How am I supposed to stay in the same room as the baby for all naps?!

[Luertiak]

Just that really. I understand I am meant to be in the same room as my newborn for all daytime sleeps (obviously they are in the same room as us at night). But if he falls asleep in his moses in the living room am I then seriously not allowed to go for a wee or get a cup of tea or answer the front door to the postman? He sleeps for 2-3 hours solid sometimes. If you have a second DC then how do people work it then - surely you need to move around the house during the day?

I know people will say "the sling" but I can't believe that absolutely everyone with a newborn has them nap in a sling.

Scandinavians leave their babies outside in prams in winter while they go for coffee 😮

www.bbc.co.uk/news/magazine-21537988

Never heard such rubbish. Are people actually sitting for hours at a time watching a baby sleep?

Written advice always trumps verbal advice.

If it's written and appears on official websites, it's been checked multiple times to make sure it says what they want it to say and you can check back/read at your own pace to make sure you understand.

Verbal advice can be misheard, misunderstood or people mis-speak or go off message so it's not guaranteed to be accurate, even when heavily scripted, which won't have been the case when chatting to the HV or MW but was very clear when Boris Johnson told us all about lockdown.

He was reading from an autocue and the script would have been written and checked by senior civil servants and ministers but he still fucked up the part about who was and wasn't allowed to go to work. He gave the impression that only people who's work was essential were allowed to go out to work but what he should have said was people could go to work if it was essential it was done in person, rather than from home, so not the same thing at all.

Wow. I think suggesting a mother of a brand new baby is ‘doing something wrong’ is a really bad move (I know you mean wrt slings specifically, but it’s just really unhelpful language at a time of life when many women are feeling anxious, exhausted and experiencing a fair bit of self-doubt). OP has said that slings aren’t working for her and her baby. Perhaps the hot weather hasn’t helped. Maybe just believe her and stop trying to insist she use a sling. 🤷🏼‍♀️

OP, the advice to never leave their side is unrealistic. Just follow the LT advice that I posted and ignore the over zealous MW and HV.

Regarding not carrying the moses basket, I think that is in case the straps break and the basket/baby could fall to the floor. I used to have the basket on a stand and would just push it from room to room as necessary. I do live in a bunglow though which made it easier to push her from room to room

In the mornings, I would feed DD then shower while she slept, with the moses basket outside the bathroom door.

OP my baby hated the sling as well. She loved a contact nap snuggled up to me but hated being wrapped in the sling.

You can absolutely leave the room to make a cup of tea or go to the toilet! I personally stayed close most of the time and only nipped out but, as you can see from previous replies, interpretations vary widely. Guidelines are advice, they are not law and you have to make your own risk assessment. I mostly erred on the side of caution but was happy to leave for her a few mins to make a quick snack/have a wee.

I will follow the LT advice, that's much more doable than what I was told by the MW and HV!

OP that advice is completely ridiculous - have a wee when you need it, make a cup of tea when you want one. As a first time Mum there will come a point where you trust your own instincts and feel you know your own child well enough to make decisions that fit with you and your family that are different too the official guidance. If you are concerned get a baby monitor but the reality is that when you go to sleep tonight you won't be standing over your child watching it while it sleeps and anything that can happen in the middle of the night can happen when your child naps in the middle of the day. The advice you have been given is exactly that - advice. It is not a law that should never be broken.

I used the pram downstairs when my DC were babies, and if I needed the loo then I wheeled the pram to the downstairs loo and peed with the door open.

@Luertiak

there was either some misunderstanding with your midwife & HV OR they're as much use as a chocolate tea pot.

yes it's important to be in the room while your baby naps (ignore the people who 'have never heard of it' it's been the advice for years, you'd have to be living under a rock to not know this is the guidance and ignorance of it doesn't make it any safer.

BUT it does not mean you can't go for a wee, make a drink, answer the front door (just don't stand there for an hour chatting)

I think the reason outdoor napping works, is because they still get disturbed by people & animals etc

Go for a wee when you need to, it's NOT a problem & very bad for you to hold it in.

Enjoy your baby ❤️

I’m a HV. You can’t do everything precisely optimally. Technically the guidance does say ‘in the same room at all times’ but realistically that’s mad and not based on actual people. The chances of your baby forgetting to breathe because you’ve popped for a wee or whatever are exceptionally small. Only you know what your tolerance of risk is. There is no law, and you aren’t going to be charged with neglect for making lunch for example.

t’s the same when (some) babies start sleeping longer stretches earlier in the evening and/or overnight before 6 months.

Very easy for the mw and hv to tell you M it to wee or drink for hours on end. It's not them. Ridiculous advice. Popping away for a couple of minutes is fine.

The majority of advice on the thread has been in line with lullaby trust.

That one poster who was critical has been severely taken to task. You can choose to focus on them or on the majority.

I know it's hard, but you've got this. You believe the HV interpretation was too literal, you can read the LT advice for yourself.

this is a hypothesis which has never actually been proven as far as I'm aware. They actually don't know why SIDs rates are lower when parents are present, and the above is something that has been suggested but never evidenced or shown to be fact yet.

Exactly. If people are saying baby needs some noise, surely leaving the radio on would have the same effect?

I really don't believe some posters on this thread. One of my DC when baby needed attention when awake and could not be put down. So when exactly do you do everything else if you just sit watch TV all the time baby sleeps? Like feed your other DC? Baby in question liked the sling, but I really don't think scrubbing a bathroom or cooking with boiling water and spashing fat with baby in sling is safe?

Very glad I didn't encounter people like on this thread, telling me my baby will die if I go for a wee..

Maybe one of these pushable baskets is the answer! Trundle it about with you as they sleep, if you're worried 🤗

@HappySonHappyMum

its NOT about watching over them! It's about them not getting into a super deep sleep, forgetting to breath essentially and when they're disturbed, or hear your breathing, it's SAFER

sure you CAN ignore all the research & make less safe choices...

Mine hated any type of sling - total waste of money and impractical with twins. Never wanted to get tied down to contact naps so DT’s slept wherever we were - in the cot, car, buggy and often the playpen.

There's all sorts of things babies need

But like people they all have different preferences

And you don't know all of them

Pottering around downstairs (or even nipping upstairs briefly) while the baby is asleep in the living room is absolutely fine.

My baby also hated the sling… and I know some will find this shocking… so did I 🙀

This is not realistic.

You are allowed to do all those things just that the nap is generally in the same room so downstairs if you're going to be downstairs. You can be in the kitchen tidying up for example if the baby is in the living room napping.

There is some evidence that babies being in the same room as others can help prevent SIDS, it’s not beacuace you are keeping a vigil, but theories are that the noise of someone else breathing/ moving around and/ or the CO2 they are to the air helps. So does that mean I didn’t answer the door or have a wee, no, but if I wanted lunch I would wait or take the mosss basket with me.

As others have said, it’s about risk assessment.

Putting your baby in a car is likely to be infinitely more dangerous than leaving them to sleep for a few minutes while you nip to the toilet after taking sensible precautions (eg back to sleep). I bet you don’t think twice about driving the baby around once you’ve taken the suitable precautions (eg car seat).

The risk is mitigated a bit more if you never leave the room, and it’s mitigated a bit more if you never put your baby in a car.

The professionals are telling you the typical “best” thing to do. But once you weigh in your own personal circumstances it might not be the “best” for you.

I loved the playpen already with just DS but it’s absolutely essential with twins. That’s where I pop them when I have a wee, need to cook etc and they often fall to sleep there too.

I'd be startled if there's a single case of a full term baby dying of SIDS when left in a Moses basket on their back with no overheating risk factors for literally five minutes. Feel free to contradict me if you find a case on record.

The Lullaby Trust advice specifically says not to worry about very brief absences to go to the loo or make a cup of tea.