Found some disturbing news about family.

[familysnob]

Name changed so not to out myself.

My uncle came to visit us from where he lives. (About 4 hr drive)
We don't see his two adult children very often unless we go to visit them.
My parents insisted we all go to Uni and were very strong on right and wrong. We are a fairly close knit group. Mum and Dad have helped all of us get good stable careers and my brother and I have bought a house while my sister is in the Navy and travels.

I took uncle out to dinner with my partner. He was chatting about one of my cousins whose husband has just started his own business. He told us how he is requesting to be paid in cash and fiddling the tax man. He told us how this guy has large sums of cash in his house so as not to arouse suspicion.

I asked how do they pay their mortgage as all they have is cash. He said they have a council house. Which is another reason why he has to keep his earnings low. My cousin has a touch of anxiety but is exaggerating her illness (which got her the house with her two kids in the first place)
Both kids are asthmatic allegedly and she gets DLA for them which pays for her car. They know someone in a local community group who helps them
Complete the assessment forms to get mid to high rate.

I was stunned. He told us all this as if he was proud of it. Like it was an indication of how clever his daughter is. I changed the subject when I could and was quite quiet the rest of the meal. I felt ready disillusioned by him. I've always loved and looked up to this uncle because he moved to the city when I was young. I always thought he was cool and strong.

When we got home my partner said I acted like a snob. That I came from and entitled family background and I showed myself up.

Am I being a snob. My parents were not rich but they would have gone buck mad if I'd done have what this cousin has done. It's just wrong.

Your uncle is a twat. Your partner is excusing a twat.

You are not a snob, you might want to look around for a new partner too

It's the first time he has met this uncle and he said I made it awkward and embarrassing by going quiet and obviously changing the subject.

And how is that disturbing?

@Onehotday I didn't really act up. I just went quiet and changed the subject away from this cousin.

You were not being a snob. I would not be at all happy about being told that family members were committing tax and benefit fraud. I'd be disgusted.

@Onehotday how is it disturbing? It's morally wrong. The NHS is in the shit and there are genuine homeless people who can't afford a roof over their head.
This girl and her husband have plenty of money coming in yet they are not paying their fair share of tax and could potentially rent a house on their own or even buy.

I'm wondering do you really need this pointed out or are you being facetious?

He said they have a council house. Which is another reason why he has to keep his earnings low.

This is bollocks. You do not need to be a low earner to have a council house.

Given that the above is total bollocks, I wouldn't believe much of the other stuff he said. You don't actually know anything concrete about these people at all. All you have is a load of hearsay, assumptions and exaggeration.

You can stop looking up to your uncle, because the fact that he thinks what he told you is impressive says a lot about him. But I wouldn't assume that any of what he said is necessarily true.

@TarantinoIsAMisogynist I don't know what the requirements are for council help. I'm just wondering why he would lie?

So yes, what they are apparently doing is immoral, and your change in feelings towards your uncle is understandable. But, I think it's an over reaction to say that you are 'disturbed' by this news.

If all that you were told is true, they may find themselves unstuck if you're uncle keeps blabbing the news in public spaces. I'd keep well out of it.

I don’t think you were being a snob. By telling you he has almost made you part of their fraud.
I know someone who behaves similarly, I just avoid them. I think some things are about having a moral compass, and if yours don’t align, then you are best off distancing yourself from it.
I think you should be mindful of your partner though, because he obviously has a similar outlook as your uncle/cousin if he sees nothing wrong with it.

Well I can tell you for a fact that it's bollocks. Council housing =/= "council help".

I’d feel disillusioned as well.

(not sure ‘disturb ’ is the right term, maybe disappointed )

You weren’t being a snob. Your inches family are cheating the system, not a commendable quality to have.

It's really hard to get a council house but once you have it, it doesn't matter how much you earn. It's just means you pay the rent instead of relying on housing benefit.
It's so difficult to get a property to buy or rent at the moment ( enormous deposits required for both, and a lack of rentals available even if you can afford it) that it's hardly surprising that people play the system.

Oh dear re your DP. I think he/she showed themselves up, in that they think that situation is fine, dandy and applaudable 🥴
Hopefully you set your DP straight.
Uncle is a twat.

Maybe. Can you tell me please how I can get some children to pretend to have asthma sufficiently severe enough to be able to claim DLA for them.? Asking for a friend and looking forward to payday.

I wonder if Uncle was showing off a bit about cousin having pots of money. Cousin probably doesn't.

There’s no requirement to be low earning to be in a council house. Or to remain low earning to stay in a council house.

Earnings don’t impact DLA either. And it’s very difficult to get DLA for asthma alone. If the children’s asthma is that bad they would have all sorts of specialists which they would use as proof for DLA. How would they dupe trained medical staff into believing they have asthma? If they are getting DLA it’s likely to be very severe asthma. Or your Uncle is making it ups

It actually sound like your uncle was trying to wind you up.

Your uncle and husband sound like twats, or worse. Is your husband one of those awful people who think not liking benefit fraud makes you a 'snob' and that reporting it makes you a 'grass'? If he is, have you thought of dumping him? How long have you been with this idiot?

I'm ignorant? Disgusting that you'd use such a tragedy in that way.

Yes deliberately winding up snobby OP, or embarrassed about his adult children struggling, so making up stories.

There's a lot of very identifiable information in your post, OP.

Snobbery is refusing a drink because you only drink bio-dynamic and sulphate-free wine from Chateau de Tetrapak region. Being repulsed by such behaviour is not snobbery. Now, living as they are and believing they can get away with it - that's one thing, but bragging about it thats whole another story.