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Original poster

How old were you when you stopped having sex.

575 replies

whatisforteamum · 30/08/2024 08:51

I'm 57 and realised that I barely ever have sex now
Relationship issues and dh has had ED since a heart attack does have Viagra though.
I don't have much drive really tbh.
How old where you when you stopped having sex?

OP posts:
VeganStar · 01/09/2024 00:26

Itsnotallaboutyoulikeyouthink · 30/08/2024 11:26

38 widowed . But forever married in my eyes.

47 widowed. Same,forever married.

Mt61 · 01/09/2024 00:26

DollydaydreamTheThird · 31/08/2024 21:53

You should speak to GP about loss of libido. You can get testosterone patches that help with it. Google it. If you can't speak to GP you can go private on superdrug etc for testosterone for women in menopause. Worth a try....

Show quote history

They told me a could only have testosterone if I had no womb, which I have

VeganStar · 01/09/2024 00:41
  1. 19 years ago. Widowed

Haven’t slept with anyone since my DH died. Heck I haven’t even been out with anyone since my husband died.
Don’t think anyone could come close to be honest.

I can’t imagine myself being intimate with anyone other than him.

Not that I want to. I even stopped the DIY years ago don’t have any sexual feelings at all now. I’ve always had a low sex drive but rarely said no to DH. We didn’t do it much anyway so it worked out fine for us both.

Can’t see me ever having sex again but that’s ok as I’ve never missed it.

Anon3837 · 01/09/2024 01:14

I last had sex just over ten years ago - I’m only early 40s…in a marriage. It makes me feel really sad.

GettingStuffed · 01/09/2024 01:24

I'm 60 and last has sex about a month ago. We used to have a great sex life until DH has heart attack.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 01/09/2024 01:50

Not managed to have sex that doesn’t end in UTI symptoms since I was 43 (5 years ago) still attempt it but always end up in pain for days/weeks afterward, it’s off putting. Annoyingly my libido is quite high and if my physical health wasn’t fucking up like this I’d probably be having the time of my life with DH. And I’m on HRT patches and vagifem, anything topical makes it worse, can’t even wank without weeks of pain afterwards. I always assumed giving up sex was a choice as you aged, wish I’d known how my health would rob me of it, I’d have had much more when I was younger!

BoreOffAboutYerChickensEmma · 01/09/2024 02:20

Went through a sexless marriage once, eventually left. New relationship was great, but his libido is declining, mine is not. If it dwindles much more, I’ll ‘only” be 45, so will be looking for an intimate relationship again. I am bi, so more options. DH doesn’t enjoy physical intimacy in between sex and I miss that too much to be like this forever.

Prriorayingly · 01/09/2024 03:28

We don’t have sex but we’re happy together. I get tired of hearing that sex is essential for a happy relationship. It’s not. Ill health brings all sorts of challenges but you can still love each other and care for each other without sex.

ouro66 · 01/09/2024 05:38

I'm 58, my wife is 59. It doesn't happen that often now (maybe once a month), but by God we go at it hammer and tongs.

ArseInTheCoOpWindow · 01/09/2024 06:18

Prriorayingly · 01/09/2024 03:28

We don’t have sex but we’re happy together. I get tired of hearing that sex is essential for a happy relationship. It’s not. Ill health brings all sorts of challenges but you can still love each other and care for each other without sex.

This.

I feel there’s 2 bastions of feminism still to be stormed,

Housework and the fact that it’s fine to be not interested in sex.

Threewheeler1 · 01/09/2024 06:20

Doggymummar · 30/08/2024 10:38

52 three years ago. Bloody peri and my fibroids mean there is no room for a tampon let alone anything else!

51 and snap!

tealpassat · 01/09/2024 06:38

42, married and could gave sex, I'd actually love sex but not with my DH.

So for me it's either divorce or affair or not bother, I'm 49 now and one of the above may have to happen as I still have a strong sex drive.

Emptyandsad · 01/09/2024 06:43

SirChenjins · 30/08/2024 15:46

Agree with this - although I understand for some it’s not bragging, more just a complete inability to answer the actual question correctly

Show quote history

It's not an exam, it's a conversation...

helpplease01 · 01/09/2024 07:37

Libido disappeared! Menopause.
Honestly, as if I had dropped a stone. I’m really interested in this thread because I don’t think it’s talked about enough. Men have viagra. Women’s libido is completely ignored. It’s gutting. I feel so sad about it. Husband and I been together 25 years. I wish I was into it like i used to be but I’m not.
I’m fed up of all the advice oh how important it is in a relationship and yet as half the population this aspect of menopause is ignored. Testosterone gell ? How long do you need to use it for before it works. And the gell I was given was actually for men and the GP wasn’t sure how much to use each day?

Emptyandsad · 01/09/2024 07:41

Last had sex in 2020 when I was 60, shortly before my wife died.

I still have some libido, although the mixture of grief and ageing over the the last 4 years has left me unsure of what I want and even what I'm capable of. I'd love to have the joy of a relationship again, but I can't imagine one with anyone but her.

I miss the sex for all that came with it: cuddling, laughing, intimacy, joy - not to mention the magnificence of post-coital sleep!

MySocksAreDotty · 01/09/2024 08:02

Sex has been once a year for the last 6 or so years (starting in mid 30s for me). First there was DH MH breakdown, depression meds causing no libido, then I didn’t even care about getting things on track due to rejection and now peri seems to be hitting quite early. He has recently tried to start things up again, which has been super nice. Let’s hope it continues.

pandp · 01/09/2024 08:07

I am 74, currently single, and still enjoy sex with the right person, use it or lose it.

ncforcatquestion · 01/09/2024 08:18

I didn't realise this was a thing

SirChenjins · 01/09/2024 08:32

helpplease01 · 01/09/2024 07:37

Libido disappeared! Menopause.
Honestly, as if I had dropped a stone. I’m really interested in this thread because I don’t think it’s talked about enough. Men have viagra. Women’s libido is completely ignored. It’s gutting. I feel so sad about it. Husband and I been together 25 years. I wish I was into it like i used to be but I’m not.
I’m fed up of all the advice oh how important it is in a relationship and yet as half the population this aspect of menopause is ignored. Testosterone gell ? How long do you need to use it for before it works. And the gell I was given was actually for men and the GP wasn’t sure how much to use each day?

It’s true that men have Viagra, but it doesn’t work how you might think - you don’t take it and always instantly get an erection. Sometimes you need to take 2, or the effects can take a while to kick in - so the unpredictability can be a bit of a passion killer. Plus, as someone said upthread, it gives you an erection but not the desire.

Gloriia · 01/09/2024 10:09

SirChenjins · 01/09/2024 08:32

It’s true that men have Viagra, but it doesn’t work how you might think - you don’t take it and always instantly get an erection. Sometimes you need to take 2, or the effects can take a while to kick in - so the unpredictability can be a bit of a passion killer. Plus, as someone said upthread, it gives you an erection but not the desire.

Show quote history

Surely it is taken when there is a desire to have sex and regarding spontaneity it isn't uncommon for those in long term relationships to actually plan sex with a build up to it.

Those in sexless relationships, how does your dp feel is it a mutual thing?

theresabluebirdinmyheart · 01/09/2024 10:15

32, never liked it anyway. Wish I’d stayed true to myself and remained a virgin. But societal pressure got to me.

SmokeyToo · 01/09/2024 10:16

I last had sex 18 months ago. Then split with my partner. But I completely lost my libido at menopause, which was a huge shock to me - I was a massive floozy in my younger years and had dozens of partners, plus a marriage and subsequent divorce. Have never been without a man in my life until I split with my ex 18 months ago. Not having to have sex has been liberating for me. I did have a fair bit of sex with my ex because he had a high libido and I felt really bad about losing mine, but it was completely unenjoyable for me after menopause. Not having to think about making myself have sex has been amazing! But I'm glad I basically shagged myself to death when I was younger as well.

Imy06 · 01/09/2024 10:17

I've just turned 40 in July. Left my kids' dad in December last year. Ex and I had sex maybe a handful of times in the year before we split up. I feel like I don't ever want to be intimate with anyone ever again.

RaraRachael · 01/09/2024 10:42

Gosh I do feel sad reading this thread, for those who have seemingly never had the joy of it.

I don't feel remotely sad. In fact I'd feel much more sad if I was still going through the chore that was sex for me - regardless of who it was with.
Okay, some people think it's absolutely essential in a relationship but for others it just isn't.

It isn't a "joy" for everyone.

DawnBreaks · 01/09/2024 10:49

I'm 65, partner 66, together for almost 50 years I honestly cant remember when we had 'proper' sex last. Maybe 3 years? My libido disappeared with the menopause and as yet hasn't returned. I do however 'sort him out' quite often! He's happy with this and we joke about my lack of urges. There are still cuddles and affection.
I remember when I was younger being in the company of older women, who were chatting about sex and the fact they would rather have a cuppa and would pretend to be asleep when partner came to bed to avoid sex! I was aghast and determined there and then I wouldn't be like that when I was older. Ha! That worked out well didn't it?