Parents don’t want to raise children anymore

[radiator2]

As some of you may be aware some children have been arrested in relation to the murder of an 80yr old. The mother of one of the rioters has also jetted off on holiday with no regard for the fact her child was due in court. While these are two quite extreme cases they seem to represent a bigger issue and I feel like nobody can be bothered to parent nowadays. I work around children and I see it daily, parents unbothered with discipline or actually raising their kids. It feels like some parents have no clue what their kids are up to meanwhile kids younger and younger are committing crimes and getting in huge trouble at school. I genuinely fear for the future with some of those in this generation of children and I can’t work out if more kids are just terrible people or if more parents have kids with no interest in raising them. I might be being a little dramatic but these kids don’t seem afraid or anything or to care what damage they cause

What will happen though if she refused to let him into the classroom?
Will they really sack her?
Teachers should strike - this is disgusting.

I honestly don't know, when she was telling me I said she should push back but I don't think legally they can, I think they have an obligation to take this child. She's just a teacher for 5 year olds, it needs to be the Principal fighting this imo and escalating it higher. This child doesn't come every day and attendance has been very inconsistent so sadly shes hoping the mother won't bother soon. It's a terrible situation for everyone, mostly that poor child. But if I'm honest I wouldn't want him in my child's class, and I'd be changing schools if necessary

I grew up in a reasonably deprived area in the 70s. I saw horrendous things. There was no social media and people tended to mind their own business (with often devastating consequences) so the rest of our town neither knew nor cared what was going on. My mum could predict in early primary school which kids would end up in prison and she was generally right.

I agree with some other posters that the change I see in parenting is more in the middle classes. People thinking they can’t possibly look after a baby and a toddler by themselves as though it’s never been done before. Genuinely believing that a 1 or 2 year old is better off in a structured learning environment with ‘professionals’ than being home with a parent. A parent group I’m in today had someone wanting support for her view that it was completely unmanageable for her partner to travel for work 3 days a month when they had school age children and she works PT. We seem to have completely lost faith in our ability to look after our own kids.

She should send the kid to the head teacher.
Honestly, I'd quit rather than put up with that abuse.
If all teachers strike then the government would have to overhaul this system - not fair on the kid with problems and especially not fair on the other 30 odd kids and the teacher.

@TransformerZ I think if it goes on for much longer, she will be leaving

I think we just see/hear about these parents more because of social media and the internet.

The same thing happens in private schools. But even if it wasn’t, that would only “solve” the problem in schools for the rich, furthering the social gap and worsening social issues.

I did wonder what the hell they were talking about, thought they had replied to the wrong thread till I saw your reply.

It doesn’t help to pretend that bad parenting never happened when “we were young”, or, worse act like we are the good parents and have never made mistakes.

But as a society we are hardly child friendly. It takes a village to raise a child, and how many of us care about the lack of decent places for young children to go and play/hang out and be supervised by people other than family? I mention that because with the decimated youth services and social services, how else do the kids with absent parents get alternative role models?

So yes, to some extent these parents are failing. But instead of simple moaning about it, society needs to work to tackle it to reduce the harm to others.

Not every kid with lax parenting goes on to be a criminal. Why? Because they’ll be picked up by other role models. Sadly, that’s all too lacking nowadays as we continue to be selfish individualistic etc.

Parents are more hands on than they ever have been. Our parents had no idea what we were up to where we were. You weren't allowed in the house until dinner time. Slapping your kids about if they spoke back to you wasn't parenting.

People have done vile things forever.

See I think these comments are problematic because teachers are telling us that there is a noticeable change in children's behaviour, and then people start trying to find excuses and deny it. Until we choose to actually acknowledge there is an issue, nothing will happen

When I was a child I do remember kids out all night causing anti social behaviour.

Then asbo and social media reduced both.

The wheel…

@Remaker

A parent group I’m in today had someone wanting support for her view that it was completely unmanageable for her partner to travel for work 3 days a month when they had school age children and she works PT. We seem to have completely lost faith in our ability to look after our own kids.

Some. Not all. I'm autistic. My husband is away weeks and months at a time. I find it incredibly difficult. I had two under 2. His work pay 90% boarding school fees but I didn't want them to go. I didn't even put them into nursery until pre school age 3.

I’m a driving instructor. I see the other end, parents desperately trying to get to the top of my waiting list, getting up very early in the morning to secure a test, going out with their kids practising, not minding is half a lesson is spent with their kid being really nervous and going over old ground whilst they are paying. They are really committed, lovely parents.

I think it depends what you do as to what type of parents you see.

I think the surge in children arriving at school not being able to use the bathroom themselves, use cutlery and have impaired communication/behaviour skills suggest that there has been a decline in parenting tbh. There was extensive reporting on a lack of school readiness previously.

There were always asbos around but if some teachers are saying “look we are getting increasing numbers of kids who should know this before they join us” then there is a problem.

We're experiencing antisocial behaviour in our 'nice' suburban estate. Teens who live here who muck about in the evenings. But the minute a resident complains about the noise or swearing on the social media group, they're lambasted by everyone because 'they're just kids'. One neighbour was confronted by a parent after asking the kid to stop repeatedly kicking a ball at his front door. I'd be mortified if another adult or a teacher complained about my childs behaviour to me, but the go to now seems to be to throw the blame back to the person experiencing it.

There’s two camps of parents that you’ll see as not caring though- if you have a lone parent working or two of a couple working, home late etc (which they have no control over) vs eg the parents who leave their kids off and let them wander the streets. (And to be fair this isn’t new, don’t we all quote the 80s as the kids went off to play and wouldn’t be seen until the end of the day?!) They’re two very different parenting issues

I think this definitely depends on what area you live in and the prevailing culture. It's the unmentionable amongst all this talk about equality and deprivation.

Some parents simply don't want to parent in a way that would raise a decent member of society. They don't value education and don't care that their kid is out getting up to stuff and potentially harming others. It is engrained in some families for many generations and is only getting worse. The kids feel that they are untouchable because there isn't an adult in their home life that even attempts to control them. Schools are fighting a losing battle as any discipline they try to instil at school is undone at home.

Yet of course Labour will tell you that it's all due to lack of funding and teachers. They are too frightened to call an spade a spade and tackle this culture that is at the foundation of so much poverty and inequality. How does any kid have a chance with such crap parents that don't have the skills and experience themselves to raise their children?

Where should the kids go? Of course they shouldn’t be kicking balls at doors etc but sometimes people complain on our Facebook about kids just hanging about “looking threatening”. But they have nowhere to go.
I have a teenage son and he’s the age where society just doesn’t like seeing him and his friends about. But there are no youth clubs, sports facilities are expensive (£60 to hire a football pitch is expensive in winter, as the grass is too muddy) if you’re doing it regularly), places like the cinema are so expensive.

Where should kids go?

You are part of this “so called” culture. As am I.

It is easy to call it out but less easy to actually come up with solutions. Writing off the impact of deprivation and lack of funding massively underplays what damage has been done. By doing that, it means that no change will happen and it’ll only get worse.

What is your solution?

I have to agree with the general sentiment. People want a baby, but not the accompanying responsibilities and impact it will have on their life. The just want the accessory.

That is true, so many teachers are leaving the profession and a large proportion say it is because of the parents. Awful.

I am glad the days of parents being intimidated by teachers/schools (and other professionals involved with children), are over but one can support children whilst still being reasonable and courteous in dealing with teachers etc.

Well I may be wrong as it's just my observation.

But when I grew up there was more discipline all around. If I did wrong at school I would have saturday detention, my parents would be called in and also have a consequence at home. If I bunked off school and a police man saw me, he would call my parents 😅 but police don't intervene with kids, parents don't discipline as much and schools get hell fire if they do. So I guess consequences are not felt anymore.

But also there is so much judgement on parenting, so I guess they go the other way and avoid repercussions for fear of doing it wrong or being too "strict".

There is not much outside activity either any more. I use to be climbing trees, playing tag in a field. But where I am the parks have signs of "no ball games" "keep off the grass" or someone irritated by children running so that energy just doesn't get burned off either.

So I guess all the changes come together to create issues. I think it will change again though, throughout history we seem to bounce around extremes.

Except you?

It is this constant pointing at “other people” as if it’s only “other people” who are the problem.

I actually really agree sadly. So many kids at my children's school are feral, parents sat on their phones at parties and parks whilst the kids run around basically being violent, handing them iPads with full internet access for hours after school so they don't have to give them any input, just too absorbed with their own personal lives to make the effort. It's sad and exasperating.