Would you find this rude/be hurt by this? (Halloween party)

[itsahalloweenone]

A halloween party with over 20 people invited.

Couple are hosting it but they didn't invite the man's parents who live less than an hour drive away but invited his brothers and cousins as well as friends.

The reason given is that the couple want to be with people their own age (between 25 and 28 years old). Their parents are relatively young (both just turned 50 years old) and tend to mingle with their son's friends fine.

Would you find this rude? Why or why not? How would you address it on both sides?

Thank you

No, it’s really not a big deal. We have times when we invite parents to parties such as BBQs, birthdays etc but also have times when we just want to socialise with our friends/cousins etc separately. It’s a different dynamic.
Please don’t just turn up, let them have their party and enjoy themselves.

You sound like my parent, this is why we siblings do things in secret

@itsahalloweenone "Would you find it a big deal if the parents still showed up?"

Yes.

you clearly are hurt by it- because YOU are turning it into a you thing.It really isnt. They havent broke any social unwrit rules.
they dont nedd "help" serving food. you will cause a scene or ill feeling if you persist on pushing them.
thats maybe feeling quite harsh.
tough.your not going the end.find something else to do that evening.

That you know of....DEAR GOD DO NOT SHOW UP TO THIS PARTY UNINVITED!
Hope @itsahalloweenone comes back to confirm the message has been received loud and clear.

I’m torn. The sane, rational part of me screams that of course it’s not rude. Please don’t turn up to a party your adult kids have organised and not invited you to. Beyond cringeworthy.

The evil part of me wants you to go just so I can enjoy the inevitable thread from your poor DILs point of view on Halloween night 🤣

Young people do not want their parents at their parties, unless they are having a party that deliberately includes parents and people of their age.

Op, you should know that. I wouldn't have invited mine and they would not have expected me to. Likewise with my husband's parents.

I don't expect an invitation to my son's parties though have had one sometimes.

I don't know why you are so invested in this, just accept that is how it is. There's a time and place for everything and everyone, including parents. It's nothing about which to be upset, it isn't rude, it's normal.

Halloween is more than two months away, I'm surprised people are thinking of parties for that already.

Because none of the young people can let their hair down and get messy if parents are there. It totallly changes the vibe, however lovely and well liked the parents are. Wait till they are older and the grandchildren come along, you will get invited then so you can help out!

Hope @itsahalloweenone comes back to confirm the message has been received loud and clear

No, she'll be busy making cheese straws and vol-au-vents.

You haven't been invited. Irrespective of how useful you can be.

Stop thinking about it, wish them a lovely night [though who is organising halloween parties in August... ] and Let It Go.

I think it’s probably obvious why you weren’t invited

As a parent, I would not expect to be invited to all my DC's social events even if they've invited their siblings.

A Christmas Do maybe, but not anything else

And stop trying to insert yourself/take over

YES!!!

OP, I know your kids and their mates definitely don’t drink. But do they ever go to all night discos?

Can't the parents go and play with their own friends?

Why are you so worried about spending an evening by yourself in your own house?

Don't go, it's a crazy move.

OMG yes, massively overstepping!

Some people need to learn that to the under 30s, 50 year olds aren't as young as they'd like to believe the younger ones think.

And I say that as a 55 year old!

The "children" are adults. They don’t want their parents helping to host their party! The current good relationship won’t stay good if the parents don’t back off and accept that their sons are adults who have their own lives.

Just awful. Are they so desperate to be there???

To think this is rude part 2....

To think security strong-arming me away from the delivery suite door that i was simply trying to break into whilst my dil was giving birth was very rude?

If the wife wanted help she would have asked for it. She didn’t, so she doesn't. This all reminds me uncomfortably of my interfering mother-in-law who always claimed she just wanted to help. She drove me mad with her "help" and interference. Honestly, you need to be very careful or you will spoil your good relationships with your sons and their wives.

No. They want to have a party with their friends. Not their parents. Nothing wrong with that. A bit weird that you the parents can't see why they don't want to hang around with them to be honest. No body wants their parents to serve at a party. It was crying when you're a teenager let alone mid-late 20's!

OMG OP do not turn up!!! What is wrong with you! People are allowed to have parties with just people their own age! I’d be beyond livid with my in-laws if they just showed up uninvited to a party we were throwing for friends (and I get on really well with my in-laws, so no beef there!).

parents of adults really don’t need to be invited to everything their adult kids do! Sounds like you are lonely - time to widen your social sphere with people your own age/ same stage of life as you.

Why don't you have your own party and invite your own friends and brothers?

There is no nice way to say this but if you are the mother in this scenario you are a nightmare of a mother in law.