Would you find this rude/be hurt by this? (Halloween party)

[itsahalloweenone]

A halloween party with over 20 people invited.

Couple are hosting it but they didn't invite the man's parents who live less than an hour drive away but invited his brothers and cousins as well as friends.

The reason given is that the couple want to be with people their own age (between 25 and 28 years old). Their parents are relatively young (both just turned 50 years old) and tend to mingle with their son's friends fine.

Would you find this rude? Why or why not? How would you address it on both sides?

Thank you

Ah jeez stop your grasping for reasons to gate crash is getting worse.

You are an embarrassment to the rest of us 50s parent to adult kids. Harsh but true.

This. Bloody hell- people are allowed to throw a party without their parents being present every single time. They're in their 20s not age 12.

Good grief.

I'm sorry you feel hurt that your son and his wife has excluded you from this party however (and it's a big however) your son and his wife are not obligated to invite you to every social activity. Your son and his wife are organising this party - trust in your own parenting that you have raised a man capable of organising this without you. Organise a party that night for your own friends. Don't become the parent that guilt trips their child into including them in every social event and don't be the parent whose social life and very happiness depends on being involved with their child all the time. My mother is like this and it is suffocating because I can't do anything at my house without her "appearing" on a "oh are you busy? When she clearly knows I have something on so she can be nosy

I've just read through all of your replies and it sounds like you are someone that possibly doesn't recognise/listen to the needs and wants of your children. If they wanted you there they would invite you. You can't just invite yourself and think it is ok, it is actually embarrassing behaviour. I suggest you have a good think about how you are with your children and possibly friends too, and consider if you need to start respecting boundaries better.

Don’t be this parent. My DH and I sometimes socialise with my sibling and partner as well as cousins. My Mum used to act all hurt and you know what happened? We stopped telling her. She couldn’t imagine we had a life that didn’t include her sometimes even though we see her regularly separately and together.

They won’t be alone, there will be a stream of little children knocking on the door demanding over refined sugar and food enhancing chemicals . The OP can dress up in their best scarey outfit and scare the shit out of them, it will be lots of fun. If they still feel the need to make sandwiches they can offer them to the little children .

It’s perfectly ok to not want someone’s parents at a party, no matter how fun they are. It changes the dynamic. Surely this is normal? The fact you think you should be invited and don’t get it shows how you probably wouldn’t get it right. Sorry.

For a long time (well over a century anyway) Halloween is for the youth. There are images of older folk celebrating it (image is Blarney, Ireland in 1832 which includes apple bobbing which we did as kids) but today you should only see older people at Halloween when they are stood at their door handing out stuff!

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Snap-Apple_Night_globalphilosophy.PNG

A quote from Ayr, Scotland in 1890

"I had mind it was Halloween . . . the wee callans (boys) were at it already, rinning aboot wi’ their fause-faces (false faces) on and their bits o’ turnip lanthrons (lanterns) in their haun (hand)."

A cool parent is one who doesn’t expect to get invited because they’re much more chilled out about the whole thing!

Op are you very lonely with no friends. I simply cannot imagine the level of selfishness involved in what you’re posting and thinking. To think you can force your way in, just get in the car with your son, or front up to make sandwiches as an excuse so you can go to thr party and hang out with your sons mates and other folks in their 20s., it’s utterly appalling.

andto even think you’re entitled to go. That it could possibly be rude not to invite you.

there has to be some back story here, no one in their right mind would even consider this,

Please just don't. This is not the Netherfield ball and they are not in need of chaperones.

My Mum used to act all hurt and you know what happened? We stopped telling her

Yup- this is what I used to do too- I simply wouldn't tell them anything any more. This is going to backfire spectacularly on you OP. You dont get people to invite you more by being pushy, forceful and barging your way in there. That only makes people hide events from you in the future and they will.

If you really want to be invited you have to back off, be more relaxed and actually allow people to want and desire your company.

It's basic human psychology.

I do hope the op has read all our comments and taken them on board. Poor woman has forgotten what it was like to be young.

Did you really say "help the wife", is this a party in the 1950s 🤣🤣
My sister's mother in law was the parent in this situation, any whiff of a gathering with friends and she was there "being cool". It was excruciatingly embarrassing for everyone.
This is so obviously a reverse. Just be firm with your parents @itsahalloweenone.
I'm probably the age of the parents, and although I get on very well with my dc's friends, I am still their friend's mum. Even if I was invited, I would make a tactical withdrawal after a couple of hours to allow the younger ones to let their hair down. It's important to respect the boundaries and wishes of our children - they-will-be-the-ones-choosing-our-nursing-homes, and all that.

@BiscuityBoyle perhaps! I didn't think it sounded like a possibility but I now realise I have totally assumed that with no evidence 😂

Parents need to find their own Halloween party or host their own friends. This is a very odd request of them. I would only get it if inlaws and couples in 50's, 60's etc would be there.

This would not offend me at all as a parent. Wish them well and make your own social life!

DONT GO!

You say you have a good relationship with them. Keep it that way by not being so needy. I hope to god you’re not pushing for an invitation. It’s beyond rude to think you can just turn up. For heaven’s sake. Leave them to it and find your own entertainment. You’re not a child.

Yes, please jump in the car and turn up un-invited OP. As a lasting reminder of you, the fag smoking, overbearing MIL, PLEASE make this recipe and take it along. It would save your DIL the stress of making sandwiches and being stuck in the kitchen all night! Report back how it goes! 😂

www.notquitenigella.com/2023/10/13/halloween-cigarettes/

I felt like this about my son’s housewarming party that was ‘young people only’ but when I saw the photos and heard my dd talking about it I could see why oldies like me (50s) would completely change the dynamic. They had a boozy time which was quite raucous and fun. (They had hosted a separate evening for us and the in-laws so we weren’t forgotten.)

If you really wanted to turn up though, forget the sandwiches. Paint your face white and wear red contact lenses and keep floating and tapping the windows like those creepy vampires in Salem’s Lot.

The thing is in the opening post you say that the reason given was that they want to be with their peer group. So it sounds like you already questioned the lack of invite and they gave you a reason. It would be very rude for you then to turn up.

There are many reasons that people might not want their parents to come to a party with their friends and you knowing your children's friends is not the same as partying with them. Its not rude for them to do things on their own and with their peers sometimes. However well people get on they might act slightly different when with family or other generations and with friends or those of their own age. You sound pretty close to them and that's a lovely thing. But you should let them have their own parties with friends too and not guilt them over it as that would be very unfair.

I think this is so intruding. Why do you think you have to attend a party for 20 somethings? Why do you think they aren't capable of sorting their own sandwiches?
This isn't about you.
LET THEM BE.

Maybe the hudband and any children over the age of 12 could do that.

🤣🤣🤣

You win the thread 🤣🤣🤣

20-odd year olds having a party want to drink, dance, sometimes take drugs, laugh, have sex, flirt, be silly. It’s a fun stage of life and one most parents realise is ‘not for them’. I often had parties with my cousins of a similar age and friends and my parents would
not have been welcome (they were only in their mid 40s when I was 23-4) and thank god because I needed the freedom to explore the world as a young adult. As a woman now in my 40s I honestly can’t think of much I’d rather do less on a festive occasion than gatecrash a party of a 24 year old relative!