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Original poster

Found some disturbing news about family.

168 replies

familysnob · 31/07/2024 14:55

Name changed so not to out myself.

My uncle came to visit us from where he lives. (About 4 hr drive)
We don't see his two adult children very often unless we go to visit them.
My parents insisted we all go to Uni and were very strong on right and wrong. We are a fairly close knit group. Mum and Dad have helped all of us get good stable careers and my brother and I have bought a house while my sister is in the Navy and travels.

I took uncle out to dinner with my partner. He was chatting about one of my cousins whose husband has just started his own business. He told us how he is requesting to be paid in cash and fiddling the tax man. He told us how this guy has large sums of cash in his house so as not to arouse suspicion.

I asked how do they pay their mortgage as all they have is cash. He said they have a council house. Which is another reason why he has to keep his earnings low. My cousin has a touch of anxiety but is exaggerating her illness (which got her the house with her two kids in the first place)
Both kids are asthmatic allegedly and she gets DLA for them which pays for her car. They know someone in a local community group who helps them
Complete the assessment forms to get mid to high rate.

I was stunned. He told us all this as if he was proud of it. Like it was an indication of how clever his daughter is. I changed the subject when I could and was quite quiet the rest of the meal. I felt ready disillusioned by him. I've always loved and looked up to this uncle because he moved to the city when I was young. I always thought he was cool and strong.

When we got home my partner said I acted like a snob. That I came from and entitled family background and I showed myself up.

Am I being a snob. My parents were not rich but they would have gone buck mad if I'd done have what this cousin has done. It's just wrong.

OP posts:
YourWildAmberSloth · 31/07/2024 15:42

The council house comment is incorrect. You do not have to have a low income to stay in your council home, so the claim that this is why they have to keep their income low, doesn't make sense. And you can't just claim to have asthma and get DLA. My son is asthmatic, he doesn't get it. If someone is getting DLA for asthma it must be severe and documented. Somebody is lying.

InsensibleMe · 31/07/2024 15:42

I have a friend who runs his own business and uses every legal means to avoid paying tax. He never talks about it. Fine.
A mutual friend is always praising the first person, and saying how smart he is for not paying tax. That pisses me off much more than the first person. There is nothing praiseworthy in taking all the state’s benefits and making the rest of us pay more tax.

Waffle78 · 31/07/2024 15:42

Your not a snob at all. They aren't declaring all their earnings. So they are avoiding paying a lot more tax than they should. As well as living in a council house when they could probably afford to buy with all that tax free money. When a family in more need than them could be living in that house. I would wait a few weeks before reporting them.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
SeeSeeRider · 31/07/2024 15:43

pinkstripeycat · 31/07/2024 15:37

It’s the fault of the Government allowing these people to make dubious claims so easily.

I’ve had asthma all my life, same as DS1. Never got DLA. You don’t need it unless you are hooked up to a machine day in day out to help you breath.

I know a 20yr old who gets DLA for anxiety and even she said it’s not bad. They just had to fill in a lot of forms and over exaggerate.

Her friend (aged 18) is entitled to a disability car (when she passes her driving test) as she suffers from anxiety and says she can’t catch the bus.
Travelling by bus is the only way she gets around at the moment. She could get a lift with her parents but she’s happy to take the bus.

DH army friend had his legs blown off in Afghanistan. Had his disability car taken off him until he could prove he was disabled. He’d already proven it once in order to get the car. He had a time limit and between getting his appointment letter and being able to make the appointment he wasn’t able to get 2 buses with no legs to get to the right office to prove he had no legs. Apparently no medical written or photographic proof was suitable. Some random in an office had to see his legs ended at the knee. Because he went to the local paper, his time limit was extended and the newspaper actually drove him to the office! Still had to wait another 2 months for the car

Are you making this up?

Ponderingwindow · 31/07/2024 15:44

I would be rethinking the partner. Having someone who shares your values, especially around education and career planning, is incredibly important if you plan to have children.

TarantinoIsAMisogynist · 31/07/2024 15:56

Octavia64 · 31/07/2024 15:42

Nobody knows a 20 year old who gets DLA for anxiety as DLA is now for children only and adults (16+) are transitioned to PIP.

You may know a 20 year old who gets PIP for anxiety. Many people with anxiety choose not to share the impact on their lives.

PIP has an initial telephone assessment, a 50 page form with 99 questions that need to be answered in detail and supported with medical evidence. They also ask for access to all your medical records. You then have a detailed telephone assessment or in person assessment with a healthcare practitioner whose job is to try to work out of your area lying.

I submitted over 100 pages of medical evidence for mine.

Well said.

The number of people who think that a brief conversation with a casual acquaintance means they know enough to comment on that's person's disabilities and any support they may get is staggering.

It shouldn't be a newsflash that not everyone is going to share their complete medical history with a randomer, but apparently it is?

bitesthedust · 31/07/2024 15:57

Didn't read the whole thread but I have a council flat that I got after S21 and became homeless through not fault of my own - I was on a much lower income back then but since then I more than doubled my income and my tenancy was never at risk

Also, my daughter genuinely received DLA and now PIP and it is for MH so not easy to prove and it took a lot of letters and reports from a lot of professionals so she could be awarded anything at all. If it was for physical health like, it would need more objective evidence. Both my siblings were severely asthmatic and spent days and days at the hospital - does mild asthma awards benefit? For what purpose if the mum does not work and NHS treatment and medication is free for children?

BookW1tch · 31/07/2024 15:57

I haven’t read the full thread but all these stories about disability benefit fraud have to be made up? I’ve helped a couple of family members claim it and it’s incredibly difficult to claim, even when you’re fully entitled. You have to supply evidence from specialists, prescription lists and they contact your gp to make sure it’s all true. Sometimes even with all that info they won’t award it and you then have to go to tribunal. After all the hassle we’ve had I can’t believe people can make up that they have asthma and get awarded it or that they’re too anxious to get a bus although they’re anxiety isn’t too bad and get awarded a car etc. In the instance of the person saying her anxiety isn’t that bad maybe she plays it down because she’s embarrassed. In the case of the asthmatic children, there’s no way you could fake asthma successfully enough to be awarded pip. For a start you have tests to ascertain that you have asthma, you have to keep a peak flow record, take medicine, see a nurse for a review every so often. If it’s serious there would be proof of hospital admissions needed, stronger meds given etc.
Either your uncle is completely making this up or you’ve made this thread to bash disabled people and people who live in council houses.

Gillypie23 · 31/07/2024 15:58

You aren't being a snob. Your cousin and her husband are scrotes.

Rosscameasdoody · 31/07/2024 16:00

familysnob · 31/07/2024 14:55

Name changed so not to out myself.

My uncle came to visit us from where he lives. (About 4 hr drive)
We don't see his two adult children very often unless we go to visit them.
My parents insisted we all go to Uni and were very strong on right and wrong. We are a fairly close knit group. Mum and Dad have helped all of us get good stable careers and my brother and I have bought a house while my sister is in the Navy and travels.

I took uncle out to dinner with my partner. He was chatting about one of my cousins whose husband has just started his own business. He told us how he is requesting to be paid in cash and fiddling the tax man. He told us how this guy has large sums of cash in his house so as not to arouse suspicion.

I asked how do they pay their mortgage as all they have is cash. He said they have a council house. Which is another reason why he has to keep his earnings low. My cousin has a touch of anxiety but is exaggerating her illness (which got her the house with her two kids in the first place)
Both kids are asthmatic allegedly and she gets DLA for them which pays for her car. They know someone in a local community group who helps them
Complete the assessment forms to get mid to high rate.

I was stunned. He told us all this as if he was proud of it. Like it was an indication of how clever his daughter is. I changed the subject when I could and was quite quiet the rest of the meal. I felt ready disillusioned by him. I've always loved and looked up to this uncle because he moved to the city when I was young. I always thought he was cool and strong.

When we got home my partner said I acted like a snob. That I came from and entitled family background and I showed myself up.

Am I being a snob. My parents were not rich but they would have gone buck mad if I'd done have what this cousin has done. It's just wrong.

He’s a twat, and you’re not a snob for feeling the way you do. However, I would be very cautious about the DLA for the children. I was a disability outreach worker for the community and have extensive experience of applying for several different disability benefits - and there is no way in which to complete these forms with any certainty of any award. The application form is the first step, and the DWP will try to make a decision based on the information contained in it, as well as supporting medical evidence sent by the claimant. Where there is any doubt, or no medical evidence is available the child will be invited for a face to face assessment.

It’s very difficult to claim child DLA because all children require a certain amount of care, and the claimant has to prove that the disability results in care/mobility needs significantly higher than a non disabled child. If they have a motability car then one or both children would have the higher rate mobility component, which is strictly assessed for, so I’d say there’s a pretty high level of disability there.

I see many people on here swearing that they know people who are not entitled to disability benefits, and my answer is always that unless you live with the person, know the details of their disability and how it affects them, and have seen their claim for benefit and any medical evidence they’ve produced, they can’t possibly know that, and are making ableist assumptions based on what they can see, not what is actually there.

Cattery · 31/07/2024 16:00

You don’t have to keep your “earnings low” in a council house. That’s rubbish

3CustardCreams · 31/07/2024 16:01

Don’t get involved.

PeggyMitchellsCameo · 31/07/2024 16:03

It’s your uncle who is clearly the issue. Why is he discussing personal business at a family meal where the people involved aren’t allowed to account for themselves?
I can absolutely understand your moral stance on tax avoidance and benefit fraud. However, being brought up with morals, and going to University aren’t a guarantee you or anyone else will follow the right path.
There are plenty of people out there who avoid tax who could buy and sell everyone on this thread who are well educated.
There are people in genuine need who have to fight to get PIP - it’s not quite as simple as someone in a community group filling the form in for you.
Your cousin may be receiving help and may be far worse than you know. She may be quite the opposite.
Your uncle sounds like he thought he was entertaining your DP.
I understand your outrage but it’s probably best to let it go. You already have a great family of your own, your live according to your principles. As for ditching your DP over this, I would give him the benefit of the doubt.
He probably felt a bit awkward and if his values align with yours in general then follow your instincts on that.
Families can end up at war as a consequence of conversations like this. I would steer well clear, keep your head high, knowing it can rest soundly on a pillow every night knowing you have a very strong moral code.

LBFseBrom · 31/07/2024 16:04

familysnob · 31/07/2024 15:02

@Onehotday I didn't really act up. I just went quiet and changed the subject away from this cousin.

I too would go quiet and try to divert the subject. It was not right of your uncle to even mention it - and the story may not be quite true to the facts.

Please try not to think about it any more, there's nothing you can say or do which would help. Don't report them whatever you do, grassing on people is never a good idea and, unless you heard it from your cousin and her husband, it is just hearsay.

I think your uncle is a twat for bringing the subject up in the first place. It was not loyal to his daughter and not fair to you.

TorroFerney · 31/07/2024 16:04

familysnob · 31/07/2024 15:01

It's the first time he has met this uncle and he said I made it awkward and embarrassing by going quiet and obviously changing the subject.

No your uncle made it uncomfortable by telling you his son in law was dodgy.

Cattery · 31/07/2024 16:05

I was expecting the “disturbing” news to be something awful; not about someone living in a council house and working. Bastards. OP must have had a very sheltered life

Rosscameasdoody · 31/07/2024 16:07

BookW1tch · 31/07/2024 15:57

I haven’t read the full thread but all these stories about disability benefit fraud have to be made up? I’ve helped a couple of family members claim it and it’s incredibly difficult to claim, even when you’re fully entitled. You have to supply evidence from specialists, prescription lists and they contact your gp to make sure it’s all true. Sometimes even with all that info they won’t award it and you then have to go to tribunal. After all the hassle we’ve had I can’t believe people can make up that they have asthma and get awarded it or that they’re too anxious to get a bus although they’re anxiety isn’t too bad and get awarded a car etc. In the instance of the person saying her anxiety isn’t that bad maybe she plays it down because she’s embarrassed. In the case of the asthmatic children, there’s no way you could fake asthma successfully enough to be awarded pip. For a start you have tests to ascertain that you have asthma, you have to keep a peak flow record, take medicine, see a nurse for a review every so often. If it’s serious there would be proof of hospital admissions needed, stronger meds given etc.
Either your uncle is completely making this up or you’ve made this thread to bash disabled people and people who live in council houses.

I was a disability outreach worker and am disabled myself. I agree with all of the above. It gets right up my left nostril when people post like this. All disability benefits are very difficult to claim and child DLA in particular is incredibly difficult to get because all children have needs, and it has to be proved that the disability causes a child to have care/mobility issues far above that of a non disabled child. As posted, unless you live with the person, are privy to their medical records and the details of their claim you have no way of knowing the full details and to assume they are not entitled based only on what you can see is ableist.

Fedup369 · 31/07/2024 16:08

Yeah what you've heard is not disturbing, wrong yes but you've clearly lived a very privileged life to have never heard of anyone doing untoward things to get by, my partners a tradesman and although he's not dishonest himself most of his friends do backhand jobs to get by.

growing up we went a whole month where our lounge was filled with washing machines like 30 of the buggars that "fell off the back of a lorry" courtesy of my grandad.

Disturbing would be if you found out your uncle was your brother, or he'd killed a man in the 80's and was never caught. Benefit fraud and tax evasion. It's not great but it's hardly as dramatic and you made it out to be

NewGreenDuck · 31/07/2024 16:10

So, how did your parents help you get a good job? Did they pull strings, ask friends? How exactly? Was it fair what they did?
Secondly, no one gets a council property because they have anxiety. I suggest you consult the allocations policy which is readily available on the local authority website, if you require further information about how people are housed.
Lastly, a person can be housed when on a low income and isn't required to move if their income improves.
I suggest that you should not be so gullible in future.

5128gap · 31/07/2024 16:10

I'd take it all with a huge pinch of salt if I were you. No one gets DLA for children with mild asthma whoever fills in the form for them. No one gets a council house because they have anxiety. Lots of trades people do have cash payments and don't declare it all, so he might be right there. However the important thing here is you really don't have to believe everything people tell you. You may be very honest but people like your uncle may exaggerate and lie for the sake of a good story over dinner.

peachgreen · 31/07/2024 16:10

It's fucking impossible to get DLA/PIP. My mum is in a wheelchair full time and cannot shower/use the toilet independently/drive/cook for herself etc etc etc and she still has to jump through metaphoric hoops to get it. Nobody's getting it by exaggerating their asthma ffs. These goady threads drive me mad.

JaneEyreBedHair · 31/07/2024 16:12

OP you’re just a person with good morals. I’d be shocked & upset too if that happened to me. You are not a snob for believing your uncle & relatives are behaving dishonestly.

TallulahBetty · 31/07/2024 16:12

You don't need to be a low-earner to have social housing. ANYONE can apply.

Morally, there is the question of whether someone doing so well in life SHOULD be in a social property, but legally, no issues.

DullFanFiction · 31/07/2024 16:13

familysnob · 31/07/2024 15:01

It's the first time he has met this uncle and he said I made it awkward and embarrassing by going quiet and obviously changing the subject.

Did you dh actually noticed you changing the subject or did he say that after you’ve told him you were really uncomfortable about what he was going on about?

You're Not a snob.
And your uncle made it embarrassing by going on and on about his child committing fraud and being somehow proud of it. It doesn’t matter whether it’s true or not. It’s the fact he thought it was something worth mentioning as a good thing to have happened!!

Your dh though…. If he thinks this was ok to go on like this and cant see the issue with fraud, then I would question his morals too tbh.

Miyagi99 · 31/07/2024 16:14

familysnob · 31/07/2024 15:06

@TarantinoIsAMisogynist I don't know what the requirements are for council help. I'm just wondering why he would lie?

There are no limits on what you earn once you’re in a council house, I don’t know his reasons for lying (maybe he’s been misinformed) but it’s not the truth.