Found some disturbing news about family.

[familysnob]

Name changed so not to out myself.

My uncle came to visit us from where he lives. (About 4 hr drive)
We don't see his two adult children very often unless we go to visit them.
My parents insisted we all go to Uni and were very strong on right and wrong. We are a fairly close knit group. Mum and Dad have helped all of us get good stable careers and my brother and I have bought a house while my sister is in the Navy and travels.

I took uncle out to dinner with my partner. He was chatting about one of my cousins whose husband has just started his own business. He told us how he is requesting to be paid in cash and fiddling the tax man. He told us how this guy has large sums of cash in his house so as not to arouse suspicion.

I asked how do they pay their mortgage as all they have is cash. He said they have a council house. Which is another reason why he has to keep his earnings low. My cousin has a touch of anxiety but is exaggerating her illness (which got her the house with her two kids in the first place)
Both kids are asthmatic allegedly and she gets DLA for them which pays for her car. They know someone in a local community group who helps them
Complete the assessment forms to get mid to high rate.

I was stunned. He told us all this as if he was proud of it. Like it was an indication of how clever his daughter is. I changed the subject when I could and was quite quiet the rest of the meal. I felt ready disillusioned by him. I've always loved and looked up to this uncle because he moved to the city when I was young. I always thought he was cool and strong.

When we got home my partner said I acted like a snob. That I came from and entitled family background and I showed myself up.

Am I being a snob. My parents were not rich but they would have gone buck mad if I'd done have what this cousin has done. It's just wrong.

I'd also suggest you apply a little logic. If it was really possible to get all this free stuff with so little need just by telling lies, don't you think a lot more people would be doing the same? Do you think its honesty that has the British public not lying their way with ease into secure social housing and thousands of pounds of benefits? Or do you think maybe its not that easy and they do check, and you do have to prove you need it?

No child with faked needs is getting HR/MR DLA.

Yes but isn’t the issue the fact the uncle was proud to say his ds was hiding income ‘so he could <insert that ever it is, even it isn’t plausible>’, aka he was happy for him to fiddle with the system so much do he is boasting about it to the OP?

Yes in RL, these people might well be well within what is surprised or the uncle might well have invented it all. But who goes on about something they present as illegal/fiddling with the system as something good??

No you are not a snob.

And if being a snob means having some standards, then yes you are a snob and well done.

I'm not really sure what the issue is here, or why you're so upset about people you don't have much to do with? Obviously it's wrong to avoid paying tax, but they're hardly the first people to moonlight with cash only. As for the DLA, so what if "someone from the local community centre" helps your cousin fill in the forms? It's very common for charities, etc to advise and support people in filling out benefit forms, given how difficult it is to receive government support.

I agree with DLA point too, my daughter is 4 and has quite severe autism, speaks only in phrases from peppa pig, physically 4 but developmentally 9-18 months. Possibly has epilepsy too, She gets midrate dla

@5128gap This. Exactly. This post is so naive.

Thats pretty impertinent of him when he is new to that family dynamic. He should just shut up and have your back on first meeting. Irrespective of your boyfriends chutzpa how you react to the realisation your relatives have diddled the system, is your business.

People put you in a difficult position if they tell you they are doing illegal things, I assume you are meant to find it clever and cunning, but really it's pushing everyone else's taxes up. I know that this just one family but it is repeated all over.

I remember a guy telling me he had to jump out of his partners window because the social came round. He claimed to live at his mother's, when they actually lived together, his partner claimed all sorts of benefits, she was unemployed and they had two small children together. He was so full of himself for being so clever and managing to avoid being caught. I was really tempted to dob him in.

@DullFanFiction I worked as a housing officer for over 30 years. I've heard it all. Some idiot always knows a person who knows a person whose great aunt Mabel says that...
All sorts of nonsense. I got fed up with trying to tell them the actual truth. Quite often I knew the exact circumstances but clearly couldn't tell them. I just had to tell them that they were wrong and leave it. Same with DLA or PIP. It's not easy to get. I would not believe a word he said without actual evidence. I could write a book, if I was allowed to, about the absolute bollox that people have told me.

Hopefully he is embellishing a bit, disability benefits are quite hard to get, so maybe the asthma is more severe than they let on. Or they could be swindling 🤷‍♀️ tbh I'd be less annoyed about that than the tax thing as at least one is based on truth.

Someone I know recently disclosed to me that they have been fraudulent with tax, putting their self assessment down as 20 k a year as opposed to the £120 k they actually make. When I've mentioned this to others I've been shocked that it's been a 50/50 reaction of indifference or anger. I was fuming. I've had my finger hovering over the report button but just can't bring myself to do it

People who don’t pay their tax are shit him and and a drain on society, but I can’t get worked up about your cousins having a council house.

The entire system of council housing is massively unfair to start with, so I don’t have problems with individuals adding a bit more unfairness.

People who are fiddling the system generally get investigated eventually. The ones that bother me are the massively wealthy people who reckon they are using legal loopholes to reduce their tax, and nobody turns a hair.

I think you're being very naive with your apparent outrage, and yes, a bit snobby.

And gullibility is believing any of this crock of shit.

If you have a council home you won’t automatically lose it if your fortunes change.

Likely someone will grass them up re benefits and tax.

DWP and HMRC are quite good at spotting fraudulent claims and tax evasion. If a lifestyle is out of kilter with means, it will flag up eventually, though it may be a few years down the line.

I think they may be massively exaggerating the amount of income received. It’s quite difficult to make a profit starting a new business from scratch.

You're not a snob and your partner is out of order for thinking you are. What they're doing is benefit/tax fraud by the sounds of it. It's not snobbish to disapprove of it.

However you only have bragging uncles word for it. He may be prone to exaggerate or like winding people up. If your partner could see how it affected you, so could your uncle.

He may also be making assumptions, looking at someone's outward appearance and their life and jumping to conclusions about there being nothing really wrong with them because they don't look visibly unwell and how they must be fiddling the system to have anything other than rags to wear and one bowl and spoon between them to eat their gruel with while they state at their mouldy peeling walls. It's a common attitude towards benefits claimants and those who live in social housing. Look at the outrage when someone who doesn't work has a big TV (that they could be paying finance for at £1.50/wk for 10yrs for all anyone knows) or they have Sky (their one hobby perhaps as a disabled person who by necessity spends a lot of time sat down).

Lots of people need help to fill in the benefits forms correctly, the forms are designed to trip people up so their claim fails. It's not unusual or a sign of playing the system that they had help with this. Severe asthma can be debilitating. Spending the mobility component on a Motability car because you can't walk far makes sense. It's a lot more expensive than running your own privately owned car but perhaps someone with anxiety can't cope with the hassle of organising repairs or being without a car while they happen, perhaps they couldn't get credit to purchase their own car either. Then lots of people will also assume that anything other than an ancient old banger is a Motability car if the person is on benefits, even where that isn't true. Your uncle stating it as fact that he knows doesn't necessarily mean it is. Benefits can be spent on whatever the person needs so if the child would have got DLA then they'd have it regardless of whatever the money is spent on, be it a Motability car or something else.

The children would have made your cousin a priority for a council house if she was homeless, which many renters end up becoming through no fault of their own. Her anxiety may have given her additional points so she got housed sooner but being homeless with DC basically puts you right up the top of the list anyway, especially if you're a single parent or your partner is out of work.

Sounds that her partner is defrauding the HMRC by not declaring his true income, they may also be claiming housing benefit/UC for low income if he's hiding his earnings.

I'll never understand why people doing these things tell others, if indeed they are doing all that your uncle says. I guess they judge others by their own standards. They must be so convinced that everyone around them has no morals or regard for the law that everyone else will agree with their behaviour and see no problems with it.

Your uncle is an absolute dickhead for seemingly being proud of this. He's also a gossip. Never tell him anything you don't want the entire world to know.

@familysnob the NHS is in the shit because of how poorly it is run. If it was run efficiently, by competent managers, and wasn't so management top heavy, it could run within the budget it already receives. Have you seen their procurement? It's absolutely shocking.

By all means, be fucked off at your relatives committing benefit fraud, but please do not be naïve that they are harming the NHS in doing so.

I don’t think you’ve got enough to say they are definitely committing benefit fraud- that’s not really your business about the asthma etc. He’s not a doctor and neither are you and that is judged independently etc. Or the fact someone helps them with the paperwork. Also not unusual and quite acceptable. However- the cash is different story imo… I’d be tempted to consider reporting him anonymously for tax fraud. If what he is saying IS true.

No, you are not a snob. Your cousin is a greedy, lying, malingerer and her husband is a thief - in fact both of them are thieves, they are stealing off every poor bastard working and paying tax to subsidise this. Bad enough exaggerating her own illness but using her kids’ conditions (and no doubt exaggerating their symptoms also) is utterly shit. Benefit and tax fraud really annoys me, and the “social acceptability” of it is a cancer. And let’s not forget, this behaviour makes many people judgemental and nasty about legitimate claimants.

They both deserve to be reported. Fannies.

I work with a woman who proudly boasts how good her family member is at working the system with a list of benefits they get. I've actually met said family member and yes they do boast about it. Colleague is envious and wishes they could claim all this free money as well. I think it's pretty shit and it makes me doubt her honesty and integrity. But I can see there are a lot of mixed feelings on this thread. Interesting.

Op none of this os true so either he was winding you up or yoh are winding us up?

No earning limit for council house (though really probably ought to be..)
Its hard to get dla and asthma is very unlikely to be enough.

Someone might hide their cash bht that would be because otherwise they wouldnt get UC.
Wouldnt get much for anxiety either

Though perhaos autism which presents as anxidty in women and might explain the dla for the kids too. But unclw mxay not know etc.
Im sure loads of relatives tell people lot of rubbish in error and others intentionaply moslead as say dont believe in in diagnosis or see stigmacetc

Also, to add, you should take what he said with a pinch of salt. My Dad is always bigging me up to his friends, saying how successful I am and implying I'm a millionaire. It's a load of shite and just him exaggerating because he's proud of me 😂

You might want to think carefully about your future with your partner. A partner who does not support you in family matters will probably be at best a disappointment in the long run. In your case it is even worse as your partner is effectively condoning tax fraud.