Would you find this rude/be hurt by this? (Halloween party)

[itsahalloweenone]

A halloween party with over 20 people invited.

Couple are hosting it but they didn't invite the man's parents who live less than an hour drive away but invited his brothers and cousins as well as friends.

The reason given is that the couple want to be with people their own age (between 25 and 28 years old). Their parents are relatively young (both just turned 50 years old) and tend to mingle with their son's friends fine.

Would you find this rude? Why or why not? How would you address it on both sides?

Thank you

Why on earth would you want to go to your adult child's party? You need to let your children have their own socialisation time and not take it personally.

I'm 44 and I can't think of anything worse than a Halloween party.

I'm actually the only one who smokes
they tell me off for it

It's exceptionally rude to turn up to a party you haven't been invited to.

Why are you so desperate to go, why don't you host your own party with your friends instead of trying to pretend you're 20 years younger and living through your kids.

I am cringeing. CRINGEING!

For the love of god do NOT crash the halloween-party-for-young-people.

Just turned 50 might feel like relatively young (I am 50 tomorrow so I know all about that 😂) but to someone in their 20s - believe me, it isn't.

JUST DON'T!

Why are you basically yeah but yeah but yeah but...

You're still thinking that you should just go and they are being somehow mean to not want to party with their parents, aren't you?

My dad was always trying to involve himself with my friends. Being all matey and it was embarrassing, frankly. They used to take the piss out of him behind his back for trying to be friends with people half his age.

That was cruel of them I know but at least they had youth as an excuse for their foolishness.

OP, are you from a culture where it is usual to invite your parents to events? You say none of your children or any of their friends drink, you're expecting the wife to do all the cooking/food prep and you're worried about spending an evening in your house alone.

I'm in my 50s and have sons in their 20s. There is no way I would expect to be invited to any party they were throwing. Similarly, I've had parties for all of my milestone birthdays and didn't even consider inviting my parents.

Please don't go to a party you've not been invited to.

But why would you come with DS2 at all?? I am failing to see why:

• they dont need party help. The wife can ask any number of people including her husband and her husband's brother to help.
• they haven't invited you
• it doesn't matter what kind of party and whether it was fun last year, and how much your son's friends like you. Those are all irrelevant for THIS party. This is a bunch of people having a gathering. The only way this concerns you is that one of those people happens to live with you. That's it. If I had a roommate and she was invited to a birthday party, I couldn't just 'jump in the car' with her because I felt that the host of the birthday party might need help.

I can't find a single reason why you should go to this party other than the fact that you feel like you've been left out and you want to go. There is no actual logical reason!

No not with their bloody mother cramping their style. Seriously OP, no. I love and get on really well with my own DM and FIL, but I didn’t invite either to my 50th. I didn’t want my friends having to make polite conversation.

Get over yourself, not every occasion involves the olds.

no still not rude.

It is a young person's party. No need for parents to muscle in.

You're coming across terribly naive here.

But either way - don't do that to your kids, it will be absolutely cringe for them! If it was a family party of all ages that would be different but this is clearly a mates gathering together and you are not welcome! Don't take it personally, this is a completely normal scenario.

You do need to back off though and maintain an independent social life from your children.

YOU. ARE. NOT. INVITED.

What part of this are you failing to grasp. These aren't your friends, they are your son's friends who are friendly towards you. That's a world of difference.

You are not just not invited, you are not wanted. At All. Not on that particular night for that particular occasion.

Now back off, and keep backing off, and give your poor son and DIL the social space they so richly deserve.

Behave.

It would be rude if the older generation turned up uninvited to the party, no matter how well they believe they get on with their children ( actually adults ) their children's friends and / or their children's other relatives whom are also young adults.

Halloween is still 2 months away, or has the party already happened i.e. 10 months ago and someone is still dwelling on it.

"I'm actually the only one who smokes
they tell me off for it"

Not that kind of smoking 😂

And according to you the wife will be busy in the kitchen making ham sandwiches and washing up - WTAF????
Christ on a bike 🫣 Do not, I repeat DO NOT, turn up to help "the wife make sandwiches and clean up" Fuck me!!

This can't be real?

As the parent of a 26 & 28 year old - with whom I have a brilliant relationship - I'm dying from second hand mortification!

Presumably they're on their own normally anyway? Or could they go and help with the elderly mother?

Have your kids pissed you off lately?

In which case, go right ahead!

You cannot be serious! I am suffering from second hand embarrassment just reading this thread @itsahalloweenone

And they want you to keep thinking that which is why you aren’t invited.

Not the point of the thread but who’s planning Hallowe’en parties in August?

But they don’t want or need your help, just accept it.
It may well be a lot of organising but the wife knows what she’s letting herself in for and is happy to do it. I host a “Christmas With Friends” party the first weekend of every December (an civilised affair with 15-20 people) and I am more than capable without my mothers help.

Let it go, and let your adult children have fun with their friends.

I had some parties with my parents, some without. I didn't want to pay with them all the time.

I genuinely can't get enough of this thread 🤣🤣🤣 your poor DIL....