Found some disturbing news about family.

[familysnob]

Name changed so not to out myself.

My uncle came to visit us from where he lives. (About 4 hr drive)
We don't see his two adult children very often unless we go to visit them.
My parents insisted we all go to Uni and were very strong on right and wrong. We are a fairly close knit group. Mum and Dad have helped all of us get good stable careers and my brother and I have bought a house while my sister is in the Navy and travels.

I took uncle out to dinner with my partner. He was chatting about one of my cousins whose husband has just started his own business. He told us how he is requesting to be paid in cash and fiddling the tax man. He told us how this guy has large sums of cash in his house so as not to arouse suspicion.

I asked how do they pay their mortgage as all they have is cash. He said they have a council house. Which is another reason why he has to keep his earnings low. My cousin has a touch of anxiety but is exaggerating her illness (which got her the house with her two kids in the first place)
Both kids are asthmatic allegedly and she gets DLA for them which pays for her car. They know someone in a local community group who helps them
Complete the assessment forms to get mid to high rate.

I was stunned. He told us all this as if he was proud of it. Like it was an indication of how clever his daughter is. I changed the subject when I could and was quite quiet the rest of the meal. I felt ready disillusioned by him. I've always loved and looked up to this uncle because he moved to the city when I was young. I always thought he was cool and strong.

When we got home my partner said I acted like a snob. That I came from and entitled family background and I showed myself up.

Am I being a snob. My parents were not rich but they would have gone buck mad if I'd done have what this cousin has done. It's just wrong.

I have an uncle who would be super proud of your cousin too. I never liked him even as a child. I think the reason you find it disturbing, to answer some pedantic people, is that you didn't think your family were the kind of people to deliberately scrounge off the state and commit fraud. You believed your family all had the same ethics and values around paying your own way and working hard.

It would be snobby if you were looking down on them being in a council house and claiming benefits when they had no ability to stand on their own two feet. But it's not snobby to be shocked to learn that they could support themselves and are choosing to hide their assets so they don't have to.

There's a big difference. Ask your partner if he would be happy to take those benefits away from someone in need when he clearly doesn't need them himself. The answer will tell you everything you need to know about your partner.

You would be being a snob if you were judging those family members for living in a council house and claiming benefits. You are not being a snob if you are judging them from LYING to get to live in a council house and be on benefits they aren't entitled to. Worth checking your partner understands your problem is the latter not the former.

You are not a snob, what a ridiculous way to belittle your opinion. You have been told about something morally wrong and are upset. Whether it's true or not the attitude was wrong. I know a few people when I was younger who joked publicly about fiddling the tax man but complaining in the next sentence that the council didn't have funds to fix the footpath outside their house, with no sense of irony. It's shows a deep down sense of entitlement and self serving principles.

Fraud pure and simple. There are anonymous lines you can report on. I did so about an ex's sibling - again all openly discussed around the family. Was appalled about it!
Find it even harder when I have to fight for months to try and get things like PIP - you are treated like a liar because others cheat the system!

For goodness sake - You don't report family for something like that!

Why not? Is it morally and legally acceptable just because they came from the same bloodline as you?

It's not a prerequisite to have low earnings to live in a council house.
Although the majority of tenants would be on modest incomes.

It would make me think less of the cousin and her partner, and also of the uncle if he seems to think it's cool. But I wouldn't really give it any further thought. Their lifestyle, their business.
I guess if you felt really strongly you could try and report them for benefit fraud? I wouldn't do that to anyone personally.

He’s talking rubbish. You don’t have to keep your income down if you live in a council house.

Being upset or shocked is warranted. Reporting it on the other hand, is a step too far for me personally.

Saying it is "disturbing" is a bit OTT unless you have lead a very sheltered life. I was expecting you to have found out some horrific crime/abuse/family secret.

Essentially "all" they are allegedly doing "wrong" is tax evasion. I don't agree with it either, but if you are that "disturbed" report it.

As for the council house/DLA she would have to have provided proof of any circumstances so might have been entitled to them anyway and just hamming it up a bit to your uncle as she is a bit self-conscious. You don't know the truth about that part.

Disturbing News! Slight over reaction there. I honestly thought before I opened this thread that they had about 30 bodies buried in the walls. All that over Tax fiddling!

This just isn't how it works on any level.

Cash earnings are still declared. When you do accounts for a company you have to reconcile cash accounts, so it would be obvious to everyone involved that wages were going out in cash.

There's always such bullshit on threads like this. Sure, you could get away with not reporting cash in hand for a few self employed jobs but MTD would make it fairly difficult for most. If you're on jobseekers the job centre will be pushing them to get a job and the payment will eventually stop if they're seen to not be actively looking.

Some councils do have an earnings limit for a council house but it is very high and you wouldn't get priority for a council house for anxiety - you have to prove that your illness means you need a house. Maybe her children being asthmatic and her living in an unsuitable (ie mouldy) house meant she could get a council house?

Also, DLA is notoriously hard to get.

Either you're very naive op, or you're happy to spread hated and lies about the most vulnerable people in society.

No. But it’s morally unacceptable to report on the say so of someone else. And that’s what’s happening here. OP has no concrete proof of what’s happening and no obligation to report. And it involves the welfare of two disabled children.

It’s hearsay. You think it’s right to report on the say so/bragging of someone else ? There are two children involved here and absolutely no proof that there is any kind of bogus claim on their behalf. If you’re going to report, at least do it on the basis of fact, not gossip.

OP perhaps you should be looking at your boyfriend’s values as they don’t seem to align to yours. It doesn’t matter if your uncle was exaggerating- your boyfriend’s response seems to be what is making you question yourself. As for your cousin- it’s her business and if her dad is spreading it every where that’s the issue for her!

This is why this country is all to pot, there are too many people fiddling the system and getting away with it.

My cousin's can easily get a job, none of them work and live off the system. Several holidays a year abroad 🤬

Lol.

As they use to say in the war 'careless talk costs lives!'
Whilst it maybe hearsay, there could also be some truth in it - overhead conversations often lead to discovery of illegal activity etc. This is also a close family member talking and some don't have any shame about cheating benefits etc. If there's nothing to it, it will all blow over but if there is.....than it can be rectified.

I agree you can't on hearsay. But if you know fraud is happening, the fact it's family shouldn't mean you can't report it if you feel like that's what needs to happen. And that's what the PP I was responding to had said.

One of my family members did similar, claimed full benefits as a single parents whilst her husband worked full time in a well paid job. All her rent etc was paid. She even got vouchers for fruit and veg. His earnings of over a grand a week were essentially fun money. She used to brag about it to me until one day I lost my rag and told her I didn't agree with it......he'll if they'd been on the bones of their arse, struggling on a zero hours contract or something I'd have understood. But this was pure greed and its wrong. People defending it are idiots.

Do you mean they rely on benefits to pay their council house rent? Because you still have to pay rent on council properties so that wouldn’t work with only having cash. You can also earn as much as you like whilst living in a council house.

I would take all the DLA stuff with a massive pinch of salt. Claiming is hard, you have to provide evidence to back-up the care needs and you are only awarded money based on the level of needs- eg. Getting a car is for those with the most severe mobility needs.

Your uncle is ignorant for bragging about other people’s financial affairs and ill gotten gains.
You would have been better off taking it all with a huge pinch of salt which would have had the desired effect of showing you were neither interested nor impressed with his gossip. Instead you showed your disdain by going noticeably quiet as if in shock which was probably quite uncomfortable all round. You could have simply redirected the chat to another more comfortable and interesting topic.
There was no need to make such a thing of it OP. Knowing right from wrong is one thing. Using good manners is also merit-worthy especially if you are hosting your uncle for dinner. So is realising that judging others on second hand information isn’t always wise.
You over-reacted in my opinion. It was social chit-chat in a restaurant, not evidence presented in a courtroom. You could have saved your shock horror for afterwards in private and quietly resolved to distance yourself if you were that offended by the gossip.

You’re not a snob, you just don’t approve of dishonesty. It sounds as if your DH does.