Would you find this rude/be hurt by this? (Halloween party)

[itsahalloweenone]

A halloween party with over 20 people invited.

Couple are hosting it but they didn't invite the man's parents who live less than an hour drive away but invited his brothers and cousins as well as friends.

The reason given is that the couple want to be with people their own age (between 25 and 28 years old). Their parents are relatively young (both just turned 50 years old) and tend to mingle with their son's friends fine.

Would you find this rude? Why or why not? How would you address it on both sides?

Thank you

And yet you will end up with your dil thinking the same if you insist on going when you are not wanted or even invited.

Please respect their boundaries or the invites wil get less and less and be more dutiful rather than genuine.

There’s nothing to “try not to take personally”. It’s not personal. It’s you that’s making it personal.

You are NOT your child’s peer.

You are their parent. Not their friend.

They are well within their rights to assert boundaries and not have their Mum at a party for young people of their own generation. You need to make your own plans. It’s Halloween, not Christmas.

That’s good news. I’ve read your updates and sorry to hear you’re feeling a little isolated.

As PP’s have said, why don’t you arrange to do something with friends? I’m sure your children would love to see you building a social life outside of them… I know I’d worry if my parents seemingly had nothing going on outside of time with me, as much as I love them and enjoy their company.

👀👀👀👀

You mean a bit like how you don’t fancy spending the weekend with your MIL?!

If you're implying that it's your DIL then I think that is being very mean-spirited of you.

As has been pointed out so many times on the thread, it doesn't sound like there was any malice intended and it's obviously a party for 20something's friends and cousins to get together and have a great time. You have absolutely no basis for being hurt as it's obviously not that kind of party.

Meet some friends so you'll be occupied on the evening in question.

No no no!

OMG thinking back to the parties I had in my 20s, it would have absolutely killed the vibe to have parents there.

You need to let go a bit. It's not about you. Let your children have their own lives.

Guessing you’re alluding to your DIL not wanting you around.
After reading these posts, I’m not bloody surprised.
The fact that you couldn’t seem to accept not being invited to their party, talked about jumping in your sons car and going anyway, and asking us if we think it would be “so bad” if you went anyway… I don’t blame her for not wanting you around, you sound unbearable.

Of course he wouldn't invite his parents. It's a party for young people.

Oh the irony 🙄...

Yep! Family invited so not just friends

Yes, but they’re all family who are the same generation as your ds. If your dil’s parents were invited and you were not, that would be a completely different kettle of fish!

Are you suggesting that it's his wife who would rather you didn't come? Because if that's the case then turning up unannounced to 'help her with the sandwiches' would really not have been the solution 🤣

...or use foul language... as far as you are aware.

Maybe that’s how your DIL feels about you, and that’s why you’re not invited to her party.

I'm your son's age and you're my parents' age. They would think I was strange if I invited them to a party full of 20 somethings. It would be different if I invited them to a party for my daughter and her little friends because that's a family party.

I hope I'm not going to be like you OP when my only son is married!

Yes! Get some boundaries and don’t wreck the party! Make plans with your own social group and stop dragging in the coat tails of your kid!
i throw parties regularly and have never invited my parents and never will. Totally different vibe and dynamic.

Cheap train tickets are released 12 weeks in advance so why not have a look to see if there’s anything that would work for you to go and see the people in your old area?

Yet you'd foist yourself on your daughter-in-law to help her make food she probably didn't want so you can go to her party you're not invited to. A little self-awareness wouldn't go amiss here.

So your DIL?

You don’t want to spend time with your MIL, and that’s perfectly fine. So why take offence that your daughter in law doesn’t want spend time with you?

Think this is deeper rooted than just not being invited to a Halloween party tbh.

Wow you really want to go to the party don't you?

There is no amount of help parents can offer that can replace freedom to be without them on certain ocasions.
It's a Halloween party, not a wedding.

"... My husband spends 3 days a week with his mum and when he is not, he is either working or sleeping"

Speaking as a husband myself, sounds like you and your husband have a bit of a dysfunctional relationship?

You said in the OP that you and your DH mingle fine with your son's friends. But how if he's always at his mum's, working or sleeping?

You need to find a hobby or something to pass the time and meet like minded people.

Crashing your son's and DIL's party won't solve any difficulties you are having

Have you thought that is also maybe what your DIL says about you?

You dont want to spend time with your MIL so why assume your sons partner is at fault for not wanting to invite you!

Surely you can see the irony in this?!