Parents don’t want to raise children anymore

[radiator2]

As some of you may be aware some children have been arrested in relation to the murder of an 80yr old. The mother of one of the rioters has also jetted off on holiday with no regard for the fact her child was due in court. While these are two quite extreme cases they seem to represent a bigger issue and I feel like nobody can be bothered to parent nowadays. I work around children and I see it daily, parents unbothered with discipline or actually raising their kids. It feels like some parents have no clue what their kids are up to meanwhile kids younger and younger are committing crimes and getting in huge trouble at school. I genuinely fear for the future with some of those in this generation of children and I can’t work out if more kids are just terrible people or if more parents have kids with no interest in raising them. I might be being a little dramatic but these kids don’t seem afraid or anything or to care what damage they cause

I’ve heard that one. Also you can not take my phone it’s mine. Which is so true. However it’s my electricity, Wi-Fi and I pay your data so I can cut you off and if we do that it won’t be coming back till you’ve earned it or you can just do what you are asked?

I’m pretty sure I used to do what I was told. Now I need to negotiate, threaten and cajole which can be pretty time consuming.

I agree, but not in the way you mean. There have always been extreme examples of lazy parenting leading to antisocial behaviour or crime - but what I see much more of now is a lack of being present and making an effort to be an authority or guide to children. So kids get away with being lazy, rude, cheeky, entitled and parents sigh and say 'he's so cheeky' and then that's it - no consequences. Parents not setting clear boundaries. Not playing games together or sitting around the table with no phones at mealtimes etc - that's the sort of thing I see increasing and whilst it doesn't lead to anything serious, it's contributing to a generation that is unmoored and over confident yet lacking actual resilience for life.

Nope definitely a deterrent. Not defending it. But if you don't think it's a deterrent, then you haven't experienced it.

There are no real negatives outcomes for bad behaviour for children. Teachers have no real power and usually without parental support, no authority. Parents want to be best friends with their kids. Children used to be encouraged to confirm to the norms of behaviour and a class would be taught as a whole, now children are treated as individuals with individual learning plans. Children are asked what they want to eat (so they just eat beige food) as opposed to what was presented. Children have their own 24 Hr TV channels, so they don't have to share, in family viewing. There is no new family TV viewing produced any more as everything is aimed to a specific demographic. So yes, kids do feel very entitled, we made them that way.

Agree with your first few points but why is it a bad thing that teaching should be tailored to the child? As an andumt would we not want that for ourselves? Also there are plenty of new family TV options. We watch loads as a family from Strictly to Taskmaster to Young Sheldon to Wednesday to Good Girls Guide to Murder (we have young teens).

Surely the actual truth is these kids are spending more and more time in group care, from younger and younger ages and a parent with one, 2, 3 kids of differing ages would've generally had a better chance of being on it than a nursery worker with 4/5/6 kids of a similar age and stage trying to do early phonics etc rather than teaching life skills first.

Just eat beige food, not here they don't, my kid eats a wide variety of fresh colourful foods, cooks regularly but also has a say in what is cooked/prepared/shopped for.

When I was a child kids pack ups were white bread sandwiches, choc bar and crisps with perhaps an apple or carrots. Today's kids in general have much better options, soup, salads, sushi, seeded bread etc.

As part of my PGCE I had the opportunity to interview a SENCO. She observed that classrooms used to be set up with desks facing the front / teacher. This is ideal for children with ASD.

Classrooms now, particularly at primary, are bright places with pictures and displays and children sit around a table facing each other.

This suits lots of children but not all.

Obviously changing classrooms doesn't change society but I think it is an interesting observation.

Loads of parents now seem to expect other people to raise their kids and do all the setting boundaries, etc…. Of course nurseries and schools have to help children learn to work/play together, but many parents seem to think they can just leave everything to nursery /school to sort out and it will all be fine. Loads of school staff are leaving education and those kids will only be in school until they are 16/18 and then they will be back with the parents. Good luck trying to sort them out then!!! But I expect they will just whine that it’s everyone else’s fault!

just a question here please -
Do you feel that it is right that teachers are having to spend up to 30% of the working day changing nappies & brushing teeth of pupils ?
Is this fair on other pupils .
Is this not the responsibility of parents / carers ?

It's wrong.

I agree with pp that in the past we basically had no supervision, and now helicopter parenting is a lot more common.
However I really believe that people have become a lot more entitled and children’s voices have become a lot bigger- in a lot of families I know, the child is very much on a pedestal, they are at least equal to if not above the parents. The children lack boundaries and discipline because the parents simply don’t want to upset them or some don’t want to have to put in that effort. These are often the same children who then go in to school and back chat the teacher from an early age as they fear no consequence as their parent will always back them no matter what, and they’ve basically been taught from birth that they don’t need to have respect from others but should be given respect always. I know local headteachers who have said the parents are getting worse too- being aggressive towards teachers, blindly believing whatever their child tells them. They think their child can do no wrong.

Have report for others that should say

Respect even! Need more coffee..

I have heard the same about classroom design and also that the strictures of SATS and the National Curriculum make life more difficult for ND children, It also goes some way to explaining the apparent significant increase in ND above and beyond better diagnosis

I know a family with 2 adult children with ASD with a large age gap which straddles these major changes in the school environment - their educational experiences and outcomes have been so very different despite in their parents opinion having similar personalities and levels of disability

Purely anecdotal but still interesting

I am a disabled man not a mum (sorry) I live in a surported home + one of the women looking after me (Gemma) I met her when she was wearring a nappy + her mum was pushing her in a pram Gemma has a 12 year old daughter both Gemma + her mum were/are single + very good parent's

X

Bit of a conundrum this one. On the one hand,I think a hell of a lot of parents practice 'helicopter parenting', something which was practically unheard of back in the 70s when I was growing up. So many parents today are scared to let their kids outside,for fear of abduction/paedophiles etc. I think the term 'free range children' applied to a lot of my generation (I'm 60) in that we would go out after breakfast and our parents wouldn't see us again until dinner time. This was pre mobile phones,so there was no way they could check up on where we were or what we were doing. But on the other hand,these days a lot of parents act like they couldn't care less about what their kids get up to,have no idea where they are a lot of the time,and have zero interest in what effect their kids' behaviour might have on other people.

@Efacsen it's interesting isn't it?

There has to be some effect of half the class facing away from the teacher.

Having said that my favourite classroom to teach in was a computer lab with all the children on swivel chairs and to use the computers the children had to face away.

And unfortunately it’s these parents, who have lots of children.

Yes. Like Jacob Rees Mogg.

Does Jacob Rees Mogg not want to raise his children? I didn't know that. I don't like his politics but have never heard he wasn't a good father.

He outsources it all to the nanny.

I also think parents seem more isolated now, many families don’t live close to each other to other support and advice and help raise those children.I read of some young parents who couldn’t understand why their newborn was crying and wouldn’t sleep through the night , they didn’t realise that baby needed to be fed every few hours , so sad that new parents don’t get the same support from health visitors or midwives .Maybe bring back parenting skills classes through the schools maybe for those who want them .

Then those kids go into care later to spawn more of the same, meanwhile the incompetent/feckless parents spawn more kids to replace those that were taken away. It's like self-imposed battery farming, and for too many it is their only way of making a living, through the vulnerability of their children.
Pre Industrial Revolution, having children was a necessity, a free workforce for your farm, and care into old age.
During the industrial revolution, they became a luxury item as machines did most of the labour.
Then it became a human right to have children, even if it meant at huge cost to the state for IVF or if the state intervened to care for your children because you are too feckless to do it yourself.
Very soon having children will become a privilege for those who can afford it, and those who can't afford it will be penalised.