How am I supposed to stay in the same room as the baby for all naps?!

[Luertiak]

Just that really. I understand I am meant to be in the same room as my newborn for all daytime sleeps (obviously they are in the same room as us at night). But if he falls asleep in his moses in the living room am I then seriously not allowed to go for a wee or get a cup of tea or answer the front door to the postman? He sleeps for 2-3 hours solid sometimes. If you have a second DC then how do people work it then - surely you need to move around the house during the day?

I know people will say "the sling" but I can't believe that absolutely everyone with a newborn has them nap in a sling.

Maybe the birds and passing traffic keep the baby at just the right level of 'safe sleep' when they're outside?

I think sadly that, for a lot of SIDS cases, the reason cannot be identified, so a lot of advice is aimed at reducing already very small risks by excluding any possible cause.

So unfortunately this gets interpreted into advice that can be seen as 'your baby will die if you leave them alone for a second before they are six months old' by anxious new mothers.

@Luertiak don't listen to @SunshineDucks
You will make a rod for your own back- baby will be fine with a close eye.
My son & daughter slept better when I wasn't in the room and also disliked a well fitted sling.

Twenty years ago rates of SIDS were 0.27 per 1000 births. Since they’ve brought in this advice the rates have dropped to 0.26 per 1000 births. It’s negligible. I bet the increase in maternal mental health problems isn’t negligible. How do mothers cope if they can’t crack on with the housework or have a shower while baby is sleeping?

https://www.lullabytrust.org.uk/safer-sleep-advice/safer-sleep-basics/room-sharing/#:~:text=Babies%20should%20always%20be%20in,if%20you%20are%20close%20by

@Mrsttcno1 read the link, you are wrong.

Yeah it's utter nonsense the lullaby trust and the nhs just hate mothers. They don't really want to reduce SIDS by baby regulating their breathing to the adult in the room. It's all a conspiracy to make mothers lives harder.

Look OP, this is one of these things that you have to be able to critically weigh up for yourself and find your own tolerance for risk. Both of mine slept in same room as me for the first six months at least (longer in reality) and I based myself in the room where they were sleeping during the day, but I also didn't have an issue with popping out to make a sandwich, make a cup of tea, have a wee, put a wash on, etc. and felt comfortable doing so. Others choose differently and that's fine, their tolerance for risk is different mine and that's okay.

Remember too that postpartum is a very difficult time for many women and postnatal anxiety is a thing and some people do things that may seem excessive to us because they are suffering from severe anxiety and unable to weigh risk or apply common sense appropriately.

Tbh if your child is half Scandinavian it is perfectly logical for you to follow their baby care advice and traditions. Pram outdoors was fine for mine too.

At the start of the thread the advice from Lullaby Trust was shared. It explains you can go to the loo, to make a cup of tea, to answer the door.

You obviously got a very literal HV interpretation, and you've then also interpreted that very literally!

Follow the Lullaby Trust advice and your problem has disappeared.

Or follow your home country's advice if you prefer.

Ffs this level of scaremongering is what leads to so much anxiety in new mothers.
OP if you don’t want to have to be glued to your baby to the exclusion of even your basic needs then you don’t have to.

Babies die of Sid’s even when the parent is in the room, the whole thing about Sid’s is that nobody knows the cause, so guidelines have been produced which it is thought might reduce the risk, but that doesn’t mean that going for a wee is putting your baby in danger.

It wasn't me making that interpretation, it's literally what I was told by professionals.

Well, they won't be around to police you, will they?

Trust your instincts here OP and ensure they you are looked after as well. Feeling trapped in a room, desperate for a wee and a cuppa is not going to do anyone any good!

My understanding was the reduction in SIDS risk was largely down to the back to sleep advice. The other stuff is not as well backed up by evidence.

This isn’t true. The unexplained infant mortality rate has decreased from 0.50 deaths per 1,000 live births in 2004 when records began, to 0.27 in 2017, the lowest on record.

And that’s not mentioning the huge drop in SIDS following the ‘Back to Sleep’ campaign in the early 90s.

I have 3 under 2. It isn’t a guideline that I follow and I trust my risk assessment that the risk is low.

I’m also certainly not carrying around twins in a sling all day. My sanity matters too thanks.

They nap upstairs in their cots, in their own room which is where they’ve slept at night since 6 weeks old.

OP, my eldest hated the sling too. Ignore pp, babies are different. Of course not all of them are going to like the same things.

Are you feeling ok generally @Luertiak ?

It's just the advice from lullaby trust is very clear - yes you can go to the loo etc. - but you seem unhappy to follow that? I wondered if you are feeling extra worried, for whatever reason.

I'm pretty sure this advice didn't exist when mine were tiny (eldest is 26). We were told about safe sleep being on their back, feet to bottom of the cot so they didn't wriggle under sheets/blankets. It was considered safer to keep them in same room for night sleeps for first few months.

I breast fed so I did a lot of contact naps anyway in the day but would put them down awake in a carrycot in the living room as often as I could so they learned to fall asleep alone too. Generally they were in same room but I never worried about popping out to make lunch, have a wee or make a drink. I only have a tiny house though. I think second/third babies are easier to leave too as there is more general noise and activity around them in the day to stop them sleeping so deeply. I think being unable to leave for a few minutes to take care of your own basic needs is a step too far though. It's hard to do those things when baby wakes up demanding attention.

@SunshineDucks - Jesus! You are insufferable - leave the OP alone

I hadn't seen that to be honest, I was just going off NHS advice!

And no I don't feel OK when certain posters tell me I obviously don't care about my baby if I need to go for a wee once in 3 hours and I'm just not trying hard enough.

I'm not sure what else you want people to say, you've had many responses - including info from The Lullaby Trust - stating that you can sensibly leave the baby.

Do you want someone to say no, absolutely cannot leave the room at all and you MUST struggle through because tough shit?

Seriously, stop acting high and mighty and insinuating that people who don't glue themselves to their baby when they're napping are inferior parents!

To be a good parent you have to treat yourself well too. To panic about answering the door to an Amazon delivery and to silently suffer while your gasping for a cuppa and a wee is extremely bad for your mental health.

Likewise bringing your baby in with you while you're cleaning the loo with bleach or having a number 2 is insane.

No and I don't know where you got that from tbh, I just said I hadn't previously seen the LT advice.

My point was I felt the advice I had been given was unrealistic and I wanted to know what others did.

You are really coming across as very unpleasant.

It's just guidance not rules / the law. You are "allowed" to leave your baby in a room on their own if you want to. PP has posted the lullaby trust advice upthread which is where the guidance to have them in the same room came from but also says you can leave the room if you need to.
Obviously it's not reasonable to say you can't leave the room for the loo so just ignore that! My 2nd did naps upstairs after 3 months as he couldn't nap with his big sister making noise. Just use your common sense.

I've never heard of this rule.