How am I supposed to stay in the same room as the baby for all naps?!

[Luertiak]

Just that really. I understand I am meant to be in the same room as my newborn for all daytime sleeps (obviously they are in the same room as us at night). But if he falls asleep in his moses in the living room am I then seriously not allowed to go for a wee or get a cup of tea or answer the front door to the postman? He sleeps for 2-3 hours solid sometimes. If you have a second DC then how do people work it then - surely you need to move around the house during the day?

I know people will say "the sling" but I can't believe that absolutely everyone with a newborn has them nap in a sling.

@Lovelysummerdays

but this just seems like a recipe for PND. There has to be a bit of a balance between a babies needs and those that care for them.

Yes agreed. So many Mums on here with older babies & toddlers who are made to feel guilty about everything. You're considered a bad Mum if you don't breastfeed, if you put a routine in place so they sleep, have a couple of hours respite while they nap & so it goes on.

It's bonkers that you are asking if you can go to the loo & people are seriously suggesting you cart the mosss basket round the house.

@converseandjeans I never fess up to all my parenting habits on Mumsnet, I know I would be hounded out with pitchforks.

DCs are not dead yet and seem happy enough.

Can you move the Moses basket around with you? I mean, not too heavy or it doesn't wake baby up, when you move it? As I used to move the Moses basket into the bathroom with me, to be able to see baby, when I had a shower, or into the kitchen with me when preparing food, but used baby monitor when doing something quicker, such as toilet or loading washing machine and then going straight back to baby, in the first few months.

xx

It makes you wonder how any of us survived our childhoods. Putting babies outside in their prams has been happening forever in many places, and none of my friends sat glued to their babies' sides for the first six months. What are you supposed to do if you have older children to look after at the same time? The world has gone mad!

Sorry but your HW etc seems to be a nutter. Our children (aged in their 30s now) were certainly not in the same room as one of their parents when asleep - never, I’d guess, except between falling asleep and being moved elsewhere.

it may be difficult, but sometimes one has to ignore so called experts and rely on common sense.

Obviously you use your common sense here, you’re really over thinking. As long as you’re mostly in the room.

Unless you live in a mansion, you will be making much more noise boiling a kettle in the next room, then sitting quietly in the same room. I just left the door open in-between if I needed to pop out, so baby could still hear me moving around.

Why not put the baby in their cot whilst you had a shower? With DT’s I wasn’t moving two Moses baskets around the house all the time. We didn’t use a baby monitor.

They do.

I've just had a look at sids rates online. In UK it's says 0.16 and Sweden 0.14 Denmark is even, lOwer at 0.09 . Now Scandinavian countries are the ones that often put babies outside alone inprams to sleep. Surely in that case their sids rates should be higher than uk

My children are adults - they slept in their own rooms from about 3 months - shock, horror!

I know there has been more research on SIDs now and it makes sense to follow that advice - I have with my GC. But there needs to be some sort of balance. The idea that you cannot pop to the loo, answer the front door, go and empty the washing machine or whatever is truly nonsense. The MW and HV will be covering their backs in this litigious climate.

Please try and relax and enjoy your lovey baby - this phase will fly by.

It isn't me over thinking!

What the NHS website ACTUALLY says is:

For the first 6 months your baby should be in the same room as you when they're asleep, both day and night. This can reduce the risk of SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome)

It does NOT say that you can't go to the loo, pop out to make a cup of tea or go to the door to bring in a parcel!

Do the countries that favour outdoor naps still follow the safe sleep guidelines for nighttime sleeping?

@Sakuem

Can you move the Moses basket around with you? I mean, not too heavy or it doesn't wake baby up, when you move it?

This is madness. I was back at work when DD was 4 months & I doubt my childminder or mother in law would have done this.

I honestly think that these guidelines are making young mothers paranoid & they get literally no break at all.

I used to go out with friends & out shopping & swimming etc when mine were tiny. DH used to be very capable.

How are you supposed to work or have any sort of social life if you're attached to a baby 24/7? To the extent you can't even be in a different room?

@converseandjeans the guidelines don't stipulate that it has to be the mother who is in the room

@Gogogo12345

I just looked into this & Sweden has really low rates & better than UK & this is their advice - safest place for baby to sleep is in their own cot & I don't believe they are advising mothers to sit next to it all day!

	The infant should sleep on its back.
	Smoking and nicotine should be avoided.
	The infant's face should be kept free, overheating should be avoided, and movement should not be restrained.
	The safest place for an infant under three months to sleep is in its own cot.
	Mothers should breastfeed if possible.
	A pacifier (dummy) can be used when the infant is going to sleep.

Mine too, she was outside every single day that wasn’t raining with the dog lying by the pram - she wouldn’t leave DD’s side when she was outdoors!

Of course it’s fine to make a cup of tea or have a wee when the babies asleep. Id imagine the HV’s and midwives are very limited as to what they can say because if they say yes it’s fine to leave the rooms and then god forbid something happened, then it’s on them isn’t it. Some people take a bit of poetic licence with advice and would start taking the piss, so it’s better to just have a blanket ban on leaving the baby and then there is no come back.

I went back to work at 3 months. The baby room has a napping area off of the main room, it has no door but it’s a separate area.

They definitely aren’t staying in the napping room for 2 hours watching them sleep.

@crumblingschools

No I guess someone else can - but is it realistic to expect a childminder, grandparent to carry a Moses basket about the house so they are never left alone?

I get that a Dad could do this too but I don't believe it's realistic if there's maybe a dog to take care of, another toddler in the mix.

I just don't see that the evidence is there to suggest it's necessary. In Scandinavia the babies don't even sleep inside let alone in the same room & they have lower SIDS rates.

i think factors like smoking or alcohol play a bigger part. Biggest risk is falling asleep with a baby on the sofa & so surely a well rested Mum is vital.

It would be interesting to know whether there are any incidences of SIDS with baby sleeping outdoors.

I wonder whether the lower rates in those countries are due to parents not falling asleep with babies in unsafe conditions. Or babies aren't being kept in overheated rooms

@crumblingschools

I do think outdoors is better & the Scandinavian way to bring up children seems to be much better. They don't sit down in classrooms aged 5 like in the UK. They seem to have good happiness scores too.

Having read through a lot of this thread, it's no longer any surprise to me that so many young women are reluctant to have children - everything about having a baby nowadays seems designed to torture mothers, from the welter of unsolicited advice proffered by complete strangers to anyone who is visibly pregnant, to having to work until about two minutes before the baby is born, the absolute shitshow that is today's maternity service, the barbaric discharge from hospital a couple of hours after giving birth, the mammary mafia, the speedy return to work and all of the bonkers stuff about co-sleeping, attachment parenting, baby-led weaning et al and then this nonsense about being perma-glued to your baby for six months! It all sounds horrificly onerous!

And as for OP's healthcare professionals - well, these were the very same people who were earnestly telling us in the 70s that babies had to be tightly swaddled and laid on their fronts with the result that cot deaths really did rise during that period, as some babies ended up lying face down and suffocated. Obviously, there were never any apologies or admissions that this was totally the wrong advice!

Frankly, if I'd been faced with all of this I wouldn't have bothered having children at all, but amazingly my two have both reached their 40s without any problems, even though I did put them both in their cots when they were napping during the day so that I could get on with housework. Don't let all of this derail you OP, you know your baby better than anyone else and I'm sure that you are doing your absolute best for him - try to enjoy every minute of these early days - they slip by so quickly - follow your own instincts and you won't go far wrong!

I do wonder how our babies survived our neglect.