Apart from a bereavement- what has been the greatest sorrow of your life?

[Insywinsy2]

I know pretty morbid but I have been reflecting on life recently now that I’m getting closer to 40.
I have experienced loss with close family passing away but the greatest sorrow in my life is only having my children 50/50 since their dad left a few years ago. It still fills me with such grief knowing that, although I do agree it is best for them to spend time with us both.

Thanks for everyone’s comments. And sorry to that one poster who lost a friendship over Isreal. I’m hugely triggered by what is going on in Palestine but should not have commented, it was insensitive. It genuinely is a huge sorrow of mine what is going on right now there but that doesn’t take way from that lady’s sorrow, I too have lost good friendships in my lifetime and it has been a great loss to me too. Apologies

You absolutely have the right to disagree with her support for Israel. I expect some others agree with you. But that was not the topic you proposed for this thread and there was no need at all for you to bring your own opinions to bear on someone else's sorrow. It’s like someone writing about their sorrow at losing a friend who disapproved of them having an abortion and someone else writing "Well, I wouldnt be your friend any more either, because I disagree with abortion too."

OK, fair enough.

I think this thread is a good reminder that we never know what people are going through. Mine would be losing my grandad and also witnessing the immense grief my dad suffered after my grandad passed. He has never been the same since. I come from a family of very strong minded and tough lot, except for my dad so I think I feel extra protective of him. He is the most gentle and sweetest dad one could have and I really fear losing him.

Pointed her towards books on the history of the conflict/YouTube’s etc on views of Israeli Arabs/ex Hamas terrorists etc.

That is so sad. This awful conflict has rippled out far beyond the region.

Totally get it, I'm sorry this has happened to you to. It's a pain that never gets better just dulls over time. I'll never be the same person. Hugs to you x

Having a mum who ran off when I was teen has had a massive impact on me. I don't think I'll ever get over how lost I was in my 20s and the awful life choices I made due to having no direction.

Now I'm a mum myself I can't fathom what she did. And in a cruel twist of fate my own DD has terrible mental health problems so I'm not able to finally enjoy a mother/daughter relationship.

I feel sad at the loss of the life I could have had.

I’m so so sorry.
Hearing these words repeatedly from my lovely dd broke me in 2 and I don’t think i’ll ever be able to delete it from my memory. I will certainly never be the same person again, how could I be?

Thank you to all those who sent sympathy after my first messages, I still struggle to talk about it in real life. It’s too big.
And sending sympathy to you all back. I’ve been in a very bleak place for the last 5 years.
I once heard a phrase, ‘you are only ever as happy as your saddest child’ and it’s stuck with me. So true.
Hope you all have people to talk to in real life and if not my inbox is always open 💐

To everyone else with their own battles, I hope life gets kinder on you all. We have no idea what people are living with on the whole but most people are dealing with something quietly behind the scenes.

Same here. I can really empathise with people talking about this. It happened to me with my DD3 who had clinical depression, anxiety and anorexia, and I clearly remember the dread and powerlessness I felt.

Fortunately, she is several years down the line now and seems greatly improved, although she still takes antidepressants and continues with some therapy sessions. I don't know if it will ever fully fade but there feels to be a bit more of an equilibrium now. I hope I am right there.

I think for me too it was my mum leaving. She fell in love with another man, and, ultimately, wanted to live with him more than she wanted to stay in her marriage and live with her children. She just left. There was no real discussion etc.

It really started to affect me when I became a mother, and again when I was the same age she was when she left, and again when DC turned the age my youngest sibling was when she left… and I expect it will hit again when my DC turn the age I was when she left.

30 years on it still baffles me. Imagine meeting a bloke I wanted to wake up with more than wanting to wake up in a house with my children. I can’t.

This.

The day we found out our son had attempted suicide and then further attempts - has been life affirming and shattering.

Not many understand the path we walk, always thinking is today the day I loose my loving son. It's crippling and traumastising.

Loosing my dad - was hard but this is far by the worst.

My children are adopted. The things that happened to them before they came to live with me gives me nightmares even years later. I can’t even talk about it without crying (helpful in situations like school and hospitals!)

Other than bereavement, it's that my DD27 has had her life and potential curtailed my mental and physical illness. It breaks my heart daily.

Infertility but thankfully I'm managed to make my peace with it.

A suicide call. I received a call from someone I very, very distantly knew and had maybe met in passing twice, maybe three times.

A man clearly experiencing a torture that thankfully I've never came close to understanding. I've never hear such raw emotion or mental anguish as I did that day.

It's probably the only conversation of my life, I have absolutely full word for word recall and it's years since it happened. Thankfully got emergency services there just in time.

It had such an impact on my at the time that I did suicide prevention training afterwards. As harrowing as I found it (& nowhere near as harrowing as it was for him), I would take another call or a million calls like that again, if it meant saving someone's life. It has had a profound impact on me and my outlook on life.

My DF is still here but in the throes of dementia. It is already a loss that I cannot put into words. The man who would cross oceans to help me ( literally), who listened with such empathy and wisdom, who celebrated life with me, who cried with me, who taught me so so much is gone. Although snippets still remain. I have never felt such sadness.

Grieving for people still alive that dont behave you expect. My mother not messaging or acknowledging my birthday…small things that cut deep over time.

The loss during miscarriage or TFMR and lack of support or sympathy from people you thought you could count on

Watching a friend who's terminally ill slow dying day by day
Life feels so unfair sometimes

Similar to you OP. I left exDP due to domestic abuse. Student kids live with him in the family home in the holidays because I am in a tiny flat and there is no space. I'm welling up just writing this, even though I see tbem all the time. I'm finding it more difficult than bereavement to be honest.

The loss of a quality relationship with my dad after he married a toxic narcissist woman after my mum died. He was weak willed and let her rule the roost and he slowly lost autonomy, ultimately getting dementia so now I can't have an independent relationship with him, so I have a minimal one, and he and my girls lost out on a special grandparent grandchild relationship.

Thanks HideousKinky. I’m so pleased that your dd recovered, especially after so long. Dd is doing really well with her eating, it’s the anxiety and mental health she’s masking.

I am so pleased your dd is doing well. 😊

Knowing my ExH doesn't love our children.

They're grown up now and claim to not care. But it absolutely breaks me.

Sorry for what you went through too!
Sometimes it is a battle to get through the emotions and not want to be here myself.
Just having exactly one of those days.
Maybe not the thread I should be on:-(