Parents don’t want to raise children anymore

[radiator2]

As some of you may be aware some children have been arrested in relation to the murder of an 80yr old. The mother of one of the rioters has also jetted off on holiday with no regard for the fact her child was due in court. While these are two quite extreme cases they seem to represent a bigger issue and I feel like nobody can be bothered to parent nowadays. I work around children and I see it daily, parents unbothered with discipline or actually raising their kids. It feels like some parents have no clue what their kids are up to meanwhile kids younger and younger are committing crimes and getting in huge trouble at school. I genuinely fear for the future with some of those in this generation of children and I can’t work out if more kids are just terrible people or if more parents have kids with no interest in raising them. I might be being a little dramatic but these kids don’t seem afraid or anything or to care what damage they cause

@Candaceowens I feel that @samarrange makes a rather valid point. @grungey makes some great points.

If you're watching the multiple podcasts by Candace Owens and that ilk, you're of course going to believe that society is going to hell now more than ever throughout history

The average age for a perpetrator of sexual assault is 15. Primary school children are acting out what they see in the violent porn they're addicted to. Children are being groomed online by predators and sending nudes pictures to strangers. How is that being closely parented?

I think there can be a balance between teaching children to be fearful of adults, and allowing them to walk all over everyone with no respect. I grew up in a neighbourhood with kind of 'respect your elders' philosophy. I still remember my parents squirming on the occasion that one such pillar of local society was exposed as a pedophile. My brother's exhortation of 'you expect me to show respect to HIM after what he's done?' has stayed with me. Everyone should be treated with respect until there is a reason not to. Not all adults deserve respect.

Codswallop!

The amount of kids (including babies) and parents I see with their heads permanently buried in their phones with no idea what's going on.

This is the reason for the huge rise in young kids not toilet trained, not brushing their teeth, not able to talk; never mind what it's doing to older children's minds.

I love threads like this.

Have you actually listened to the childhood stories of the older generations? I’m 31 and when I listen to the stuff that my parents and those their age I’ve worked with/met along the way come out with I cringe. They were raised by the streets. Not sure anyone knew where they were in school holidays, left in cars outside pubs with packets of crisps all night. Ran totally wild!
My grans generation were even worse, I mean honestly it’s hideous.
Ironically they seem to remember it all fondly but I think those parenting styles would have landed them in jail now!

I don’t think this is a new thing.

Anyone can have a baby, regardless of IQ, mental illness, addiction issues etc and then the kids suffer because of it.

I had to report someone last week to SS because her and her bf are doing crack (and god knows what else) in front of a 5yo boy and the mum is pregnant (and keeping it).

The eldest will likely end up in prison and the unborn baby will probably have health issues at best.

I don’t know the solution but I think more money needs to be put into things like SS.

These kids would have most likely had many issues at school and have SS involvement.
Something needs to be put in place to intervene before it’s too late.

Unfortunately these damaged kids find other damaged kids or are preyed upon by damaged adults (grooming gangs, county lines etc) and they end up doing worse things than if someone was to intervene early on and remove them from the situation.

I don't think parenting has got any more neglectful but there are more parents now who are genuinely afraid to enforce boundaries and rules on their children.

We live in a strange time though for children. In the absence of authority is there more of a lord of the flies mentality going on? A lack of empathy and consequence?

We seem to have swung from one extreme to another when we really need more of a moderate perspective

I was brought up like that. We weren't allowed to watch TV during the day and were kicked out until dinner time. There was a lot more violence towards children, we were hit at school and at home. Strangers thought nothing of telling you off if you were misbehaving.

Some statistics from youth justice to have a look to see if violent crime has risen etc:

https://www.gov.uk/government/statistics/youth-justice-statistics-2022-to-2023/youth-justice-statistics-2022-to-2023-accessible-version

Yep this. I work in an infant school. The amount of parents who seem unable to do the basics such as teaching their kids to talk, use a toilet, eat a healthy diet, give them boundaries etc.. And no I'm not in a deprived area, it's very affluent. I'm talking about parents earning the kind of money I could only dream of, but they are clueless about bringing their kids up 🤷‍♀️

@Overbearingndn

The average age for a perpetrator of sexual assault is 15.

This is simply not true, in fact it's so wide of the mark! You have been misinformed

Totally agree that the harmful online exposure needs addressing. Many parents believe they have adequate parental controls and are way behind in understanding how bad it is out there. This needs addressing through education and tighter controls.

@Lovelysummerdays yes I can see that, it does feel like one extreme to the other.

@Overbearingndn yes this sounds familiar. Smacked by a neighbour for something I didn't do then later dragged by a parent to said neighbours house and smacked by parent in front of neighbour just to prove a point!

The local shop keeper peado also tried it on and no one gave a shit other than to say best avoid him so he doesn't try put his hand down your pants again! 🤦‍♀️ I'm inclined to believe that kids were the victims significantly more than any adult ever was and in modern society, they're ljust now less likely to be abused and shut up by all these wonderful caring authority figures.

To be honest I’m a bit of a slack parent, I’ve spent the last two weeks shouting st my teens while I try to WFH and they argue with each other.

But they’ve not gone on a murdering or rioting rampage, and they don’t even hang out in the park.

So I think there’s a lot more to it than parents not being that bothered.

If you know school age kids who cannot talk, they are likely to have significant developmental problems, not just lazy parents FFS 🙄.

They would have been in special schools or institutions 30 years ago, which is why you didn’t see children like them when you were in school yourself.

It’s interesting to see a general fall over the last decade or so but I wonder how much of this I’d down to police policy. A lot of the “low level crimes” I’d expect teenagers to be involved in shoplifting , vandalism, criminal damage are notoriously difficult to get police to attend, never mind investigate. Does a failure to investigate “minor crimes “ cause behaviour to escalate? It’s an argument I see around sex offenders but could it also apply to children?

I suspect the days of the, short, sharp,shock interview at a local station are over.

Maybe you’ve come to this conclusion, because you don’t want to hear it about your own child.
The original post, is from someone who has experience with working with children and parenting.Of course there are parents, who want an easy life, don’t know where their children are, or what they’re up to, that’s when the problems start.Schools can only do so much, so it is down to the parents to discipline.
Some parents just haven’t got a clue and take offence when their child’s behaviour is brought up.Which is down to lazy 'parenting’.

@Saschka that's such a good point. There's still an overwhelming refusal to accept the prevalence of Neurodivergence and all the other additional needs kids have. The default setting to rubbish parent prevails still. Experienced this myself; had to fight and spent alot of money to confirm that something else was going on.

@Lucy25 there are of course crap parents and always have been. But we also have those trying really hard in very difficult economic circumstances.
Let's not forget the prevalence of Neurodivergent kids in mainstream school. Many of whom will be undiagnosed with no hope of getting assessed for years to come. The prevalence of ND kids is higher than anyone could imagine in my view. Many of these parents are called lazy and ineffectual.

Some parents, OP. Don't be that older person who is always kicking the generation below you. They are having a harder time than we did , eg with childcare.

I feel like nobody can be bothered to parent nowadays.

Nobody is quite an extreme word. My DDs are 12 and 14 and I always know where they are or who they are with.

I think some of the worst behaved kids actually come from parents who like the think they are 'strict' but are actually just unfair. The kind of parents who think that good parenting is having a go at your kid even if they, say, break something by mistake, who feel that yelling is 'doing something about it'. Who set punishments that are disproportionate and unlimited and therefore ultimately unenforceable ('You're grounded FOREVER!') and so aren't even consistent.

All those kids learn is that they get it in the neck whatever they do, so, hey why bother even trying to do the right thing?

I think those are the kids who go off the rails, not the ones whose parents are 'soft'.

Back in the dark ages of the 1970s my parents had no idea what we got up to.
In the holidays we were out all day on our bikes and used to cycle miles from home, from early teens on.
We'd make tree houses and dens in the woods, dam streams and spend all day out of the house.

Yes, l completely get what you’re saying.My friend, is dyslexic, struggled all the way through school, it’s only as a adult, got a diagnosis, it shouldn’t be this way, her life would have been so different if the dyslexia was identified as a child.I did say about lazy parenting, l do see that this isn’t always the case, there are children who just don’t get the educational support they need.

@Lucy25 I was diagnosed autustic at 35.

One dd has been assessed and one is on the waiting list.

I can't bare my kids to go through life not knowing.

Although back in the 90s I'm not sure Autism was discussed much.