How old were you when you stopped having sex.

[whatisforteamum]

I'm 57 and realised that I barely ever have sex now
Relationship issues and dh has had ED since a heart attack does have Viagra though.
I don't have much drive really tbh.
How old where you when you stopped having sex?

"Do you still find her attractive as an older woman" I've heard it all now. 🤦‍♀️

There are 'older women' who have looks & bodies women half their age would give anything to have. Age has nothing to do with being attractive. You can be attractive at any age. It's a myth that most men only find young women attractive.

Yes that’s true. But in the case the poster was referring to, the wife presumably had a younger version of the same body he was used to ( not the body of someone who would give anything to have her body).
Ive heard a lot of women say they have gone off sex for this reason ( I think even done on this thread). And my question was IS it a myth. But let’s wait and see if the poster responds… To be honest I see far more men leave for younger models than I do leaving for older women. So I can see where some women get that idea.

I feel people use the word intimacy for sex, when really, intimacy is so much more.
My relationship now has far more intimacy than my marriage had.

That's exactly what my mum said when she was widowed many years ago

I also think it’s a lot to do with the quality of your relationship (if we’re talking about sex in a relationship). It’s really difficult to sustain an interest in sex when you can’t stand your partner for another minute.

I’ve no doubt my lack of interest in any more sex or relationships is down to this. I’m adamant I don’t want either again, but who knows, if someone really was a genuinely lovely guy, I might change my mind. I’m not looking though so they’d have to literally be handed to me by some kind of guardian Angel.

My mum was widowed at 66 and also said the exact same thing. She never did have anyone else and passed away twenty two years later.

'No-one should think for one minute that because a married couple are having sex that it means one of them isn’t straying.'

Obviously not but it is for more likely that someone, male or female, will stray if they are constantly rejected by their dp.

I'm not sure how I'd feel if my dh told me he didn't find me sexually attractive anymore. May as well just be friends.

But you can stilldins them very attractive.

Just have no interest in sex.

38 and not by choice. I gave up trying to initiate in January of this year after being rejected probably over 100 times.

I'm trying to work out whether I stick in a sexless relationship (we don't live together but see each other 3 or 4 nights a week) or end the relationship entirely. If I end the relationship there is no guarantee that I would meet anyone and my confidence is rock bottom as it is.

He says that he still finds me attractive but can't 'bring himself' to have sex; we had a particularly difficult year with lots of stress that started all this off. I do wonder if he is just saying that to keep me onside. We are are affectionate, lots of hugs and kisses but the less I have sex the less I need the affection, they go together for me.
Edited to add - I have the same experience as PPs that we have often planned it and had a lovely day or evening in the build up and the the absolute crushing disappointment when he rolls over and goes to sleep. I have had to get up and cry in the bathroom many nights.

You are so young to be stuck in a sexless relationship. If people are much older with lots of health problems I can understand but at 38 and you don't even live together no, this should be the rampant bit.

I'm sorry you've had a stressful time and your confidence is at rock bottom maybe step back from the relationship try and focus on your wellbeing then look for a relationship when you feel a bit happier. At 38 you really shouldn't be having a partner roll over and go to sleep. Might he be gay or maybe into porn?

I hear you and to think I am too young to be in this situation.

I had a sexless marriage which ended in divorce in my early 30s. Spent a few years on my own and got to a place where I felt happy, met my current boyfriend and we were good for the first year. Then came our bad year with stress both sides and here we are.

I don't think he's gay, porn is definitely a factor. Sometimes he watches and sometimes he doesn't. I have told him how it makes me feel and that it's a huge barrier to his ability to have a functioning sex life which he says he wants.

But then I think most men watch porn, which adds to my feelings of why leave and find someone else for potentially the same experience. Or be on my own when I won't be having sex. So either way I still won't have a sex life.

I am getting therapy to help understand how I feel and work through how important that is to me and answer the question do I stay or do I go.

Sorry for the delay, we’re on holiday so I’m trying not to look at my iPad too much and I haven’t told her I’ve posted this so I’m picking my moments, it’s just that the subject matter struck a chord and it was mostly women replying.

She didn’t really explain beyond that she didn’t know why but it just never crossed her mind anymore, had no interest and that was that. I’m not sure what else I could expect her to explain. She was apologetic and felt guilty but it was just the way she felt. The menopause and HRT, when she finally got it from the doctor, right royally screwed up her whole body, I would never wish that on anyone but the result out the other side is what it is.

‘Do I find her attractive as an older woman’ almost seems a loaded question. She is not the same shape as she has been in the past, fitness instructor, ran the London Marathon etc before taking an office job as the only option of promotion and sat behind a desk for years, but that’s almost beside the question. I’m not the same either and I never did what she did. The way I coped with the situation, and to avoid the feeling of constant rejection has been to totally separate her from any sexual feelings I have. So I guess, no I don’t find her attractive because if I did I would be constantly frustrated. She is, however, my best friend, my closest companion and we have survived hardship, trial and joy together.

But I still miss being with someone who fancies me, wants to touch me and wants me to touch them. I don’t think that’s an unnatural thing. Sorry if this upsets anyone but I’m just trying to be honest x

37 because that's when I split with my ex and I've not had a relationship since :( .

I'm now 48 and so it's hard to tell if I'd still feel the same as I did when younger.

I think you should seriously consider ending this exclusive relationship. You are basically friends. You could hopefully remain friends, but be free to find ‘your person’. Lovely, sexy men are out there (though sometimes we kiss a few frogs) and 38 is far too young to opt for celibacy. As I said earlier, I’m 65 and my husband is 71 this year. We have both lost of libidos, but we previously had high sex drives and relished each other. We still have chemistry, joke and fool around sexually, flirt etc, we just no longer have the impetus to have sex. It doesn’t sound as if you even have that.

The main thing about your posts that I find intriguing is the fact you appear unable to share with your wife her explanation for the lack of intimacy is not enough for you. There must be some way of reaching out to her to let her know it's not just the sex you are missing, it's the physical touch.Perhaps begin with offering her a gentle head, shoulders & back massage in return for the same. It's sad you admit you don't find your wife attractive. I've no doubt she picks up on this and it must hurt. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you really love someone you will be attracted to them regardless of looks.

I agree with this. I’ve voluntarily given up sex but I’m in my 60s and have no emotional need for it. I certainly did in my 30s though.

I think one of the reasons I find it so difficult to know what to do is because we do have chemistry. We joke, have a great laugh, we do flirt with each other and make time for each other. We have similar views, goals and hugely enjoy spending time together. We are affectionate, we cuddle, kiss and hold hands there is just no sex.

No it’s not upsetting; it’s informative and very honest.

I don’t expect this will be a total consolation but fwiw it sounds to me as though it may be in part a loss of her sense of self as a “ sexual person.” Society ties sexual attractiveness to appearance a lot and I think it’s fair to say that this is at least as much or more do the case for women. That doesn’t change the situation from a practical perspective but might lessen any sense of rejection on your part?

48. Single for two years but went 8 months without sex before we split so it will be 3 years at Christmas since I last had sex. I'm 50.

Couldn't be less interested if I tried.

That does seem a shame.

Either I’ve not explained it properly or you have missed the point entirely. We hug regularly, we kiss when going out the door, nothing more than that i.e. no snogging. However, she is entirely aware of what I’m missing but feels no interest in it herself so it doesn’t happen and no amount of massaging body parts, romantic dinners or anything else would change that.

There are many women on this thread who have said that they have no interest in sex and are happy with that, my wife is the same. None of these women appear to be saying that they wish it weren’t the case and none of them would start taking pills, injections or therapy to change that, they are happy as they are. I just have to either accept it or walk away and I think I’ve already laid out what I’d be walking away from, something that many relationships don’t achieve.

That doesn’t change my frustration and desire however! x

Yes, total misunderstanding.My reply was in the context of your post saying you missed having someone who wants me to touch them and them to touch me. I read it as neither of you going near each other physically. I missed the post where you said we kiss and cuddle. You sound as if you have a very close and loving relationship.

I'm.55, last time was Saturday, I do enjoy it once in the zone, it's just getting motivated , i could probably live quite happily never having it again lol

It's been six or seven years since we had sex. DH has bad back issues, but also once he turned 75 got less and less interested and less and less able and finally said "I can't do this any more". He was very willing to help me out but basically didn't want anything for himself. For me, that was a killer of my interest. If it's not mutual, I don't want it. We have a lovely marriage otherwise, and we kiss and cuddle and are physically affectionate to each other, but still at the age of 74 (me) when we cuddle in bed I can feel myself starting to become aroused and I just have to put a lid on it. If he should die before me (unlikely - he has great longevity genes in his family and looks after his health well) I doubt anybody I'd be interested in would be interested in me sexually, so I think that's a part of my life that's gone now.

I'm 38. I haven't completed stopped but it's very infrequent. I'm not interested. Been with her too long. It's very boring when you have been with someone for 15+ years. I'll do it to keep her happy though.

We still have a good connection, some kisses.

A new woman would be very exciting for sex but absolutely not worth ruining my life for so I just accept its part of my life that has faded.