How old were you when you stopped having sex.

[whatisforteamum]

I'm 57 and realised that I barely ever have sex now
Relationship issues and dh has had ED since a heart attack does have Viagra though.
I don't have much drive really tbh.
How old where you when you stopped having sex?

At 38 I was still sexually active and wasn’t planning on stopping either.

The strange thing is it can just happen. I was very sexually active, was a ‘sexy’ person and then one day (back in 2016) it just happened that I no longer wanted it again (ever). 8 years later it hasn’t changed, I embrace it even more. I just feel free. I didn’t even dislike sex I just literally lost my appetite for it and for relationships. Maybe if I’d had a long and very happy marriage I’d feel differently, I’ll never know. I just know something that once took up a lot of my brain space doesn’t register at all now.

If him being honest resulted in him saying that he never enjoyed sex and it was a complete chore, done just to placate you, how would you feel and what would it mean for the relationship?

I have total sympathy for you as it feels eerily familiar.
The romantic weekends away, lovely meals, moonlit walks by the seashore, the heightened anticipation that tonight will be the night when your partner shows some interest or desire for your body and ...
you get to bed, they roll over and fall asleep.!

That’s how I feel. I’ve shagged enough in my lifetime. A bit like if you eat too much of one foodstuff you don’t ever want to eat it again (looking at you huge shellfish platter I had years ago and can never face again 🤢).

I do think having a family and having friends is a huge plus in embracing a celibate life (and no romantic relationship).

The desire can be there to start with when you take the tablet - but as it doesn’t always kick in straightaway (can be an hour or several hours later) the desire can have disappeared in the interim. Planning sex not always feasible - carers responsibilities, demands from kids, unpredictable and heavy peri periods are just a couple of examples. I’ve never found planning sex very sexy either and I’m sure I’m not alone in that.

This is exactly me!
Lost interest after dc2 at 36. Diagnosed with premature menopause at 39.
44 now & have tried a few times the last year or 2 for dh's sake but it hurt so much & have zero interest.
Really thought I was a complete weirdo to no longer want it at all, so very refreshing to hear so many others who feel the same!

We've over 30yrs together, we're solid and he knows it, we're both as sure as anyone can be that our relationship is secure and the lack of sex won't harm it.
The frustration, anticipation, dishonesty and constant feeling of being let down might though, and yes, I have told him that too 😢

Your food analogy really resonates with me, actually. I do this thing where I fixate on a food for days, weeks, or even years at a time. Like eating exactly the same sandwich every single lunchtime until I literally can't stomach that food combo for the rest of my life, or for years afterwards. I've done this with soooo many foods. And it totally makes sense to me that sex could be another one of those things I've overdone! Probably a bit of a reach, but it really does fit with my addictive personality.

And you're right about having great and loving relationships with family and friends - it gives me a fulfilled life, but without any of the stress that comes with a romantic relationship. I won't say I don't very occasionally miss being in a romantic partnership, because I do - once in a blue moon. Because that level of closeness just can't be achieved with platonic relationships...but then I remember all the shitty things about romantic relationships and realise I'm more than happy with my single, celibate life!!

Interesting thread.

40 and I don't miss it. I've been single nearly 3 years and can't see myself getting in a relationship anytime soon. Would rather have a chunk of cake and a coffee than have sex 😁

I totally get it. I have a habit of being ‘all in’ on something then after a while totally lose interest. It seems that sex has gone the same way and after eight years I can’t see it coming back and I’m happy with that.

Also I think being in my sixties the men my age (no offence really meant) but I just don’t find them attractive. I’m sure if you grow older with them it’s different as you grow wrinkly and fatter together but when your first encounter with them is later in life it’s harder to find the attraction (for me) than if we’d met as fresh faced teens/twenty somethings.

Always. 😂

Even though I did like sex I never bought into that it’s the best thing ever opinion some people have. I can think of loads of things I prefer and did prefer even at my peak sexual activity. A good scalp massage (now that really is the best thing ever), chocolate, cake, fish and chips when you’re really hungry and the smell of vinegar hits you. I’d rather any of these things than sex 😁

Thank you for posting this OP. I have enjoyed reading all the posts to realise it isn’t just me. I did have a high sex drive pre menopause however since, none at all not even masturbation . My husband of 12 years doesn’t seem bothered other than a blow job every now and then. It seems our relationship is more about companionship than anything else. I was starting to think I was the only one!

@Justploddingon coffee and cake every time 😅

So glad I'm not the only one who feels like this.

54 as virginal atrophy took its toll. Thanks to HRT resumed at 57.

Thirty nine

Its so nice not having to pretend I find men attractive anymore.

I've just turned 38. I don't think we've had sex since DD was born, can't remember about when I was pregnant and she's about to turn 4. DH is 46 and doesn't seem bothered.

So I'd guess around 34.

Virginal atrophy. 🤪

I’d have thought so. And I don’t see harm in discussion without putting pressure. Otherwise it’s an elephant in the room. But a clear statement of not wanting to is time to back off.

I actually think it’s encouraging that relationships can exist without it. So many people act like it’s the whole point.

Or look for sex outside the relationship

Indeed. People accept the situation as they have little choice unless they want to separate but all it takes is a willing third party amd suddenly 'my dp doesn't mind the sexless relationship' story changes. You only have to look at the relationships board to see it every single day.

I feel you can still keep the romance alive, even if sex isn’t on the cards. I love the companionship of cuddling up in bed, kissing hello, goodbye, good night etc., and secure in the knowledge that we both have each other’s backs. We share lovely moments while away for our weekends which we both love doing. However having said that, if our time together ever comes to an end for whatever reason, I would be happy to stay single spending time with family, friends and our dogs.

Thank you, yes, I know this is what I need. I just need to manage to get an appointment to see the GP to get the prescription...

I put off getting mine for years because I was too embarrassed to see a dr… then managed to get a prescription via a phone consultation! The prescription is a repeat one.. just need to reorder every 12 weeks.

I'm nearly 75, DP not far off, sex has always played a big part in our lives and we still have intense sessions about once a week or two, don't have a schedule or expectations so we'll be at it at any time of day and, within reason, almost anywhere that's private. We've slowed down over the years and sometimes it's a bit of a struggle for me to achieve "the clouds and rain" but we know what works for each other and I make sure DP gets there, preferably several times. Toys help, so does keeping as fit as possible. Still got years left in us and it bonds us tighter as time goes by.