Would you find this rude/be hurt by this? (Halloween party)

[itsahalloweenone]

A halloween party with over 20 people invited.

Couple are hosting it but they didn't invite the man's parents who live less than an hour drive away but invited his brothers and cousins as well as friends.

The reason given is that the couple want to be with people their own age (between 25 and 28 years old). Their parents are relatively young (both just turned 50 years old) and tend to mingle with their son's friends fine.

Would you find this rude? Why or why not? How would you address it on both sides?

Thank you

Yes

My dcs are in their 20’s. I’d not turn up at their party. I’d actually leave them to it for the weekend and they still live at home!

Why can't the husband help with all that? Presumably if they needed help they would ask.

I assume they haven't got kids yet and will await the "wife's" my crazy MIL posts ....

Why do you need to go along in the car to pick up DS?

That doesn't matter at all.

My husband's friends come round often, they're my friends now too. We both do the catering/make drinks etc because we're both here, socialising, regardless of whose friends they initially were.

There's no reason to believe that she's just hanging around in the kitchen while he socialises. They're socialising as a couple, or she wouldn't be there, she'd go out or make plans with her friends.

Honestly this shows a worrying lack of boundaries. You've taken a very normal action in not inviting you as a bit of a betrayal, and you're planning on going away because you want to. That type of behaviour will put your relationship with them at risk.

You're being really, really weird about this.

It doesn't matter what relationship you have with your son or how old you are. It is totally fucking normal for people to have a party without inviting their mum and dad, and it would be absolutely awful of you to insist on turning up when you'd been specifically told that the party was for your son's friends. Your kids are entitled to a social life without you and your son and his partner are also capable of entertaining a few friends without you being there to supervise the making of sandwiches. You sound really overbearing and obsessive.

This would have something my MIL did, yes my DH mates would have been chatty and pleased to see her but would they really have wanted her there? No. It changes the dynamic.

Dress up in a full body, full face mask costume and they’ll never know it’s you!

"What if the parents offer to help with hosting, like bringing some food, help serve it etc...? good relationship between all sons and parents" Still no. The parents sound desperate. There has to be more to this than just a halloween party!

DO NOT ' jump ' in the car with one of the young adults that has been invited.

IF they had wanted / do want a hand with food prep that would be done BEFORE the party, not during.

YOU will be the odd one out ! Find your own party invitations !

So you think that your daughter in law is sufficiently distanced from her husband’s friends that she’ll have no involvement in the party beyond serving sandwiches, but you as his mum would be totally welcome to join in and be the life and soul? Okaaaaay.

Emotionally blackmail them you mean. Still no.

😂

So you have recently turned 50 and your son is 27. That means you were only 23 when you had him. You missed out on having a fun time at his age as by then you were a mum to two children. No judgement at all but I think you don’t understand what it is to be his age as you were grown up and responsible by then.

OP, if I may be kind for a second, ask yourself why you are so desperate to go to this party that you would violate well established social norms to do something that most people would see as a 'desperate' or 'attention seeking.'

• is it that you miss your kids? and they now have their own life and you are lonely?
• did you have kids young and miss out on this?
• is your partner/husband away visiting his mother and this is making you anxious?
• are you worried that one day DS2 will move out too and it will just be you and your husband, and if you are not part of their inner circle then you will be lost.

It might be helpful for you to unpack WHY you are so keen to go to this party.

Real life June George...

No not at all. If my adult children had a Halloween party and wanted it to be for their friends their own age I wouldn’t be offended in the slightest.

Why would you even want to go to a party you’re not invited to?!

BOUNDARIES!!!

Er - what?

Have we entered a time warp or something without me noticing?

Trust me, if it's a Hallowe'en party, there will be alcohol involved. Unless you are saying every single guest is teetotal.

"I didn't mean it as in show up unannounced. DS1 will be picking up DS2, I'd obviously inform them as I don't have a car of my own and will have to jump in with them." You don't have to jump in with them because YOU WEREN'T INVITED!

It doesn't make any difference what anyone here says, you are bound and determined that you are going to that party.

Are they friendly though or just not rude as they are decent people? I’m friendly to lots of people but would not want to socialise with them op eg postman , plumber, dpd driver. OpYou may want to google emotional incest / parentification /enmeshment.

Maybe you could offer to organize some Halloween themed games?