Would you find this rude/be hurt by this? (Halloween party)

[itsahalloweenone]

A halloween party with over 20 people invited.

Couple are hosting it but they didn't invite the man's parents who live less than an hour drive away but invited his brothers and cousins as well as friends.

The reason given is that the couple want to be with people their own age (between 25 and 28 years old). Their parents are relatively young (both just turned 50 years old) and tend to mingle with their son's friends fine.

Would you find this rude? Why or why not? How would you address it on both sides?

Thank you

I am surprised by this post. I get on great with my mum but would not invite her to a party in a million years unless it was a family do. Can’t believe this is an issue. I would also be super put out if they just turned up. Your parents are you parents and your friends are your friends- different relationship I think

It sounds like you have a lovely relationship with your DS and his partner. Well done, it’s not an easy thing to negotiate.

Relationships take work and care - showing up to a party that you are not invited to is not kind or caring.

Your presence will obviously not go unnoticed and you’ll make it clear that you do not respect boundaries. That’s a very silly thing for a parent of grownups to do, especially when the grownups have partners.

To clarify you will jeopardize your future relationship with your son, his partner and any children they (might) have if you gate-crash the party.

For the love of all that is holy, they’ve told you they don’t want you there. They want a party without mum and dad. The fact that you’re making a big deal about this tells me that you’re way over involved in their life.

YES turning up anyway is a bloody big deal. Let your poor children have a life of their own and find some friends your own age!

Cool parents know when to back off.

I wouldn't expect my DC to invite me to a Halloween party they were having with their friends, and wouldn't be hurt or upset in the slightest.

It also wouldn't occur to me to invite them to a Halloween party that we were having with our friends, either.

Birthday or other family related occasions are different.

are you the parents. This is weird, let them live their lives!

They might not do drugs but I highly doubt young lads NEVER drink or do anything standard young people do at a party etc...

How wild they truly are we cannot say but if they are drinking, smoking, doing drugs, swinging, playing penis hoopla or licking whipped cream out of a blow up donkeys ass crack then here is the secret... they'll do it when their mummy is not around and deliberately don't tell her about it.

You’d ’inform them’ ??? Jesus wept. You’re not invited, you don’t get to inform them of anything!

Personally I'd be delighted not to be invited, but I am not the couple's parents. I think they could have been more diplomatic in saying why they had not invited their parents.

Inviting parents bring a different vibe to things. It’s totally understandable not to invite them. Maybe if the other set of parents were invited it would be rude.

@PerkyMintDeer did the potential couple end up getting together?

This.

You get on with them both well, you also mix well with their friends when you are invited.

To keep it that way, you don't turn up to an event they haven't invited you to.

Have you asked why you are not invited?

If the parents do show up, the "good relationship" between them all is likely to be history.

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What is wrong with you that you need to ask this on a forum.

Of course it's not rude to not invite your parents to a party. And yes, it's embarrassing and selfish to consider gate crashing.

Spend a night alone.

No. I don’t think they got much chance to talk to each other. BIL’s Mum tends to dominate situations and she asked them both embarrassing questions.

This. ^ If FAMILY is being invited, (cousins/nephews etc,) it's pretty rude to not invite older family members IMO. YANBU @itsahalloweenone

I'm expecting one from the granny "My child keeps turning up to look after me at Halloween, but I want to be at my grandkids party AIBU"

So weird why on earth would you want parents at a Halloween party with people your own age?!

Seriously, have your own Halloween party. Do not go to a party you e not been invited to. It’s embarrassing. Do not be that parent.

The reason given is that the couple want to be with people their own age (between 25 and 28 years old). Their parents are relatively young (both just turned 50 years old) and tend to mingle with their son's friends fine.

From the OP. She is absolutely BU. It’s as clear as day that it’s not multigenerational.

Partying with other adults who are a generation older, and partying with your parents are two very very different things.

I would neither expect to be invited to my 20 somethings halloween party nor want to be.

It is a halloween party. It is not a birthday party nor xmas so nothing to do with family.

Please don't turn up OP - if I were your child I would be mortified!

What intrigues me is "It would probably only be one parent as the other spends that day with their own elderly mother..."

The OP's husband always spends Halloween with his mother? Why Halloween? And why can't the OP accompany her husband?

Weirder and weirder...

So at the end of the party, when everyone else chucks their car keys into a bowl, you won't be able to participate. Reason enough to give it a miss, I think.