Would you find this rude/be hurt by this? (Halloween party)

[itsahalloweenone]

A halloween party with over 20 people invited.

Couple are hosting it but they didn't invite the man's parents who live less than an hour drive away but invited his brothers and cousins as well as friends.

The reason given is that the couple want to be with people their own age (between 25 and 28 years old). Their parents are relatively young (both just turned 50 years old) and tend to mingle with their son's friends fine.

Would you find this rude? Why or why not? How would you address it on both sides?

Thank you

listen just stop. I get you’re going to be lonely, that you feel slighted but honestly you just come across as desperate and, at this rate, will stop getting any invites at all. I am nearer your age than your sons and I cringe at you wanting so badly to be there.

don’t cling on to the few posters who are somewhat siding with you. Accept that you’re not invited, shouldn’t go under any circumstances and don’t needle your son for an invite.

Why as a grown ass woman are you so deathly scared of spending an evening alone?? Why do you constantly need other people to entertain and occupy you:

you reply to the rare comme that agrees with you ? but not to the rest on 26 pages ???
you sound a bit like my parents. insured ti my big birthday bash ( yes as yoi do invite your parents to that not a Halloween party ) minglesd etc but as the night went on and it got rowdier didn't treatise time to go home ? in end they fell asleep in corner even my sis was like did they not go home yet ? only going next door. in laws left a good bit earlier

I feel for you now OP. Try not to take it personally. Yes they’ve invited family but of their age. They’re not trying to exclude you they just want it people their age.

Dont you think you’d feel awkward going?

Apologies just seen your latest posts where you have said you won’t be going. I hope you find something fun to do on your own (or with your own friends).

Oh dear. You are going to turn up to the party regardless aren’t you.

And then wonder why they stop having them - or telling you at least.

They have a right to a life that doesn’t involve you.

This bodes very badly for you respecting boundaries when they start having kids or making other plans for their own lives that don’t include you.

Sit this one out and use it as a spur to build relationships with people outside your family to socialise with.

can't you go with him? is it every weekend ?
If not every weekend I would love a weekend of peace to myself and my husband away. it would be a wonderful weekend all to myself

I reluctantly moved to this part of the UK after marrying my husband and never got along with my in-laws. My own family lives in a completely different part of the UK. The only family I have got here is the one I have built (my sons), and now that they are grown, I finally get to spend more adult quality time with them. My husband spends 3 days a week with his mum and when he is not, he is either working or sleeping.

Because they're the same age!

It's crazy that you are only picking out the few posts that you think agree with you, and not even acknowledging the hundreds of other posts telling you that is NOT OK to gatecrash!

a full weekend with my MIL would, frankly, drive me crazy

I can see you've said you're not going to this party, which is good - but for future reference, don't spend time thinking what the hosts of a party you're not invited to "should" do (i.e. mingle with adult relatives, invite parents to help host, etc.), and simply let it go. You're not invited. That really is the entire be all and end all.

I will try not to take things personally going forward. I do have lovely friends, I will see if I can spend some time with some of them.

So what?? It’s one night? Get a takeaway and watch Real Housewives like the rest of us do when our husbands are away. Or better yet get yourself a hobby and some mates, don’t go gatecrashing your kids parties because you’re lonely.

Can you go spend the odd weekend with your family?

They live too far and I'd either have to take the train or have someone drop me off. I do go down to see them every few months.

This is it - don't take it personally at all. They will enjoy spending time with you at the right times - other events, or just whenever you casually share time together. Them enjoying a party with their friends/peers is no reflection of their feelings on you!

Well book yourself to a spa. do a days decorating or something in the house binge watch netflix. go out with friends read a book go hill walking or cycling what ever just not to the party
if your husband is spending all his time working sleeping or with his mother that is a while other issue. if he doesn't want to spend time with you why are you still with him?

a full weekend with my MIL would, frankly, drive me crazy

Oh gosh was she a party crasher too 🤔

We have parties that are just for the young uns. We are all in our fifties and they include cousins and siblings but exclude our parents. Our parents are included in some family parties but not in same generation parties - even at our ages the dynamics are changed with generational differences 😀

Yes but you're trying to do similar to your son and dil by gate crashing their party.

Your dh spends extended time socialising with his mum and you're attempting to do the same with your sons.

Both of you have a dysfunctional approach to your marriage & trying to live life through others. Why don't you like spending time with each other? That's the real question.

I really wouldn’t take it personally if all the people invited are a similar age. That particular son isn’t giving you any other reason to feel he doesn’t want to spend time with you, is he? It’s great you have friends to hang out with. But it can be hard if your only nearby family are DCs.

Good god OP!

You’re not invited. Take the hint!

No he doesn't, but I don't think he's the one who doesn't want me around if you know what I mean

I won't be going

So it’s your DIL?

But you’ve just said you don’t like being with your MIL?!