New low for me , ghosted by my therapist

[HowMuchShouldBePaid]

Ive had a short course of therapy (12 sessions) 2nd time ive seen this particular therapist.

On our last session he said he didn't have any more room to see me and was fully booked untill next year. Offered links to other local therapists.

I have emailed twice 2 Weeks ago, 4 weeks ago) asking if he would reserve space for next year. No response.

I emailed from another account and got a response within 12,hours . Offering a trail session etc etc

I was going to therapy due to low self esteem and my "voice not being heard". ,seems even my therapist can ignore my voice 😔

Why ghost me , that just seems really unprofessional.

FFS I'm going to need therapy for my therapy !!

How will getting ,if I do indeed get it,a diagnosis of ASD /ADHD help ?

That is not the way a therapist should deal with that situation at all. The therapist has lied to her and then effectively ghosted her. WTF?

If a therapist feels like they can't carry on with that person they should explain why (not lie) and direct the person to other potential therapists who may be appropriate.

OP - this isn't you, it's them and it sounds like you've dodged a bullet really as the therapist is not acting very professionally or appropriately.

Hi OP. All of this is a bit off. Your therapist’s management of the situation and what your requesting of him.

with the nature of therapy it isn’t really appropriate to expect a therapist to reserve a place for the next year. By all means ask but he should really be saying that to you and managing your expectations. If he wants to work with you then he should be saying ‘I can’t reserve in advance but get in contact nearer the time and I would be happy to work with you if my availability allows’.

Is there any necessity for you to be in contact with him right now? If he understands that you will be using the next 9 months to save and he’s let you know he won’t have any availability until the new year what is it you’re asking of him? Are you concerned that he doesn’t really want to work with you so you are seeking reassurance?

He may have lied about current availability but it’s irrelevant from the point of view that you cannot afford therapy now anyway. it obviously is an issue for you about whether he’s trustworthy. Can I ask whether you are in contact with him in between sessions? By email or phone call. Because that is also not really appropriate and him saying his availability isn’t until the new year may be have been a misguided way of putting in a boundary with you.

You do realise that being a therapist is just a job right. Doesn't automatically make one a better person than anyone else.

I have quite a bit of experience in this field and I agree with you.

By saying he didn’t have availability he was implying that he was busy. It seems that was not entirely true.

It is entirely reasonable that he no longer wants to work with you. That’s not the issue, in my opinion.

However, as a professional with a duty of care, he should have explained why he felt you would now be better suited with a different practitioner and not copped out.

Leave it now and move on.

I am.moving on , I would not go back to him now anyway ,

Because i choose to beleive what she has said. Why start a thread about it otherwise and ask for advice?

There could be other explanations which explains why he has space for a trial session but not for you . Eg he might be looking for someone who wants a shorter or longer piece of work, he might be looking to balance out his case load differently eg more or less people with a certain condition, wanting to utilise other approaches etc.
He might just have struggled to communicate that he didn't feel like another course of therapy together would have been useful. Obviously this is down to not good communication but there are a number of ways of seeing the situation.

OP please don't think that your therapist didn't want to listen to you, although I can quite understand why you are sensitive to that possibility.

There are likely to be other reasons. For instance, he may have found out that you know someone who is also a client of his, but he wouldn't have been able to tell you that for reasons of their confidentiality. He may find your particular issues triggering and think you would be better with a different therapist. He may have had a bereavement or be ill but doesn't want to share that with you as many therapists don't like sharing their personal business.

The key thing is that he is not the right therapist for you. I would go on the BACP website, Psychology Today or Counselling Directory and speak on the phone to a few therapists, making sure they feel they could deal with your issue before even committing to more sessions.

Good luck.

I think knowing the cause of certain struggles can be really helpful because:

• it validates that certain things are genuinely harder, not because we are weak or stupid or lazy but because of neurodiversity
• we can seek out specialised treatment providers with the right expertise
• we can find online community, people who get us
• we can find materials and advice by people who've faced the same struggles.

In addition, the formal diagnosis can open doors to certain funding, e.g. for support in the workplace, and if it's ADHD, for medication.

Because hair dressing, dentistry and seeing the same GP, is a very different relationship to therapies. We have very strict guidelines about when it's time to discharge patients or refer them on to other services / colleagues.
Technically we used to be able to put clients on review (ie have a break in the therapeutic process, and then if needed offer further appointments), however new guidelines, now recommend a discharge from the service. It doesn't mean a client can't be reviewed at a later date, but it's about best practice. (Obviously some types of counselling may not follow these guidelines; but a professional belonging to recognised regulatory body probably would).

As I said earlier, honesty has to be part of the therapeutic relationship. It’s not about one profession being better than another one.

Being a therapist means you should have received training and signed up to certain ethical standards.

In the same way that we should be able to particularly trust childcare workers to protect children. They are not automatically better people, but they are trained and have a professional code of practice.

That is why you pay for a registered therapist, not just a man off the street.

I'm not sure what you mean by this. There are not guidelines that say you have to stop seeing clients after a certain number of sessions. Many therapists who work under ethical frameworks of regulatory bodies offer open-ended counselling.

There may be particular counselling services that only offer a limited number of sessions, but that is down to that service, presumably due to funding, not down to their regulatory body.

Yes. My sister has been seeing the same therapist (an extremely qualified psychologist with high level EMDR and other certifications) for five years. She pays for it.

Because if it is the case that you are neurodiverse, then in all likelihood, taking a retrospective look at your life may provoke a big 'Ohhhhh! That's why this has happened/that's why I find this hard/No wonder I have struggled with this' moment. It can be a heady mix of painful and liberating.

Executive functioning in someone with a neurodiversity can be vastly different to someone who is neurotypical with heightened emotions/reactions, difficulty with everyday things that other people seem to 'get' and all sorts of things. It can lead to real issues with anxiety and self esteeem.

If you are going for the diagnosis it may also be useful to get some specialised counselling beforehand into what what a diagnosis has meant for you/means for you/what it will mean going forward.

This could be really transformative for you from a wellbeing perspective so getting those answers could then provide you with sourcing really prescriptive therapy to suit your exact needs.

Yes but there are reasons as I explained above why you may withold the reason why you cannot continue to see the client.

💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻well done OP.
Your voice has been heard....it's very much been heard on here.
Wishing you all the best with growing your confidence and continuing to be heard.

There is one positive you can take from this you know what a bad therapist sounds like. It's a shame your last therapist retired. Don't give up you will find a good therapist. Next time make sure they don't just take your money and they do want to work with you.

Is he registered the the BACP? I would consider reporting him. There are various circumstances where it is recommended to end sessions with an individual but it is vitally important to ensure the client doesn’t feel they are the cause for the sessions ending.

Good for you. He has behaved really unprofessionally. You can find someone much better.

A great post for the OP 👏

I understand that. I have never known a professional to ghost a client they would normally send an email or call explaining they can no longer continue the sessions. It is unprofessional especially when they take your money. If it was me I would leave a review about his professionalism.

Maybe he didn't think it was a good fit/is providing therapy for someone he's realised you know/was attracted to you?

OP I'm so sorry you been treated in a disingenuous manner by a person with whom you've been extremely emotionally and mentally vulnerable. It was totally unprofessional of the therapist to lie. I can completely understand (and I would absolutely as well) feeling shit on realising that the therapist with whom you've spent months building a relationship of trust with appeared to not want you as his client anymore.

I would have felt very personal rejection. And it would have been a hit to my self-esteem too. It is very difficult with LSE to open up and be vulnerable as you leave yourself open to hurt, which is frightening and anxiety provoking and the hurt from place of trust can lead to...low self-esteem. It can be a nasty circle.

I get it. I hope you find a much better therapist!!

If it was NHS, sometimes they are concerned about 'success rates' they have targets. Budgets have to justified. Is this really doing any good? Etc etc. A new therapist may look better on paper with numbers, as it's not a 'continuation'. But I don't really know. I do know that some months after I finished mine (I only got 12 sessions) I was sent an invitation to explain why I felt my therapy was 'successful'! By successful I assume they meant feeling a bit more positive and not having anymore sessions...but I didn't even know at the time you were allowed to request more sessions or I certainly would have requested more!

💐💐 And hugs

((Ps. There's a series on Apple TV, Presumed Innocent, and interestingly there's a clip where the therapists says she cannot continue seeing everyone in the family, only the son or the wife alone, or the wife needs to find a separate therapist, but not her. She also explains why. It's fiction and overall not a great depiction of a RL therapist, but nonetheless, THAT level of transparency is what is required of a therapist. It was a well done scene. I'll try and dig it up))