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Original poster

Teen DD no longer wants to spend time with us

156 replies

SummerGardenFlowers · 27/07/2024 14:25

Teen DD is 14. Historically, over the summer we've always cleared off somewhere camping etc for a couple of nights at a time - we're not that well off and it's suited us as a family. DH and I are quite outdoorsy and DD has always enjoyed our trips where we've gone off somewhere to explore the local area.

Expect now, she's decided that she no longer wants to go. I totally understand and respect that she's decided it's not for her - she'd rather spend free time with her friends etc, I get it. BUT this means that essentially DH and I are now tethered to the house - she's too young to leave on her own, and we haven't got any family members to send her to so we can go away on the little trips that we've always loved. I've got a week of annual leave now, the weather's looking good and she doesn't want to do a single thing with me and I'm bloody bored!

OP posts:
PassingStranger · 27/07/2024 14:27

I think 14 is a little young to not go away with family. It's not right you should stay home either.

Could you go somewhere else with her, could she bring a friend?

RedHelenB · 27/07/2024 14:28

I'd say you're going at that age, but let her use her phone plenty.

Original poster
SummerGardenFlowers · 27/07/2024 14:30

Understood - but quite honestly the grief and silent treatment we'd get isn't worth it at all. We've offered for her to bring a friend along many times but she always says that they wouldn't like it!

OP posts:

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Mrsjayy · 27/07/2024 14:32

I would say we are going away x y z weekend you need to come she can take Her phone and maybe a friend? We used to caravan and when our eldest was 14/15 we used to take a friend and they slept In a pup tent.

I don't think you should be giving up your trips because your 14 year old said so.

reeceschoc · 27/07/2024 14:33

When I was 14 I didn't have a say in whether or not I was going, if the family was, I was.
Book a holiday and tell she's going, she's a child and you're the parent.

Mrsjayy · 27/07/2024 14:34

SummerGardenFlowers · 27/07/2024 14:30

Understood - but quite honestly the grief and silent treatment we'd get isn't worth it at all. We've offered for her to bring a friend along many times but she always says that they wouldn't like it!

Let her huff it isn't all about her, if she sulks that's on her not you.

CocoPlum · 27/07/2024 14:35

reeceschoc · 27/07/2024 14:33

When I was 14 I didn't have a say in whether or not I was going, if the family was, I was.
Book a holiday and tell she's going, she's a child and you're the parent.

Agreed. I have a 15yo DD, in your shoes I'd book the camping trip, give her no option, but maybe also book something she would like, so a night away at a premier inn taking a friend to alton towers/trip to London to see a show, something like that.

BustingBaoBun · 27/07/2024 14:36

So you're not having a holiday because your DD aged 14 doesn't fancy it?

Tough! She has to go and if she chooses to be miserable, that's on her!

You have offered the friend, which I what I used to do. They would prefer that than being stuck on their own... with us 😂

CaptainCarrotsBigSword · 27/07/2024 14:37

There's no way a 14 year old should be in charge of the family. You're going camping, she's coming. She can have her own tent but she's coming, and she's not to ruin your week of paid leave by being a mardy arse. 14 is old enough to be told that the world doesn't revolve around her, she's part of a wider group, and if 2/3 of the group want to do a thing, she's doing the thing.

SuperBatFace · 27/07/2024 14:38

I suspect that some of these posters may not have experienced the holiday with the teen who doesn't want to be there Grin

Yes you can force her but all it leads to is an absolutely miserable experience all round so I honestly would not bother

You'll be back to holidaying alone in just a few more years so I'd either suck it up for now, go away when she can stay with other relatives or bribe her to come by saying she can have unlimited phone time or chill time. Or yes, just make her but that will ensure that nobody enjoys themselves

Precipice · 27/07/2024 14:38

A holiday away isn't 'her free time' in that sense. She should be able to not go if you and DH want to go on a local walk in nature for a couple of hours, but not to 'opt out' of going on a holiday.

Positivenancy · 27/07/2024 14:39

Is it a case of all of her friends are having holidays abroad etc and she is embarrassed at the prospect of camping?

EVHead · 27/07/2024 14:42

SuperBatFace · 27/07/2024 14:38

I suspect that some of these posters may not have experienced the holiday with the teen who doesn't want to be there Grin

Yes you can force her but all it leads to is an absolutely miserable experience all round so I honestly would not bother

You'll be back to holidaying alone in just a few more years so I'd either suck it up for now, go away when she can stay with other relatives or bribe her to come by saying she can have unlimited phone time or chill time. Or yes, just make her but that will ensure that nobody enjoys themselves

This is also my view. There are a few years when things have to change because of the age your child is. They won’t last long then you’ll have your freedom back. This is just part of being a parent.

Original poster
SummerGardenFlowers · 27/07/2024 14:43

Positivenancy · 27/07/2024 14:39

Is it a case of all of her friends are having holidays abroad etc and she is embarrassed at the prospect of camping?

I think this is slightly possible. Due to finances we're not going abroad this year ( my dad lives in France so we usually go there for a week or two in the summer). I know some of her friends have been on nice Instagrammy holidays to foreign beaches, I know she wants to do that but we just can't afford it at the moment.

And yes to poster above about it not being worth forcing her - she'd be miserable, me and DH would be pissed off and no one would be having a great time!

OP posts:
GoTigers · 27/07/2024 14:43

I was your teen. I hated the holidays my parents went on. Bored beyond belief. UK holidays to sites of national interest, nature and National Trust churches were not my thing.

Fortunately, they allowed me to stay home with a mate to stay from 14. It was ACE! I used to kick them out the front door!

Original poster
SummerGardenFlowers · 27/07/2024 14:45

I'm fully prepared to pack it in for a couple of years til she's old enough to be left - freedom is looming. I don't think I'm prepared to force her to go - I suppose we'll just have to suck it up and make the best of it that we can, maybe stick to day trips instead.

OP posts:
Sunshineafterthehail · 27/07/2024 14:46

We are away camping with ds 15 and his mate along with ds 9. Just left a donkey sanctuary where we all had a great few hours.. Ds knows it's non negotiable he comes along. Your dd needs to do as she's told.

Bigbouncingbaby · 27/07/2024 14:48

If it makes you feel better my daughter 13 isn’t coming abroad . She did much the same miserable hates heat travelling etc. Its no fun taking someone away who doesn’t want to be there . We are Lucky though as can stay with my mum so we don’t miss out . Its really disappointing though

Original poster
SummerGardenFlowers · 27/07/2024 14:48

GoTigers · 27/07/2024 14:43

I was your teen. I hated the holidays my parents went on. Bored beyond belief. UK holidays to sites of national interest, nature and National Trust churches were not my thing.

Fortunately, they allowed me to stay home with a mate to stay from 14. It was ACE! I used to kick them out the front door!

THERE'S NO WAY I'D DO THIS 🤣🤣

When I was a teen, my mum buggered off somewhere with her fancy man and left me and my sister alone (we were 14&15). What did we do? Yes we had a banging house party, unconscious drunk teens all over the house and garden, vomit everywhere, music could be heard 3 streets away.

No no no and no!

OP posts:
user1474315215 · 27/07/2024 14:53

I agree with the posters who are saying that you need

JMSA · 27/07/2024 14:53

You can't drag her on a camping holiday. I don't know many teenage girls who'd enjoy that, and it would be miserable for everyone.
Could you perhaps compromise by doing glamping or an inexpensive B&B?

Mrsjayy · 27/07/2024 14:53

Yes I've been on holiday with teens and at 14 it was non negotiable sitting at home because they don't want to go is actually ridiculous, I

DGPP · 27/07/2024 14:55

I’d have settled this before summer by saying you’re going camping but as a treat we can do one day doing something you like at the end - like a theme park, a meal out of her choice etc. But it would be clear she is coming on holiday

user1474315215 · 27/07/2024 14:55

Whoops! You need to manage your expectations for a couple of years. Your DD is as much entitled to have an opinion on your plans as the adults. You may not be able to do what she wants, but it really isn't fair to expect her to tag along with something she doesn't want to do.

TomatoSandwiches · 27/07/2024 14:59

I bunked the trains back home after being dragged 300 miles away for camping, I don't do camping.

It will be another 2yrs max of not going camping and then she can be left at home or planned to stay with other family/friends so you can go with DH.

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