Today I was told I have cancer. I'm sat alone at home to digest the news

[Scaredandworried98]

DH has gone out, it was planned. He asked if I minded him going. DC don't knowl and are doing own things. I messaged a friend to suggest a chat but she isn't picking up. I had told her today was diagnoses day but she's forgotten. We all have busy lives. I'm not going to tell friends over a message. Im purposely not googling it. I feel helpless waiting for the next hospital appt. Waiting to find out more.

Just wanted a hand hold

I won't sleep tonight. Any recommendations for Netflix/prime binge sets ?

These men... shakes head sorrowfully

I kind of like time by myself to process bad stuff, so I’m not judging op’s husband. These things are not easy.

So sorry to hear this OP 💐 Another vote for the Brokenwood Mysteries.

He has left his wife to deal with her shock alone. I am judging you for not processing that.

I might miss what type you have but treatment for cancer is better all the time. I've had breast cancer twice and I understand the shock. I don't know what you have in the UK but here in the US we have the American cancer society which can help with questions and support. Hopefully you have something similar.

When I was in limbo land between diagnosis and treatment plan, I asked the doctor for sleeping tablets. They would only prescribe a couple of weeks worth, but it got me through the first few days of shock and then the last few tablets I eked out by cutting in half, then quarter. They helped so much.

I’m fine now, many years later. Most people are, but at the time it’s horrible isn’t it.

Sending many {{HUGS}} and healing wishes for you. You are smart not to Google and do try and find support from people ho have been where you are.

Not helpful @Runsyd. people deal with things in different ways.

Here for you. I’m 7 years from my own cancer diagnosis but I can remember what these early days are like. It may well feel better when you have a plan worked out with your medical team. Don’t be worried about asking for support. Yes people are busy but good friends will be there for you (and you’ll find out who is a friend and who isn’t). I can’t believe your husband went out but that won’t help.
i know it’s terrible but it won’t always feel like this.

...by leaving the person who ACTUALLY has the bad stuff happening to her by herself?

That's called cowardice. I judge the husband too. I could not leave a loved one alone in those circumstances, unless they asked to be alone. Which the OP has not.

You come across as a superwoman, brave and strong - very impressive.
Sorry I can’t help with the box sets!

No. I’ve had a lot of bad stuff happen to me. And I don’t always want someone there.

I also don’t judge people. Life is hard. People struggle. This thread isn’t the place for judgement and division

I was diagnosed in April 2023 and sat in a chemo chair this morning. My body and mind moved through all the stages of denial, confusion, painful anxiety and then through a process of acceptance, which is where I am now. What helps? Patience with yourself. Giving yourself permission to feel all these feelings, to cry it out with friends and family. For me, as a Christian, my faith grew and became a huge support to me.

Lean into people. Watch any rubbish you want - I ended up with a mixture of all sorts. See the beauty in tiny things - I started noticing flowers and birds and clouds. It took me time, but I then started to see the really beauty of people - for a while I saw people as ‘those who didn’t have cancer’ and ‘those that had cancer.’ It took quite a long time for that to change, to realise that people suffer in all sorts of ways and that, when I stopped for a moment, I could find joy again. I am so sorry that you are home alone tonight but I promise that you will be in my thoughts and prayers and in the others who have written or read your message tonight. Sending you love.

First of all sorry to hear your news, although I truly hate it when people say that to me so for “muggles”, the cancer communities term for non cancer sufferers, please try not to deal sorry especially with that little tilt and sad face. I always thought that people were mentally choosing their funeral outfit when they gave me “that” look.

Secondly, friends fall into two camps, those that stick their fingers in their ears and mum loudly to drown out the news. And those that are happy to support you. There are a subset of this group who will research the internet for magic cures and weird diets.

In the middle of all this are your family in shock but trying to be far too brave.

At the epicentre you stand alone, it’s happening to you but you don’t want to talk about it to loved ones because they are hurting. You don’t want to moan to your supportive friends because at this early stage you don’t need them but you will need them further along in the process. Unfortunately they will try and drown you with “help” when actually you feel quite well.

I just got my house in order, sat down and wrote out a manual of how to deal without me.
Made sure all my passwords were noted and all the paperwork was sorted in case the worst happened. It lifted a great weight off my shoulders so that I could focus on the whole cancer thing.

Then I just watched box sets.

Slow Horses on apple TV is a complete binge fest and there are 3 seasons.We are mid Fallout on Amazon and it is gripping but only 1 season so far. Sending love and healing your way.

The detectorists is great. Sorry for your news, something warm and fuzzy might be in order.

Ten years ago I was told I had ovarian cancer. It’s a massive shock, you just can’t believe it. You’re then faced with waiting for appointments, tests, results, follow ups. You’re also struggling to know how to tell your family. It all seems too much. However we find strength we didn’t know we had. We hang in there, we plod on and with support from the amazing staff, friends and family we suddenly find we are coping. Sending a hand hold and lots of love. xxx 💙

Just sending my best wishes. And ask your husband to come home if you need him. Today of all days he shouldn't mind

Grace and Frankie on Netflix is a must wish I could be there with you to watch again with; 16 throws, comfy jammies and 6 tubs of Ben and Jerry’s! It’s all going to be ok big hugs 🤍

I might watch again. I also really want the house

Your DH is a twat! What was so much more important?

My whole life and outlook on life has changed in an instant.

I have a treatment plan. Waiting for dates to start. I have no idea what the next 6 months will look like or endure. First thing is healthy eating, so I can help my body with what it will have to suffer with. Tomorrow and this weekend will be spent researching healthy recipes and ideas. Cutting out booze as much as I can. Proper meals. I usually just pick as and when I'm on the go. And I'm on the go a hell of a lot.

I also make the magic happen in the house. Not any more. I'm hiring a cleaner to do a full clean every 2 weeks. I'll only do superficial as needed.

Work will be fine. They really look out for their employees.

Ty for all the hugs and love xx

OP, I am so sorry and wishing you all the good energy you need right now.

Cancer Card is a wonderful charity that helps signpost and navigate support for those impacting by cancer. From support with benefits, right through to supporting with accessing insurance for holidays. They are an approved supplier with the NHS and do great work - check them out if you need any support 💐💐 https://www.cancercard.org.uk/

Sending you much love and all good wishes.

I remember the day I was told I had cancer. It was very surreal. There was no air in the room, the words seemed to hang in the air, yet at the same time, I had no idea what was being said to me. I remember going home, calling a few friends and watching tv. I still have no recollection of what I watched, or what I said. All I really remember is wanting ti rip my skin off.

It's now a just over a year later and I have finished active treatment, had one surgery and waiting on a second. Am more or less out the other side. Even so, I still don't think I've processed any of it, particularly the fact I have had cancer.

The thing I found most helpful were Macmillan. Call them first thing tomorrow. They will help you in ways you can't even begin to imagine. I would have been lost without them.

Sending loads of love your way OP, not quite in the same boat but am waiting for results for my younger brother who may have a rare type of cancer if @AskingForAFriend12 has any info would be very grateful. But don't want to derail your thread xx