the war is largely down to Palestine being the underdog and therefore the “innocent” party.

They've only killed 40,000 people. I'm not sure why people are criticising Israel, they're holding them to unfair standards.

brainpain · 05/09/2024 21:16

PorridgeIsNotSlimmingTheWayIMakeIt · 05/09/2024 12:43

This might sound bizarre, but I'd count 7 October as one of the most traumatic events of my life even though I am in no way directly affected by it (and normally consider myself someone who pays no attention to things beyond my influence). The horrific sadism torments me - scenes keep jumping into my mind unbidden, so I just force myself to think about something else. Learning to accept that evil has always existed in the world, and always will, is easier said than done.

Horrific violence, awful, as are the stories coming out of the violence being meted out to Palestinian prisoners, not all who are terrorists.

Belovedinfidel · 05/09/2024 21:22

Losing myself to my mental health. I don’t recognise myself anymore at all.

Parkingt111 · 05/09/2024 21:22

I think it's fair to say that the war has turned many people's lives upside down. My life will never be the same again. My sympathy lies with every innocent person caught up in this horrible conflict whichever side they may be on.

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 05/09/2024 21:57

Miffylou · 05/09/2024 17:56

You could always look the word up in a dictionary if you don’t know what it means. Or are you just trying to pick an argument?

Edited

Not really trying to argue but I was probably being a bit facetious. The wording seemed very off to me - as it implies that the daughter is wrong / not ‘educated’. I think the pp should reflect on that for the sake of her relationship with her dd. The dd may have already done lots of reading herself and come to her own conclusion. Whatever side of the conflict you’re on, this isn’t a helpful way to approach the dd’s views 🤷‍♀️

Starfish89 · 05/09/2024 22:16

Belovedinfidel · 05/09/2024 21:22

Losing myself to my mental health. I don’t recognise myself anymore at all.

Same here. It's awful.

ZeppelinTits · 05/09/2024 22:26

This is such a heartbreaking thread. Full of pain and such vulnerability too.

I have a few:
Watching my then 12/13 year old DS's face as he learned his Dad (my ex) had cancer, and again later when he started to realise his Dad wasn't going to recover. The way his childhood drained out of him in those moments and he was never the same again; young and carefree. And his subsequent MH issues. There is a saying I read on here once, about how a parent is only ever as happy as their unhappiest child, and I thought how true that was. The sheer horror of knowing your child is really suffering and struggling and not being able to do anything to take it away is the most painful and distressing thing in the world.

The absence of my Dad from my life growing up, and my mum (my only real family) being depressed and narcissistic, and alternating between being loving and fun and very scary/confusing. She used to tell me all the time she thought she would die young, but would 'try' and not die til I was an adult if possible, and so I spent most of my childhood in a state of terror and dread. The deep loneliness of seeing other families with average loving parents, and the knowledge I'll never have that is a source of deep grief to me. Some very traumatic events happened around me/to me as a child and left me feeling constantly, profoundly mistrusting of others and quietly unsafe all the time. I wish so much that wasn't the case.

My very good friend of 7 years ghosting me a few years ago and never really explaining why. I still miss him and dream of him often.

Never having a daughter, or having the experience of having a child with someone I stayed with in a couple and could bring them up side by side with, like a team. That family unit I longed so much for as a child.

Topseyt123 · 05/09/2024 23:03

Mummyoflittledragon · 05/09/2024 19:59

I am so pleased your dd is doing well. 😊

Thanks. She is doing well. She's just finished her university degree and is working to clear her student overdraft whilst looking for a grad job.

She is currently on a few days holiday abroad with a friend.

All seems well at the moment, but I am always worrying about anything I might have missed.

GorgeousTulips · 05/09/2024 23:03

Sunshinedayscomeon · 05/09/2024 18:54

This.

The day we found out our son had attempted suicide and then further attempts - has been life affirming and shattering.

Not many understand the path we walk, always thinking is today the day I loose my loving son. It's crippling and traumastising.

Loosing my dad - was hard but this is far by the worst.

💐💐💐

GorgeousTulips · 05/09/2024 23:04

DoYouReally · 05/09/2024 19:20

Infertility but thankfully I'm managed to make my peace with it.

A suicide call. I received a call from someone I very, very distantly knew and had maybe met in passing twice, maybe three times.

A man clearly experiencing a torture that thankfully I've never came close to understanding. I've never hear such raw emotion or mental anguish as I did that day.

It's probably the only conversation of my life, I have absolutely full word for word recall and it's years since it happened. Thankfully got emergency services there just in time.

It had such an impact on my at the time that I did suicide prevention training afterwards. As harrowing as I found it (& nowhere near as harrowing as it was for him), I would take another call or a million calls like that again, if it meant saving someone's life. It has had a profound impact on me and my outlook on life.

This is such a moving post.

OnePeachCrow · 05/09/2024 23:05

Infertility. Eleven desperate years trying to conceive, getting increasingly frantic as the months and years went by which cost me every friendship I had. I still have no close friends. Going into debt to afford IVF which failed. We eventually were lucky enough to adopt three times, babies aged between 4 weeks and 12 months who have grown into wonderful adults and given us an amazing, close family. and even a grandson. But I still remember the despair of longing for a child.

My only sibling is adored by everyone who knows her. Her children in their 30's and 40's have no desire to leave home. She has close friends who come to all our family occasions. She has no interest whatsoever in having a relationship with me.

Wellnesswhattime · 06/09/2024 07:20

Also having a mother and sister who weren't the nicest. My mum went from not arsed to controlling to bitchy. I hated my home life. In my 20s I constantly looked for validation and attention I wonder why.

Gerbilboy · 06/09/2024 10:08

Insywinsy2 · 05/09/2024 18:22

Thanks for everyone’s comments. And sorry to that one poster who lost a friendship over Isreal. I’m hugely triggered by what is going on in Palestine but should not have commented, it was insensitive. It genuinely is a huge sorrow of mine what is going on right now there but that doesn’t take way from that lady’s sorrow, I too have lost good friendships in my lifetime and it has been a great loss to me too. Apologies

A very sensitive comment, thank you. But please don't apologise for calling out wrong, that is always the right thing to do.

I have also lost friendships over this genocide. The Nakba has been a dark shadow throughout my whole life and it has only intensified this last year. It reminds me of the racism inherent in world power structures that has never gone away.

FatFilledTrottyPuss · 06/09/2024 11:11

TheChosenTwo · 05/09/2024 09:04

Supporting my dc through massive and multiple MH crises.
I can’t explain the dread and fear. It’s monumental.

Me too. I feel so inadequate as their mother because I’m failing to help them enough.

Insywinsy2 · 06/09/2024 13:59

Gerbilboy · 06/09/2024 10:08

A very sensitive comment, thank you. But please don't apologise for calling out wrong, that is always the right thing to do.

I have also lost friendships over this genocide. The Nakba has been a dark shadow throughout my whole life and it has only intensified this last year. It reminds me of the racism inherent in world power structures that has never gone away.

Thank you. I know ‘giving thanks’ is private but I just want to thank the 27 people who liked my original reply re the lost friendship over Israel , although probably sightly insensitive in this thread and I have apologised for that, I’m grateful to know others feel the same

OP posts:
TheFakeJonSnow · 06/09/2024 14:01

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Insywinsy2 · 06/09/2024 14:01

What??? What world are you living in??

OP posts: