Friend doesn’t want me joining her friend group

[DarkBeforeDawnnn]

I know this is a really minor issue in the grand scheme of things but I’m looking for some advice please.

I don’t have a huge amount of friends and have always struggled a little bit socially. A couple of months ago one of my friends invited me to her hen do and I was added to a WhatsApp group with all of her other friends.

I got along well with everyone on the hen do and since then I’ve been welcomed into the group and invited to other nights out, which are usually arranged on the WhatsApp group.

Yesterday, my friend said she doesn’t want me to feel like she’s leaving me out but she doesn’t want me to get involved with her group of friends. She said she’d prefer to keep that particular friend group separate from our friendship, as there’s a lot of drama within the group and she doesn’t want me involved. She then said she doesn’t know any of my other friends (which is true but I hardly have any others, which is embarrassing) and because of that she doesn’t see why I should join her group.

As I said, I know this is a bit pathetic but I do feel a little upset. One of the women in the group has invited me to her birthday meal but my friend said “well you’re not really a part of the group anyway so she won’t mind if you don’t go.” Am I wrong to feel a bit hurt by all of this?

Right so I hate having friendship groups mix and I have been in similar situations and it made me wildly uncomfortable and I hated every second of the transition. Pretty sure I’m autistic af, change is my worse enemy.
BUT.
At no point would I have dreamed of sharing this information, let alone act on it in such a way that it would have changed the outcome for anyone involved and I made sure to remind myself that at the forefront of my mind should be how pleased I was that my friends like each other - of course they do I have excellent taste in friends. I got over the change and now it’s like there was never any other set up.
These are her issues and it is her job to get over them and not bring it to your door. She has absolutely no right to dictate like that. I understand you can’t change your feelings but you can recognise the crazy feelings and prevent yourself acting on them. As if she’s a grown ass adult gatekeeping friends little kids learn to share better than that.
You’re not overdramatising, she doesn’t deserve you.

Sounds like she wants you separate to them so she has someone to fall back on when they all fall out etc or she wants to be able to vent to you when they have any drama within that group. She can't do that if your part of that group...Still a shitty thing to do though, I'm in no way agreeing with her, that's just my thoughts

Obviously jealous of your popularity. Sees it as a personal threat. Ignore her do and go as you please Friend??

She's jealous of you making friends with 'her' friends

What the heck? None of you is 8yo I assume. She doesn't own that group, or the people. You have every right to make friends with whoever you please. It sounds she's jealous of you and doesn't want to share the spotlight with you, or split the group's attention. Is she a bridezilla as well?

I'd just say that I've already befriended some of the people and will continue to participate when invited. Keep communicating with the friendly ones separately from that WhatsApp group too. If you let one person dictate your friendships you might become an outcast. Hang in there, and also try to find/make friends elsewhere!

How does she think people make new friends?

Just keep on meeting them - they like you, you like them.

The original friend cannot dictate to people who others can or cannot be friends with.

I had something similar a little while back - I started getting friendly with a woman from work and a close friend got really funny about it. It turns out that this new friend’s husband was really good friends with my “old” friend’s ex boyfriend and was privy to some fairly embarrassing information about her, mainly that she cheated on the ex boyfriend with her current partner and also that she had a habit of slagging me off to him behind my back. She was clearly worried that the new friend would pass this info onto me, which she did!

Could there be anything like this going on in your scenario? Maybe she doesn’t want different friend groups mixing because she portrays herself differently to different people?

A few years later, I’m now extremely good friends with the new friend and not so much with the old one.

I really feel for you and encourage you to fight for this if you can. It might not be an opportunity that comes up again, and it could be life changing for you.

You have been invited and welcomed. I do get that it can be uncomfortable when worlds collide and different factions of your life get to know one another. This happened at our wedding. I now have friends & family members who’d never previously met that now have close bonds with one another independent of me. It was a bit weird at first, but I decided it’s actually a lovely thing that our wedding brought people together. Even if I didn’t feel that way, I wouldn’t dream of trying to gatekeep the actions and relationships of other grown adults. I hope your friend can reach that place with you.

Possibly she doesn’t realise about your social situation, and if you told her frankly that you are feeling quite socially isolated and don’t have many people in your life, she might rethink her attitude?