Would you find this rude/be hurt by this? (Halloween party)

[itsahalloweenone]

A halloween party with over 20 people invited.

Couple are hosting it but they didn't invite the man's parents who live less than an hour drive away but invited his brothers and cousins as well as friends.

The reason given is that the couple want to be with people their own age (between 25 and 28 years old). Their parents are relatively young (both just turned 50 years old) and tend to mingle with their son's friends fine.

Would you find this rude? Why or why not? How would you address it on both sides?

Thank you

I never said that!

Does anyone want to bet that OP actually does just pop round on the night of this party?!

Are you even serious, don’t do that!

OP this post (as well as the thread in general) strongly imply that you don't realise that it's healthy for your DCs to be building a life entirely independent of you.

As clearly everyone recognised in the post about not liking your MIL, you don't seem to have realised your position in relation to your married son and his wife.

You need to adjust your perspective or your DIL will feel the same way about you as you do about your DIL.

I will not be going to the party and will try to occupy myself as best as I can

OMG you're only 50, not 150!

Binge watch something on Netflix. Start making a Christmas cake. Knit socks. Read a book.

My tiny 🎻 is barely coping with this tragedy.

You strongly implied it though, didn’t you? With your “it’s not my son who doesn’t welcome me, if you know what I mean…”

Let’s not pretend that wasn’t a dig at her. And no, your son doesn’t want you there either.

Having read aloud your desperate attempts to justify gatecrashing your son and DIL’s party to my adult kids, they were “dying of cringe” and in whoops of laughter at the blatant justifications why you think it would be fine.

You and I are of an age, and believe me, we are NOT welcome when the kids and their mates (and cousins) are having a party.

Your sons love you, they just need you to understand they have lives without you.

I am sorry you’re lonely. Loneliness is horrible. The answer is to enrich your own life, not piggy back that of the next generation.

This is absolutely bonkers. Leave the young people to have some young people fun. They want to get wasted and ride each other. Let them at it.

Let your kids have their own lives or you won't be part of theirs in the future. You sound overly needy and enmeshed one way. Your poor kids will never tell you their plans again. As said earlier, what's wrong with spending an evening by yourself in your house? I love those on the rare occasions they happen!

This is my partner's parents. Friends like them but no one really wants to chill with them. At the same time no one wants to hurt their feelings. The parents are oblivious

And there lies the truth of the whole post. You blame your daughter in law. Even though u said yourself it was all your sons friends going and pretended u wanted to go and "help" her with hosting.

I never pretended and I never said that either

Why do you want to go to the party?

You seem to think you can host better than your daughter in law at HER party, with your naff sandwich tray. Let them get on with it.

Yes you did

You did say that.
You said that you wanted to help your DIL make sandwiches, and you also said that it wasn't your son who didn't make you welcome - so clearly you meant your DIL.

Don't try to pretend, OP. Your posts are all here.

Also, I've not been to a fun party that also involved sandwiches since i was 11.

I think you might need to try to fix your marriage issues - if you want to or can.

Your DH spends Saturday to Monday with his mother and the rest of the time is working or asleep. That doesn't sound like much fun OP or like much of a companionship. It's probably why you crave being with your children.

...that you don't like your daughter in law? And the whole wanting to go just to give her a helping hand was bullshit?

Oi!
I make mean sandwich platters currated to theme and drink involved.
And no parents.

You sound incredibly overbearing and lacking boundaries. The fact that you keep insisting you would “help them host” who wants their MIL hanging about when they want to let loose with their friends? Heck I don’t even invite my own mother when hosting my friends. I’ve read your responses and you really really need to develop a sense of respecting your sons as individuals and also develop a sense of self and social life that doesn’t revolve around them. I urge you to really reevaluate your current attitude as you will push your sons and their partners away completely if you continue like this.

This

OK, I'd be prepared to give it another go under those conditions. As long as there was a cheese and pineapple hedgehog 😄

Please think about how ironic this statement is based on what you are asking in this thread.

i am sure your son and his wife love you, but please OP , don’t just show up to this party with your other son. It isn’t a party for you. Imagine if your MIL showed up at a party you were throwing with your friends?!

I like my MIL quite a lot and I still wouldn’t want her showing up to a party I was hosting for our friends.

Ignoring the misogyny of “helping” the sons partner putting out the nibbles (it being the son’s friends doesn’t get him out of hosting duties by the way), just as you say you don’t want to spend time with your in laws, the younger generation may be thinking the same about you regardless if you think you are one of the gang

This is a very good point. But not your kids' job to fix your wider issues. Let them live their own lives.