How am I supposed to stay in the same room as the baby for all naps?!

[Luertiak]

Just that really. I understand I am meant to be in the same room as my newborn for all daytime sleeps (obviously they are in the same room as us at night). But if he falls asleep in his moses in the living room am I then seriously not allowed to go for a wee or get a cup of tea or answer the front door to the postman? He sleeps for 2-3 hours solid sometimes. If you have a second DC then how do people work it then - surely you need to move around the house during the day?

I know people will say "the sling" but I can't believe that absolutely everyone with a newborn has them nap in a sling.

In relation to the breathing theory, wouldn't it follow that if you have twins you can leave them alone together more than a single baby?

I am Scandinavian, and it's perfectly true that our children nap in prams outdoors. One of the mothers in my maternity group refused to do this as she was scared somebody would steal her baby. We supported her, of course, but we also did think she was slightly bonkers. My DS took nice long naps in his pram outdoors, both at home and when out. I'd happily leave him to nap outdoors in front of the gym and do my training. As did all the other mums. With a baby monitor, obviously, and we'd drop everything instantly and run out if they cried or something sounded weird. I realise this would be considered neglect in other countries, but it's the norm here. And we have very low SIDS rates, too.

Not being allowed to leave the room even to use the bathroom or make a cup of tea sounds absolutely bonkers to me. I'd happily stick a monitor on my sleeping baby and go about my business in another room of the house. Honestly, I think you should do the same, regardless of what your HV and MW said. Having a baby is hard, no need to make it harder than it needs to be.

This ‘rule’ is so unrealistic.
What the heck are you supposed to do if you have other older chikdren? A toddler running aroubd and needing you.

I have twins and I’d assume so. Especially if they are in the same sleep space which can also be debatable but mine nap together in the playpen all of the time.

They do sleep in separate cots now that they are capable of rolling but share a room.

Did you burst out laughing?

Because I would. This is an utterly stupid comment from the HV.
But then, I heard a LOT od stupid comments from HV when mines were little. I was religiously going to see them with my first. Didn’t do the same mistake with my second!

Absolutely ridiculous

What do you do if you have more than one child to attend to

I have a larger age gap between my two so not such a problem, but I have a friend with 20 months between hers and the older one was a dare devil so she'd constantly be abandoning the baby at parks and playgrounds to chase after the older one when they'd climbed too high or were heading towards the road. Luckily for her, the older one had developed a greater sense of self-preservation by the time the baby was on the move.

This is me at the moment.

DS is 20 months and I also have twin DD’s who are almost 4 months. DS has decided to turn into a daredevil after previously been quite chilled, his favourite phase is now “uh oh, I stuck” because he’s climbed on/up something but can’t get down and I then have to abandon the babies.

Fun times. 😂

No wonder the birth rate is dropping.

I've got four kids.

They've all had a Moses basket downstairs so I'm in the same room as them (although tbf, they contact napped so barely out of my arms!). I would leave them for a few mins to make a brew, pop dinner on, go to the loo etc but they were always generally in the same room as me.

Mine used to go into their room for their nap & I would have monitor on & go try have a quick nap myself or get on with some housework.

I actually think babies who share a bed with a parent are more at risk. I've got no facts to back this up - but I believe the risk of SIDS is lower for babies in their own cot.

Also when a parent is so exhausted due to not having any break whatsoever they are going to struggle with mental health & find parent hood overwhelming.

I think there's so much pressure. Pretty sure in Scandinavia babies still go outdoors in a big pram for their nap. They get fresh air & seem to be doing ok in happiness studies.

I am extremely cynical about giving any advice, however well intentioned, that in reality is going to be impossible for someone looking after a baby alone to follow.

I did as advised here and left DS to make a tea/go for a wee yesterday, while he was asleep in his moses. Was infinitely more manageable than what I'd been told to do.

That is much more realistic. You can't go without a wee or a drink for 3 hours, the baby's nap time is meant to a time for you to rest or catch up with things, not an endurance race. If it's busy the rest of the time, when are you supposed to rest, recover from having a baby? Or do anything else? I think they expect everyone to have an army of helpers, and many of us have no support. If the midwife or HV mentions it again, ask what they'd say if you had a toddler that was potty training and needed the toilet. I bet they'd say you would need to look after the toddler's needs too. The advice they give to new first time mums is crazy, they literally expect you to break yourself. No wonder so many women have PND. This applies to feeding advice - first baby they expect you to pump every 3 hours around the clock if the baby isn't latching well to stimulate milk supply, second baby there is no pressure as you have another one to look after! If you are broken, you can't look after a baby. I think attachment parenting has permeated into many areas of parenting, the standards are unobtainable unless you do literally nothing else, even sleep.

Good job op! Keep going

To be fair, staying in the same room as the baby is completely compatible with sleep/rest. It's logistically tricky for other reasons, especially if you have a toddler, but it doesn't stop you resting.

Good for you.

This idea that you can’t get out of the room just isn’t manageable.

One other thing - you can hear your baby around the house unless you live in a very big house. I didn't even bother with baby monitors in the end as I heard my son moving around and crying before I heard it come up on the baby monitor.

I don't think I misunderstood - for eg I said to the HV "what if I need to go to the loo?" and she said "you should go before baby naps or you'll need to wait until someone else can be in the same room as them or take them with you

I never had a very high opinion of health visitors anyway - but it has dropped significantly. I didn't realise it had that far to fall!

It's more that if you are resting, you can't get a drink or anything to eat, which would then have to wait until the baby wakes up and you are busy with them.

It's really not necessary to be in the same room as your sleeping baby - what good does it do? Speak to your health visitor for advice (and reassurance).

@Judecb OP had spoken to the health visitor. Have you read the guidelines from the Lullaby Trust?

It just means don't leave them in a room upstairs. Nipping to the loo or to answer the door is fine. Moses basket can be moved from room to room if you'll be spending time in one room for a while. (But if moving the moses don't carry with the handles. Support the whole basket.)

OP, not sure if this has been mentioned, but I have an open plan kitchen/living room and kept a small bassinet down there for the baby to nap in when she was tiny. I had a lounger for DS, but by the time I had DD it had been recalled.

That way I was always in the same room as them, but also not trapped away from the kettle, fridge and TV.

Eh....? Where did you learn this nonsense? Only in the night until 6 months old do they need to be in the same room as you.

Napping in a moses basket is a safe place and you can leave the room safely. You could get a video baby monitor if you think it will help with the worry and anxiety, but whomever told you that BS needs a kick in the teeth.

Of course you can get on with your life, you're not honestly going to stay with him for 24 hours a day?!