Teen DD no longer wants to spend time with us

[SummerGardenFlowers]

Teen DD is 14. Historically, over the summer we've always cleared off somewhere camping etc for a couple of nights at a time - we're not that well off and it's suited us as a family. DH and I are quite outdoorsy and DD has always enjoyed our trips where we've gone off somewhere to explore the local area.

Expect now, she's decided that she no longer wants to go. I totally understand and respect that she's decided it's not for her - she'd rather spend free time with her friends etc, I get it. BUT this means that essentially DH and I are now tethered to the house - she's too young to leave on her own, and we haven't got any family members to send her to so we can go away on the little trips that we've always loved. I've got a week of annual leave now, the weather's looking good and she doesn't want to do a single thing with me and I'm bloody bored!

Excellent parenting OP.

If OP has such relatives, she probably wants nothing to do with them. Who would. Well, other than you then.

You can do snorkling and watersports in England in some lovely places if she enjoyed it last year. But I think you’re right to listen to her but equally she needs to listen to you too. Try the adult approach we need a break we can do this or this and you will need to come but whilst we’re there you could do this or this if you fancy on your own or with me. It’s not an easy age and finding a balance is key but one week out of her 6wk break won’t be the end of the world.

Is she an only child? Could she take a mate with her?

Personally I'd book the holiday and tell her to be grateful 🤷‍♀️

That said I'd look for places that have stuff that teens would like to do, for example when dd was that age we went to Devon where she could go to surf school, hang out on the beach, play at the arcades, go crabbing, look round the little touristy shops etc.

Also is it anxiety kicking in too? My DD 13 struggles with quite a lot of things and getting her to do stuff is very challenging but we do with options and giving her control around the things she can have but equally we do say no when it matters.

This
kids need reminding that we are their parents and make the rules while they live with us

I'm in the go anyway camp. No way would I spend my precious annual leave stuck at home because my teenager is sulking at the thought of any of the options I present.

Id book camping for 4 nights. Id go near enough to a city and try and incorporate stuff my teens enjoy but I wouldn't just stay home. In my experience my teens pull their faces at the suggestion of things, but once there they do have a good time.
And if not, it's 4 nights out of the whole 6 weeks they have off school.

I ran away from home the night before our holiday at 14 as l didn’t want to go so much.

What a horrible child l was😁

I always had to go then at 18 I went off abroad with a friend every year.
She's the kid and shouldn't dictate holidays.

My children are now 23.

A teen who does not want to be on a holiday can make it very very unpleasant for everyone.

My son once staged a three hour sit in on a car park in France because he did not want to go out that day. He was about 15 at the time and physically held on to the car when my ExH tried to drag him out.

Teens are not like toddlers or pre-teens. They can hold grudges all holiday and be unpleasant for days and days on end. They don't snap out of it, and they do make it horrible for everyone. If you punish them then sometimes they respond with worse and worse behaviour because they hate you more.

They can lock themselves in the (only) bathroom and refuse to come out etc etc.

All those people saying adult up - really if you have a teen like this it absolutely isn't worth it. They'll make your holiday so shit you really wish you didn't come.

Is this the first time she doesn’t want to go? Maybe once you get her there she will find she likes it. My two very rarely want to go anywhere, especially at the point when they have actually leave the house. But often enjoy it once there.

Oh I remember as a teen my dad took us to a holiday camp type place in the Ardennes - it was nice, there were pools, canoeing, stuff to do, we stayed in a big chalet. My big sister had been allowed to bring a friend but they decided they didn't like the holiday, spoiled it for everyone with their behaviour which was awful. Dad packed the friend up, took her to Calais, stuck her on a ferry and told her mum to pick her up the other end. From memory sister hadn't wanted to go in the first place and mum made her....

Flashback to my friends then 15 year old lad who flatly refused to get in the car to go to wales. He relented then was dreadful until a 19 year old water sports instructor at an activity took him for a walk and a chat and he came back much improved. He’s actually a really nice lad and is a great young man so this is usually a temporary thing!

I also ran away in the (camping) holiday. For 8 hours. My poor dm.

But l wanted to go to town and hang out with my mates. Not visit cutesy Cornish fishing villages or costal walks.

Can she not stay with her older sister for a week while you’re away?

This actually made me laugh.

Have you looked at youth hostels? They're still cheap (and you can self cater) but they no longer make you do chores, some are even ensuite and the city ones often have a cafe-bar, pool table, etc..

I slightly feel for her with the recent memory of DofE. I did all the awards myself but it was genuinely voluntary in my day. Now we make the whole of year 9 go and of course that puts some off camping for life.

You say ahe's into skincare. My DD is a little younger but I could almost certainly bribe her into such a trip with £10 to spend at SpaceNK.

This is so true. Teens are overgrown toddlers. Cast your minds back to the ruined holidays with 4 year olds...

What skincare do you get for £10 at SpaceNK? (

Not to be mean, genuine question.

The Parisian Garden hand creme! DD spent sooooo long browsing I felt I had to buy something.

To my annoyance it was really good 😂.

I've got zero idea what SpaceNK is 🫣 I think I've basically ended up with a feminine, "girly" daughter who's into all that sort of stuff when I myself am most certainly not and haven't got the slightest clue about makeup, fashion or anything trendy - I'd rather go and sit in a field!

Well me either (I often feel nostalgic for my 80s childhood) but our trips tend to go:

Thing I like
Thing she likes
Thing I like etc

We had an (in retrospect) hilarious day in London in Feb half term alternating skincare shops and heritage sites.

She got us swimming in a waterfall last summer - something it had never occurred to me or DH to do. It was actually quite fun!

Teens suddenly stop liking things you thought they loved before. It's normal. But you can't let it prevent you from going away and she doesn't get to dictate everything either. And she can't stay at home so either she has to stay with someone else or she has to go with you. Is she up for a break that's not camping? City break maybe?
Our then 14 year old used to get dragged along to places he definitely didn't want to be and the entire time was taken up with him whingeing about how he wanted to go home and going around with an extremely pissed off face. It dampens the occasion and spoils it for everyone. They don't snap out of it, unless they want to.

As the teen who ran away from a camping holiday, I’d have been even worse at the prospect of a youth hostel.

Sorry!

Ooh I like hand creme. I will have to google now. 😂