How am I supposed to stay in the same room as the baby for all naps?!

[Luertiak]

Just that really. I understand I am meant to be in the same room as my newborn for all daytime sleeps (obviously they are in the same room as us at night). But if he falls asleep in his moses in the living room am I then seriously not allowed to go for a wee or get a cup of tea or answer the front door to the postman? He sleeps for 2-3 hours solid sometimes. If you have a second DC then how do people work it then - surely you need to move around the house during the day?

I know people will say "the sling" but I can't believe that absolutely everyone with a newborn has them nap in a sling.

Lol I definitely didn't get the memo on this one!

Would posters who say they left their baby in a separate room LOL, also say and I let them sleep on their front and smoked in the same room ha ha!
Being in the same room, put baby on their back and not smoke in the room are all part of safe sleep guidance

I used to leave my kids asleep (as babies) in the moses basket in living room and clean kitchen, sort laundry, do odd jobs, etc etc. As long as you aren't In a different room for hours and not checking on baby, then this isn't an issue in my opinion!!

Terrible here too.

DS has been in his own room overnight since 12 weeks, for naps since about 6 weeks.

Twin DD's were even earlier. Own room overnight since 6 weeks, for naps since about 4 weeks.

No. Because they have different risk factors.

A baby sleeping in the same room with parents who smoke in there is at more risk than a baby sleeping in a different room with parents who don't smoke.

It wasn’t guidance when my dc were small, there doesn’t seem to be massive evidence to back it up. The back to sleep campaign and no smoking around Dc has made a difference statistically but this just seems like a recipe for PND. There has to be a bit of a balance between a babies needs and those that care for them. Leaving a baby in a safe place to nip to the loo or make a cup of tea was perfectly normal and encouraged when my dc were small. I think if I’d of told my HV I was so worried my dc would stop breathing that I couldn’t leave the room to go to the toilet she’d of referred me for help or suggested s GP appointment for anxiety.

I think your midwife and HV are probably just saying that to cover themselves. No-one really stays in the room the whole time their newborns are snoozing. I mean, yes of course, you keep
an eye on them but I used to potter about tidying up, hoovering (it’s great not to have the house silent while they sleep), and did things like making a quick sandwich / drink or have a shower etc. With my eldest (summer born) I also used to park him in his pram under one of our trees and do some gardening or read a book in the hammock, and if I needed a wee then I would go into the house and leave him in the garden. In fact I also used to bundle up my winter born second child and let him nap outside in the pram
too, but I grew up overseas where that is commonplace. When / if you have your second and subsequent babies they just sleep whenever and wherever they can, as you also usually have a toddler to look after. I would have thought your midwife would have more sensible advice tbh.

Honestly the only reason DS (5m) isn’t in his own room overnight yet is I’m too lazy to get out of bed for night feeds 😬

Mine have all slept through from weeks old so it felt silly to have them in our room when they didn’t even need night feeds.

They probably would’ve stayed in our room for longer if they had fed through the night for longer.

This advice sounds very tough on the mental health of the parents.

That advice is barking mad. Health visitors aren't allowed ommon sense....they have to follow the part line. I know......that is why I quit being one when we were forced to ad is to delay weaning until 6 months.

Sorry. A few auto corrects on previous post but you get the gist

No I don't smoke

Eh? Who told you this?!

My youngest is 42. I had three of them. It’s a miracle they survived. I left the room for various periods whilst they were sleeping, they slept on their tummies (it was the thing then) and we ate soft cheese and changed cat trays whilst pregnant 🤷‍♀️

I would go and put the washing on, make a cuppa etc. Quite often I'd doze off myself!

Oh yes and I smoked! I’m not recommending that, but the level of anxiety heaped on expectant and new mums now is insane!

@AnnieSnap I wasn’t strapped in the car as a child as seat belts weren’t in the back seat of cars and no car seats, I survived, so obviously parents don’t need to use car seats now

If we took all this literally we'd go crazy!

Wow, so rather than update your training and learn why new guidelines were implemented, you quit? Really? Are you unaware that new advice means research has shown the 'old' way wasn't the best way. Know better, do better.

I mean I'm kinda glad you're not practicing anymore as this means less crappy outdated advice being given to mums, but I'm gobsmacked at your wilful ignorance.

Oh because they are all the same risk..ffs some people.

Guidance changes constantly. It isn’t always sensible or for the best. Common sense and listening to your instincts is worth a lot,
rather than slavishly following rules like the HV seems to believe in in this case. It’s utterly ridiculous to tell a new mother she can’t ever leave a baby alone, even to go to the toilet or make a cup of tea.

As I said, I’m not recommending all that, just finding the amount of anxiety heaped on new mums tough. Is it not okay for me to comment as I did then, or do I deserve a lecture? 🙄

Unfortunately it sounds like your HV and MW are just covering their backs, like if they even get a whiff that you’re bed sharing, they’re likely to try and put you off, even though most people do it at some point and there is absolutely nothing wrong with safe bed sharing.

Unfortunately, a lot of ante/postnatal care is about covering their backs, and isn’t truly evidence based.

It depends on your HVs and MWs as idividuals of course, but they’ll be under a lot of pressure to stick to arbitrary guidelines.

Not putting your baby to sleep in a room on their own appears to be evidence-supported good advice. Never leaving that room for a moment is bonkers! I packed an entire house for a move while my baby napped. I was in and out of the room all the time keeping an eye on her and based in the room where she was, but I did move around the house collecting items to box. I was pretty alert to sids risk as my baby was IUGR and prem (two risk factors) but I never thought I couldn't leave her side at all when napped. That's very different to putting her in a separate room and leaving her there for two hours for a nap. OP you have to balance your needs with hers. You need to drink and use the toilet. Your HV sounds absurd.