Would you find this rude/be hurt by this? (Halloween party)

[itsahalloweenone]

A halloween party with over 20 people invited.

Couple are hosting it but they didn't invite the man's parents who live less than an hour drive away but invited his brothers and cousins as well as friends.

The reason given is that the couple want to be with people their own age (between 25 and 28 years old). Their parents are relatively young (both just turned 50 years old) and tend to mingle with their son's friends fine.

Would you find this rude? Why or why not? How would you address it on both sides?

Thank you

I understand that a parent may feel a bit put out, especially when they simply want to be part of their kids lives. It can be tough when you want to share these moments with them. However they are adults ow and need to be able to set their own tone to the events they have and be allowed to make their own decisions.

I am older than the uninvited parents and as a parent, there is a definite divide on events I would expect to be invited to, and those I wouldn't.

If this was a family gathering, with Uncles, Aunties or just me and my kids are having a family gathering, I would expect an invitation. But that is not what this is about. This is the kids letting their hair down in their home with mates.

The adult kids, are having a party at home for their generation, I'd glory in the fact that they were inviting their siblings (its shows they are not just siblings but also friends) and I would leave them to it as I would cramp their style. It doesn't matter whose friends they are, its the peer group that counts. Although I maybe free and would like to go, the reality is that if I have to push for an invitation or turn up unannounced, I am changing the dynamics of the event.

Stay home or meet up with a friend and leave them to it.

"... There was a different kind of party the year prior where parents were invited and it was fun"

That's what you think... 😆

(I'm a very boring 66 year old and I can't believe that somebody 10 - 15 years younger than me can't see the problem with turning up uninvited...)

Yes unacceptable

I can't stand Halloween or Christmas. Does this help?

They played Monopoly and then hide and seek until 6pm and then the parents tucked the 28year old kids to bed.

I'm embarrassed for you at the thought of that.

Your son & daughter in law are having a party for their friends. Perfectly normal. Your reaction however is not.

Maybe they're looking forward to arranging the food, decorating their house etc dont interfere.

You're not invited. Wish them a good evening and find something else to do that night

😂😂😂

You sound very needy OP. If you’re not invited then you absolutely shouldn’t go. If they wanted you there they would have invited you.
I would be livid if my uninvited parent turned up to one of my parties, spinning some line about being helpful.
Let them have their own life/party. There’s nothing more repellant than a needy parent.

If you throw a house party for your mates, you don’t usually want your parents there, however we’ll you might get on. If they turned up uninvited, you’d be horrified.

I find it v hard to believe people in their 20s at a house party won’t be drinking, smoking and/or doing other drugs. What people tell their parents and how they actually behave are two separate things.

Book a holiday abroad for the end of October so you're actually out of the country & can't gatecrash your kids Halloween party.

Get a life and stop living it through your children. You are almost 50, not mid 20's anymore so leave the youngsters alone. They'll be cringing inside if you turned up but would be polite to your face. Is this what you want? Have some self respect.

THIS!! I can't believe this thread even exists, please please do not gate crash your son's party

On the off chance that this is actually real - @itsahalloweenone presumably you've got friends your own age? Party with them.

Throw a family party at a different time if you want to party with your children.

It's rude to expect or demand an invite. People are free to invite (or not invite) whomever they choose to their home.

This is crazy. I'm very close to my two late twenties children. We socialise a lot together. I know many of their friends. However there is no way I would expect to be invited to a party where we would be the only ones over 50. And there is no way I would show up uninvited. I'm sure they would be very polite but I would be mortified to gatecrash in that way. Remember - if they wanted you there they would have asked you.

it works both ways. I host a lot of parties, some of them are inter generational and DC, their friends and young cousins might come along. Others of them are just for my age group friends/relations. Just as sometimes youngsters want to do things without oldies, sometimes I like to let my hair down with mates my own age.

if you really want to help, offer to send some food over in the car with your DS. I often do that when DC are entertaining friends as I have more time to cook than they do.

I'm 55 and my adult DC go on nights out, to concerts, on holidays and days out with me. They have friends of various ages, as do I, so theres a lot of generational blurring. However, if they had a party and the other guests were all their age, I'd not want to go if they asked me. Similarly if I was doing something with a bunch of middle aged people they'd not want to come. Sometimes it's just weird and uncomfortable to be the only person of your age group in the room.
So if I wasnt asked I'd assume that was why and be fine with it.

I don't find it rude.
I don't expect to be invited to every party my adults kids throw nor do I want to be.

“Help the wife”!!! Maybe your son should do some of the prep himself…
Also surely no one is serving sandwiches at a Halloween party for under 30s?!

Maybe it wasn’t that fun for them if you haven’t been invited this time around? Honestly this is so weird, your children should be able to socialise without you.

Gosh, well you certainly seem persistent in your answers. The computer says No on this one, I'm afraid! I can't really understand why you feel hurt that you've not been invited to hang out with your sons and their friends. You sound a little desperate OP. Is it just the party that you're upset about or are their other issues here such as low mood, feeling lonely generally, wanting more time as a family etc?

No I wouldn’t expect my sons to invite me if everyone was the same age as them. I wouldn’t want to be there either. Don’t foist yourself on them if you haven’t had a (voluntary) invite.

The threads on here are absolutely bonkers!
imagine being jealous of your kid having a party with their pals, wanting to join in so much that you’d gate crash it.

Am about to attempt to skim/read the entire thread because I cannot possibly fathom what else there is to talk about past pg 1, let alone 22.

I'm assuming that means it going to be both bonkers and good😄

Good grief OP, you’re a bit clueless aren’t you?
It’s a party for similar-age friends/relatives, not for the oldies to gatecrash.

If my mum had turned up at a party I was hosting for mates at that age, I would have died (and I have a great relationship with my parents).

Why are you so desperate to attend your kids Halloween party? To the point of asking if folk would be bothered if parents just showed up anyway, despite not being invited?

Weird as. I ask this genuinely - do you not have your own life? If not, then you need to sort this out, you're only in your 50's.

My 21 year old dd has a friend whose mother carries on like this. She turns up at the restaurant, she comes out and sits with them at the fire pit.