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Original poster

Ds had nightmare about his teacher shouting

169 replies

Gigglewiggle87 · 30/08/2024 18:47

Ds had a nightmare that MR X was shouting at him for not trying hard enough to do his work at school ( this has happend). Ds has autism has an ehcp.

Anyway DS had put MR X as his picture on his home screen. I asked him why and he said because I want to stare at him.

Its sad really that it's on his mind so much that he's had a bad dream over it. 😢

OP posts:
Beforetheend · 31/08/2024 09:37

It can be difficult for some autistic people to process the rapid changes to people’s faces, and eye contact can feel incredibly, even painfully intense. I don’t think it’s odd that he wants to look at the teachers face in a safe way that doesn’t elicit interaction or reaction. I very much doubt it’s an unhealthy obsession or anything sinister.

Nightmares are usually some version of something we find terrifying, and teachers loom large in children’s lives. As do fears around homework. I honestly wouldn’t worry too much. Anxiety about going back to school is to be expected. Ease the transition as much as possible but don’t pathologise the feelings.

Original poster
Gigglewiggle87 · 31/08/2024 09:38

Glitterbomb123 · 31/08/2024 09:35

You said he had a nightmare that his teacher shouted at him. That doesn't mean he did irl?

Show quote history

He did shout at him in real life. Ds told me at the time . And when he had the night mare he reflected back to that time when he told me

OP posts:
Glitterbomb123 · 31/08/2024 09:40

PoopedAndScooped · 31/08/2024 00:25

And how do you know what every child’s way of coping is?
Do you know how their brains work? No

Very rude

Show quote history

No one should be allowed to put pictures of others as their home screen without their permission. Whether it's his way of coping or not it's totally inappropriate and unfair on that teacher

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

SEN
GarageBand · 31/08/2024 09:43

Gigglewiggle87 · 31/08/2024 09:38

He did shout at him in real life. Ds told me at the time . And when he had the night mare he reflected back to that time when he told me

Show quote history

Poor kid. He doesn’t sound like he was a very understanding teacher.

It is enlightening to see the variety of replies. It makes me realise just how different parenting our autistic children is.

For what it’s worth I think autism awareness is at an all time high, but awareness is completely different to having an in depth understanding of the day to day realities of living with autism. Many of the challenges are completely hidden to many and hard to get across.

WomanFromTheNorth · 31/08/2024 09:53

I love how everyone latches on to the child's behaviour rather than the real problem: too many crap teachers with no understanding whatsoever of SEND children and anxiety. And before you all jump on about teachers; I was a teacher, so I witnessed firsthand how insensitive and emotionally unintelligent the majority of them are. Sorry OP that your son has had a year in this environment; it's clearly been quite traumatising for him. Hopefully, next year, he'll get a more sensitive and understanding teacher.

HelenWheels · 31/08/2024 09:55

pretty confident that my ds teacher wasnt a bad teacher but the whole classroom can cause anxiety. re-enacted in a night terror

Notgoodatpoetrybutgreatatlit · 31/08/2024 09:57

Hi OP, I know what you mean about schools not being open and transparent!
My head and other leadership are really different in this respect, they are painfully honest. They say what adjustments we can make and will not over promise!
Go and have a look at the different provisions. It is easier where I work to transfer into mainstream from a specialist setting than the other way round.
I think though if your son seems to need 1 to 1 constantly a more specialist provision would work, 1 to 1 doesn't really operate well in most mainstream secondaries in my experience. I prefer to see students with your son's profile in smaller classes with more attention from adults, rather than in a huge class with a TA who is rarely a subject specialist sort of teaching under their breath so to speak. However it is all about what works best for your son, of course.

WonderingWanda · 31/08/2024 10:02

Back to school dreams are a real thing, I'm a teacher and I get them. Many teachers can't sleep the night before the first day back after a long break. I'm certain many children are feeling anxious too op. It's good that he can talk to you about how he feels. I am sure once he is back to school and has sussed out his new teacher he will forget about this dream and anything that he might be focusing on from the previous teacher. Some useful suggestions from pp about looking at his transition book and talking it all through. Glad he will be getting a more understanding teacher.

Original poster
Gigglewiggle87 · 31/08/2024 10:11

Beforetheend · 31/08/2024 09:37

It can be difficult for some autistic people to process the rapid changes to people’s faces, and eye contact can feel incredibly, even painfully intense. I don’t think it’s odd that he wants to look at the teachers face in a safe way that doesn’t elicit interaction or reaction. I very much doubt it’s an unhealthy obsession or anything sinister.

Nightmares are usually some version of something we find terrifying, and teachers loom large in children’s lives. As do fears around homework. I honestly wouldn’t worry too much. Anxiety about going back to school is to be expected. Ease the transition as much as possible but don’t pathologise the feelings.

That makes lots of sense thank you. And yeah we will be focusing on the positive things but also want just dismiss his feelings

OP posts:
Original poster
Gigglewiggle87 · 31/08/2024 10:16

Glitterbomb123 · 31/08/2024 09:40

No one should be allowed to put pictures of others as their home screen without their permission. Whether it's his way of coping or not it's totally inappropriate and unfair on that teacher

Show quote history

Did you miss the bit where I said ds is given a picture of his teacher every year . Could you please explain the difference between ds having a picture on paper and a picture on his home screen that does not leave the house.

OP posts:
Original poster
Gigglewiggle87 · 31/08/2024 10:22

WomanFromTheNorth · 31/08/2024 09:53

I love how everyone latches on to the child's behaviour rather than the real problem: too many crap teachers with no understanding whatsoever of SEND children and anxiety. And before you all jump on about teachers; I was a teacher, so I witnessed firsthand how insensitive and emotionally unintelligent the majority of them are. Sorry OP that your son has had a year in this environment; it's clearly been quite traumatising for him. Hopefully, next year, he'll get a more sensitive and understanding teacher.

A member of staff actually said to me I bet yoir so happy that he has (name) TA again . I said we are so happy. And she said it was needed. I'm not sure if I'm reading to much into that comment but for me I felt she was saying something without saying something. I actually felt quite emotional at the time. 😅

OP posts:
NotSleepingWell · 31/08/2024 10:27

Hello OP. I hope your wee guy has a lovely year! Mine is in secondary now, and absolutely thriving in a school with a Hub for kids like himself. Loads of Nurture and Personal Development. A reduced timetable and out of class five minutes early to avoid the crowds. Can you start looking for a place like this?

Original poster
Gigglewiggle87 · 31/08/2024 10:33

Notgoodatpoetrybutgreatatlit · 31/08/2024 09:57

Hi OP, I know what you mean about schools not being open and transparent!
My head and other leadership are really different in this respect, they are painfully honest. They say what adjustments we can make and will not over promise!
Go and have a look at the different provisions. It is easier where I work to transfer into mainstream from a specialist setting than the other way round.
I think though if your son seems to need 1 to 1 constantly a more specialist provision would work, 1 to 1 doesn't really operate well in most mainstream secondaries in my experience. I prefer to see students with your son's profile in smaller classes with more attention from adults, rather than in a huge class with a TA who is rarely a subject specialist sort of teaching under their breath so to speak. However it is all about what works best for your son, of course.

Thank you. We will definitely be looking at both . Although it's still 2 school years away i have been explaining to him he may not go to the same school as his friends. He has a lovely friend who he's been with since nursery so he does not know Any different and he helps ds so much they are together all the time. Obviously in secondary school this could change I do worry if SEN school could shelter ds from the real world a bit to much .

OP posts:
Original poster
Gigglewiggle87 · 31/08/2024 10:36

NotSleepingWell · 31/08/2024 10:27

Hello OP. I hope your wee guy has a lovely year! Mine is in secondary now, and absolutely thriving in a school with a Hub for kids like himself. Loads of Nurture and Personal Development. A reduced timetable and out of class five minutes early to avoid the crowds. Can you start looking for a place like this?

Edited

I'm going to look at both mainstream and sen schools to see what's available and suitable for ds. Hopefully we choose the right type

OP posts:
HerVagestyTheQueef · 31/08/2024 10:36

NotSleepingWell · 31/08/2024 10:27

Hello OP. I hope your wee guy has a lovely year! Mine is in secondary now, and absolutely thriving in a school with a Hub for kids like himself. Loads of Nurture and Personal Development. A reduced timetable and out of class five minutes early to avoid the crowds. Can you start looking for a place like this?

Edited

That's fantastic. My DD got lucky too... she got into an STF (special teaching facility) within the best local comp and was so well looked after by amazing staff.
That said, I was an absolute pain in the arse to the Accessibility department of the LED, so they wanted to keep me quiet.

OP, please find a good place and start enquiring and making your wishes known NOW; it's often the squeaky wheels that get the best provision rather than those who sit quietly and patiently on the waiting list.

HerVagestyTheQueef · 31/08/2024 10:43

Obviously in secondary school this could change I do worry if SEN school could shelter ds from the real world a bit to much .

I worried about this too, so was pleased DD had her facility within a local comp. She was in mainstream classes for much of the time - pretty much as much as she wanted - but in the STF for other lessons or when she couldn't cope.
Perhaps this sort of approach would suit your DS?

Original poster
Gigglewiggle87 · 31/08/2024 10:57

HerVagestyTheQueef · 31/08/2024 10:43

Obviously in secondary school this could change I do worry if SEN school could shelter ds from the real world a bit to much .

I worried about this too, so was pleased DD had her facility within a local comp. She was in mainstream classes for much of the time - pretty much as much as she wanted - but in the STF for other lessons or when she couldn't cope.
Perhaps this sort of approach would suit your DS?

I'm hoping for something like this. We will have to see I guess I really hope senco at his school now can help us.

OP posts:
Glitterbomb123 · 31/08/2024 13:05

Gigglewiggle87 · 31/08/2024 10:16

Did you miss the bit where I said ds is given a picture of his teacher every year . Could you please explain the difference between ds having a picture on paper and a picture on his home screen that does not leave the house.

Show quote history

The difference is the teacher has agreed to give that photo so your son understands what his teacher will look like, not agreed for it to be his home screen picture. I upload pictures to social media and although I can't control where those photos go, it would be weird and inappropriate for someone to have it as their screen saver.

Original poster
Gigglewiggle87 · 31/08/2024 13:59

Glitterbomb123 · 31/08/2024 13:05

The difference is the teacher has agreed to give that photo so your son understands what his teacher will look like, not agreed for it to be his home screen picture. I upload pictures to social media and although I can't control where those photos go, it would be weird and inappropriate for someone to have it as their screen saver.

Show quote history

I honestly think you need to educate yourself on autism/special needs .

OP posts:
HerVagestyTheQueef · 31/08/2024 14:26

Glitterbomb123 · 31/08/2024 13:05

The difference is the teacher has agreed to give that photo so your son understands what his teacher will look like, not agreed for it to be his home screen picture. I upload pictures to social media and although I can't control where those photos go, it would be weird and inappropriate for someone to have it as their screen saver.

Show quote history

Dont worry: the teacher has no idea and it won't affect him in any way. 🙄

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 31/08/2024 15:57

worry: the teacher has no idea and it won't affect him in any way. 🙄

I think that’s the argument people use when they do things like upload nude photos without permission.
Just because they have no idea, doesn’t make it appropriate.

yellowsun · 31/08/2024 16:19

Some ridiculous posts on this thread. As someone who used to be a SENDCo and has an autistic child, I get it. Does your son find it hard to let go of grudges? I wondered if he was angry at the teacher in his dream and that’s why he wanted to stare at him.

Teachers sign to say that they consent to their picture being put on the website. They won’t give two hoots about an autistic child looking at it. Having a picture of a teacher that is readily available online is not putting the child at risk and therefore not and a safeguarding issue. Ridiculous.

OP- does he have an EHCP?

PoopedAndScooped · 31/08/2024 16:24

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 31/08/2024 09:13

It is a safeguarding issue - not for the pupil but for the member of staff, who also has a right to be safeguarded.
Autism or not, setting the wallpaper of your tablet to the face of a member of staff so you can stare at them is not appropriate.

You know how crazy you sound 😂

PoopedAndScooped · 31/08/2024 16:33

Glitterbomb123 · 31/08/2024 09:40

No one should be allowed to put pictures of others as their home screen without their permission. Whether it's his way of coping or not it's totally inappropriate and unfair on that teacher

Show quote history

Inappropriate and unfair? You need to get a grip and do some research and while we are at it. Real the damn thread! He has a picture of his teacher in paper form. So what is the difference.

Christ. Some people need to wake the fuck up

ratherbesurfing · 31/08/2024 16:36

I’m amazed at some of the responses on here and can’t help but wonder what goes through some people’s heads.

An autistic kid uses a photo (which is in the public domain) of someone to help them process anxiety related to a traumatic experience, in what way is that a safeguarding issue? Unless I’ve missed it, there’s no indication of violence or sexual ideation.