How am I supposed to stay in the same room as the baby for all naps?!

[Luertiak]

Just that really. I understand I am meant to be in the same room as my newborn for all daytime sleeps (obviously they are in the same room as us at night). But if he falls asleep in his moses in the living room am I then seriously not allowed to go for a wee or get a cup of tea or answer the front door to the postman? He sleeps for 2-3 hours solid sometimes. If you have a second DC then how do people work it then - surely you need to move around the house during the day?

I know people will say "the sling" but I can't believe that absolutely everyone with a newborn has them nap in a sling.

You have to make risk based judgements from the moment your baby is born (and indeed during TTC and pregnancy). No one will follow every single piece of guidance every single time throughout their DCs childhood. You cannot eliminate all risk of harm and if by trying to do so you harm your own health (mental or physical) thar is not in the best interests of your child either. Read the guidance, use your own judgement. You are clearly a conscientious parent, trust your instincts, make that cuppa, go for a wee. I hated slings BTW.

@Luertiak well I absolutely did crack on with other stuff while peeking in every now and again and mine are now 25 and 14 🤷‍♀️

This NHS advice is hilarious. Farmers here, babies have been outside sleeping in prams as soon as I was up and about a few days after birth in weather and temperature appropriate kit. They had their best naps outside in the pram while I did jobs around them. They were always in ear shot and checked very regularly.

Just use your common sense OP and don’t feel guilty because of this completely mad ‘guidance’

They are talking complete and utter nonsense!

Seriously OP, please take the advice here. It is perfectly fine to wander around while baby is asleep.

At night it's very good practice to have baby in the same room until they are about 4/6 months old because of cot death. I think the idea is that they can forget to breathe, but if you are sleeping next to them, they don't.

But daytime naps are different. In any event it's usually advised that you have a nap while they have a nap. so see if you can get them to nap in the lounge and you can curl up on the sofa for a bit.

Also, how do you think people manage when they have more than one child?

It’s a ridiculous concept. My largest room is larger than most people’s entire downstairs. So what do they mean? Within audible breathing distance? Audible choking distance? Visual distance?

I used to sit outside the back door and enjoy a tea and fresh air. Which before people shout at me is much closer than the interior distance to furthest of the room.

Cue this discussion with the other mums about how far is too far. And one pipes up that they reported one of their clients for child neglect because they stood outside looking through the window when having a cigarette. 😵‍💫 Would she prefer she smoke it in the same room!?

Very strange ideas all round OP. Just do what you feel comfortable with.

Definitely fine to nip for a wee or to boil the kettle/make some food. Don't punish yourself OP, sitting starving and busting for the toilet is absolutely not necessary!

I have no idea how people manage it with more than one tbh!!

Crossing the road on foot is far more dangerous than getting in the car. If you prioritise safety above all else then you'd either stay in the house 24 hours a day and risk serious mental health issues, or get in the car for every single journey however short: priming your child for a life of insufficient exercise and obesity.

I agree that some things are more important than minimising the risk of immediate death.

Completely agree. No wonder there's so much bloody pnd and anxiety.

I think the advice is super cautious like no alchohol in pregnancy or during bf. When I was first pregnant it was 1-2 units 1-2 times a week. The problem is some people have no self control so they advise none at all. It was completely normal to potter around when baby slept when mines were small. It’s when you cooked/ cleaned / showered. In fact it used to be HV advice if you felt overwhelmed with a crying baby put them down somewhere safe like a cot then go off to another room and have a cup of tea and take five.

They're guidelines, not rules. You're supposed to use your common sense. Yes, you can nip to the loo in your house. No, you shouldn't nip down the road to use neighbour's loo. You shouldn't need to be told this.

I have several adult kids who all survived and now many DGC and this is ridiculous. Of course you can leave a sleeping baby to do stuff

I feel a bit like this if I'm honest. I feel I've been hit by so many dire warnings that I'm not doing anything right. Never mind the fact I've barely slept in weeks because my baby will not sleep on his back in his cot and nor will he co sleep - only wants to sleep on me.

Because the baby can hear its mum breathing and being close to by

My God, @SunshineDucks, give it a rest, you're being truly insufferable.

So then I shouldn't use white noise or have the radio or the TV on when baby is napping? That's what I mean, there is no real clear evidence for a lot of this.

Ignore all that crap honestly. Just use common sense and don't fall asleep on the sofa with them. Although tbh I've done that too when feeding them, dozed off of an afternoon.

For those saying I left my baby alone in their room whilst I got on with housework and they survived, well my mum could say she drove me around without seatbelts in the early 70s and I survived, but doesn’t mean I am going to not use seatbelts/car seats with DC now

Absolutely. The degree of self-abnegation that new mothers are expected to subject themselves to is outrageous. It makes my blood boil that posters like SunshineDucks can refer to basic self-care such as drinking when you are thirsty, or going for a wee when you need one, as "taking a risk, don't give a shit".

Mothers - take care of yourselves! You're no good to your baby if you're unhappy and unhealthy due to martyring yourself on the altar of potential risk.

I think perhaps your MW & HV didn’t word correctly what they actually meant.

If you have your baby’s day sleep place in your kitchen, or lounge or wherever, get on with your jobs, go to the loo, answer door, read your book etc, but keep popping back to check on the baby now and again.

Just ensure no pets are left in the same room as the baby and that you’re following good sleep positon practice for the baby.

Bear in mind that mothers in Scandi countries put their babies outside for hours, alone in their prams.

You’re the mumma - use your natural instinct and you’ll be fine 😊

I think with all this "universal" type advice, you also need to apply common sense and practicality. They say "don't ever" do something because some people might live in much more chaotic households than others. They may think they're just popping to make a cup of tea, but then distractions happen and they end up leaving baby unattended for half an hour. If it's just you alone and you have no difficulties, then making a cuppa etc is very very low risk.

Some babies dont like slings, SURPRISE!
Not all babies are the same.

You can leave the baby while you wee etc - how do you think people with an older child cope ?

I don't think I misunderstood - for eg I said to the HV "what if I need to go to the loo?" and she said "you should go before baby naps or you'll need to wait until someone else can be in the same room as them or take them with you".

All babies are different my firstborn loved a sling, second hated it and I tried lots of different ones. Honestly I subscribe to the school of good enough parenting. I am not perfect and neither are the dc but we are all doing well enough.