New low for me , ghosted by my therapist

[HowMuchShouldBePaid]

Ive had a short course of therapy (12 sessions) 2nd time ive seen this particular therapist.

On our last session he said he didn't have any more room to see me and was fully booked untill next year. Offered links to other local therapists.

I have emailed twice 2 Weeks ago, 4 weeks ago) asking if he would reserve space for next year. No response.

I emailed from another account and got a response within 12,hours . Offering a trail session etc etc

I was going to therapy due to low self esteem and my "voice not being heard". ,seems even my therapist can ignore my voice 😔

Why ghost me , that just seems really unprofessional.

FFS I'm going to need therapy for my therapy !!

I agree he should be reported. The BACP take complaints very seriously, he’s not been following their ethical framework and as a member, he damn well should be.

I agree with @Biancobianca that it might not be as personal as you think it is.

Therapist could be thinking well as my masters was in eating disorders and panic attacks then I'm going to take 80% clients from this column and ........... you get the picture. They have their own plans. Their own area of interest.

I am sensitive to rejection too @HowMuchShouldBePaid and that's down to my parents. They just weren't that into me as the saying goes. We had a superficial relationship so long as i reflected back their view of themselves but the moment I tried to communicate something important to them, they DARVO'd me and I've been getting some form of the silent treatment ever since (which they deny apparently it's just my perception that they're giving me the silent treatment! So I get it. Rejections hurt.

I think progress can take a long time and that's normal.

I had over a couple of years , may be over three years , 2 sets of 12 sessions , so 24 in total

He could be giving it up, he could be concentrating on a specific area.
He might have started fancying you.

Who knows?

Don’t take it personally.
He tried to let you down gently and gave you others numbers.

Move on.

But he didn’t lie. He explained he hadn’t space until next year. Emailing him from a different account is not okay.

Jesus Christ, do you really think the OP needed this judgy sermon from you?

100%

makes no sense if you are in need of therapy to wait literally months just to see him. This is a dependency.

I can not afford it till next year anyway so seemed , to me, like a good idea if I had to wait untill next year then I might as well go back to someone who ",knew" me

This ⬆️

He has completed his contract of 12 sessions with you - he does not have availability for you right now - this maybe because he needs to reflect and learn from the experience. He may well have availability for new people especially if they have different issues they wish to work through. I would absolutely not see you again if you sent emails from a fake account. You need to accept that providing therapy can be difficult and can take alot of emotion/ skill/ risk taking- your therapist was at the end of what they could offer and they have been clear on that. A new therapist specialising in a different model of therapy maybe useful for you. It maybe better than what you have now - take this opportunity to branch out and explore new approaches.

Of course he should.
He is being completely unethical and dangerous IMO.

For me I prefer the truth , not second guessing ,did my email get though ? , is he unwell ? etc

Did you email him to say, “Hi, I’ve sent a couple of emails and haven’t had a response. I’m unsure whether they’ve been received. Could you please confirm?” Did you call his office to check? Or just go straight to making a fake account?

TBH even if he was very sick or taking time out to be with a sick loved one, or going through a personal crisis, it’s not really your business unless he decides to inform all his patients via an out-of-office reply.

I think you’ve fixated on this unnecessarily and that might be a clue as to why he wanted to move on. You had a list of alternative therapists, you didn’t need to go to the extent of making up a fake account.

He did lie. He said he didn't have space until the new year but then ignored emails asking to pre-book sessions in the new year. And then his response to the fake email suggests that he does have space.

Taking on a new client, is different from giving a previous client another block of therapy.
He's already given you 24 sessions. He has offered further session(s) in the new year. He's behaving appropriately. He is being sensible in giving you space and time, to use your newly found skills, which hopefully the therapeutic process has given you.
If you don't feel the 24 sessions have helped, then It's most likely his interventions haven't been the right ones for you.
You may be better off finding a Solution Focused Brief Therapist, or similar who can give you the confidence to be heard.

He did lie. He said he didn't have space until the new year but then ignored emails asking to pre-book sessions in the new year

This , at this point it would have been professional to reply "I don't feel we should continue ........". That would be fine , the client / therapist relationship doesn't continue for many ,many reasons ,all very valid

He has offered further session(s) in the new year

No, no he hasn't , that's the whole point

You are correct OP. The man has been totally unprofessional.
Please don't let him knock your confidence x

He is not dangerous! Don’t be so dramatic. He may work in a situation where the therapists offer a block of 12 sessions which the OP had finished. He he then has to offer 12 sessions to a new client who has been waiting.

Whether "attached" or not - and being attached to a therapist is seen as a necessary and good thing in many types of therapy - of course it's reasonable for the OP to want to continue with the same therapist. He knows her back story, has spent hours learning about her. People keep the same dentist and hairdresser for years, why shouldn't they continue to work with the same therapist?

Oh okay, I read that him saying he had spaces in the new year was him saying he could look at further appointments then; and in the meantime if you needed support he'd give you details of another therapist.

Please don't tell me how/how not to be.
He is dangerous as this could have affected the OP or anyone vulnerable in his care. It could have been the last straw.
He has not been honest with her and that is the crux of the matter. It has undermined their whole 'relationship'.

Dangerous is right - no therapist should ever cause harm to anyone else, which is what he seems to have done to the OP. We’ll never know of course, but he lied to the OP so he’s probably lied to other clients too.

I think you've had some good responses on this thread @HowMuchShouldBePaid. And while I don't want to comment too much on your issue at hand, I do want to kindly advise you to really prioritise your ASD assessment. I think if you were to even put the money by that you do for therapy (which you acknowledge is important and something that is just for 'you') and save for a private assessment, if it is to diagnose ASD or another type of neurodiversity, then that could really pay dividends.

I can sense that you are absolutely devastated by this turn of events and you are obviously feeling an enormous amount of pain. If you are neurodiverse then rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD) is a common experience for people with ASD and/or ADHD for example. This is in no way to minimise your feelings, or indeed to make a diagnosis, but, it is a very real thing and one that can cause enormous pain and anxiety. It can also be anticipated, insofar as 'I know this person is going to hurt me', 'I know this person is lying', 'I know this person is going to let me down'. Please have a read about it. It may or may not resonate.

On that basis I really would prioritise an assessment. Knowing if you are neurodiverse can then inform what type of therapy is best for you. I see people upthread have been really dismissive of CBT for example, but this can be really useful for people who are experiencing heightened levels of distress due to neurodiversity. I also think, that without an assessment, you could continue in a protracted cycle of therapy without really getting anywhere. And it would be a bad therapist who continues to take your money when it really be psychological help that you need. I'm not going to comment on how this therapist handled it but please, please try and expedite an assessment so that you can move forward and make life a little easier.

I will look for another therapist, as I can't afford to block book untill next year then hopefully I'll find someone with space

@HowMuchShouldBePaid that therapist is not right for you, find another one.

Its not your loss but theirs, pls remember that.

Sending you the best of luck finding someone who supports you in your transformation. X

But you are assuming everything the op has said is exactly how it happened? How do you know what really happened?