How old were you when you stopped having sex.

[whatisforteamum]

I'm 57 and realised that I barely ever have sex now
Relationship issues and dh has had ED since a heart attack does have Viagra though.
I don't have much drive really tbh.
How old where you when you stopped having sex?

“Nether regions for sitting on in big, ugly pants!” 🤣

This is rather like me. As in, I had a fair amount of sex, sexy encounters etc over the years. Plenty of hot and sweaty shagging and the regular sex you get in long term relationships. I would have described myself as a sexual person and enjoyed being seen as sexy. I couldn’t feel more differently now. No longer want a relationship (ever, not bitter or anything, just ‘done’). I never want or will need sex again and am very happy about that. I don’t feel envy at other people’s active sex lives I feel relief at the lack of one. Been there, done that, don’t need to revisit.

I’m so relieved to hear this view, as we might all end up with health issues. So many people act as though a sexless relationship is only some kind of second rate relationship ( LTB!) and I’m left thinking what about if something happens ( prolapse, vaginal thinning etc) and you just can’t.

😳🙊

It’s interesting, too, that as being “out and proud” is so much more a thing these days, that asexuality still seems to be the last one hiding in the closet. I know at least a couple of people whom I suspect are ( though I could be wildly wrong guess🤣) and I’d love to be able to see them feel free to “own it.”

Ah yes, see the post I have just posted. I think asexuality is the last sexual taboo and I don’t understand why. As I say, I have s couple of friends I’ve known for years for whom everything points to them being asexual and I wish they felt they could be proud of that.

I’m definitely not asexual (not that there’s anything wrong with that of course). I can still find a man sexually attractive but it’s from a distance (perhaps a celebrity). I haven’t fancied a man in real life for a number of years and wouldn’t want to. I’ve grown to hate that butterfly feeling or that feeling of self consciousness around a new attractive man, I had way too much of that in the past lol.

Gosh I do feel sad reading this thread, for those who have seemingly never had the joy of it.

But everyone’s different. I had lots of joy with it when l was interested. But now 🥱🥱🥱 As a young woman l was never bothered about lots of sex.

Not everyone wants joy from sex. I get joy from other things.

It’s funny because the butterfly feeling has always been the best bit for me in some ways!

But we are all so different. And this thread is eye-opening in that regard. Clearly there are many, many variations in both directions on the cliche of marriage as ( after a while) a once or twice weekly “wham-bam-thank-you-m’am.”

Mid to late 40s and not happy about it (spot the username lol).
I've always had a higher sexdrive than DH but in the beginning we were well matched for quite a while, I'm not sure when he decided it was a Saturday morning chore and then it became a blue moon activity.
And well, you know what they say about use it or lose it 🙄 he's been to the docs twice. They've done blood tests, but he will not phone up for the results.

He's got the little blue pill and has taken it once in 6yrs but because it didn't give an instantaneous reaction, and his idea of foreplay is a little prescribed shall we say, (tweak this twice to the left, tweak that twice to the right, stick finger in there and wiggle, and good to go) and it didn't have the desired effect, he won't use it again.
So I've had to accept enforced celibacy about 30yrs younger than I was hoping to and I'm fuming 🤨

@BunnyLake Got it in one! I have zero envy of other people's relationships, too. I'm happy for them, but I very much enjoy being on my own. I have a lovely family and a few great friends - that's enough for me. I think I'm pretty much shagged out at 54! 🤣

I concur. I was 29 when I last had sex and I'm coming up to 40 next year. I've had a few offers from friends and two of my ex's but I just CBA. I think I've took to this single life and peace too much 😆, that and my body has changed so much since then; and it's been that long I'd probably not have the stamina I used to.

I know I commented earlier but reading this is scary haha, I’m 38 female and hope I reply saying still not stopped when I’m 105!

I can’t imagine a life without sex

But do you have a right to be angry though if your partner's libido has disappeared?
It may be frustrating but I don't think you can force someone to want to have sex with you if they don't want to and in some cases it may repulse them?

I'm kinda playing devil's advocate as I'm on the same side of the fence as you but different gender.

How do you carry on with the knowledge/feeling that your partner may not want to participate and may be forcing themselves to, because they still want to preserve the relationship?
When does this situation turn into coercion or something worse?

You simply stop. You do not try and talk them round, you just stop. No one should have to have sex they don't want. You don't insist on sex the other person doesn't want.

You then have a choice, you can remain celibate or end the relationship.

And I guess what this thread is showing is that a sexless relationship is in fact a thing and a thing plenty of people are at ease about . Personally I think in your situation discussing it and what they are happy with is fine. There must be some sort of middle ground: only every so often? Or no penetration? I’m not so sure it should be off limits to at least discuss. That in itself is not coercion provided there is no threatening or manipulating.

I think what I'm angry about is his lack of honest in the situation. Your question is a fair one and I completely get where you're coming from.

I've tried to talk to him about it, I've asked if he doesn't want sex any more, shall we agree to have a celibate relationship, etc. But he's the one insisting that he does still want sex, that he wants to try. He builds my hopes up but then does nothing and leaves me upset. And he knows that. I've told him how much it upsets me, because it makes me feel that it's me that's unattractive (weight gain) when he promises he wants sex but rejects me night after night, even refusing to take the pill.

We once planned a lovely night, at his suggestion, nice romantic meal out, walk, snuggles in front of the tv, he was going to take the pill, etc. We did it all to set the scene, then we went to bed he turned over and went to sleep while I cried.
Next morning I asked him what happened, his response "Oh I forgot". Way to make a woman feel special!

Does that put a bit more context to my feelings for you?

I quite enjoy it too. I’ve got used to my own space and am quite content being single. I have a labrador so get lots of snuggles. I’ve had a few offers especially recently as lost weight and gotten fitter. Also as DC age I have more freedom and their Dad is more involved so have more time for me so in general looking good.

I think though I’ve decided on being single till Dc are adults and then I want to travel and adventure a bit. some on this thread have mentioned companionship which might be worth considering in my 50s.

I love this thread!!
im 36, was with my children’s dad for around 20 years, we didn’t have sex a lot, infact after my 15 year old we prob only had sex once a year.
new relationship now and can’t keep our filthy paws off each other haha!

I don't know what others get up to in their bedrooms but I wouldn't take a thread asking people when they last had sex as any proof of anything.

Of course ask if your partner is happy for some sexual relationship, but accept their answer.

Manipulation would be an emotional reaction such as anger or sulking or even pleading.

Yes it was when I was younger but I hate it now. It means I can’t think straight, that I’m concerning myself with how I look, how do I come across, am I speaking nonsense, I can’t focus on other things etc.

A friend recently started a crush on someone and she’s trying so work out how to see if he likes her etc and I just thought no, not for me I couldn’t be arsed with all that again (although I wish her luck etc). We are both in our 60s.

But probably the vast majority of couples have different libido so in many cases one person may not be in the mood but goes ahead with it (and probably enjoys it) for the good of the overall relationship.
Sometimes it's a grey area and the person with low libido will claim they do enjoy it.

I'm talking about people who have no interest in sex for whatever reason.

I'm guessing that the number of people who have no interest whatsoever is quite small.
I suspect the number who have low libido but will participate occasionally is much higher.

That's nice.