New low for me , ghosted by my therapist

[HowMuchShouldBePaid]

Ive had a short course of therapy (12 sessions) 2nd time ive seen this particular therapist.

On our last session he said he didn't have any more room to see me and was fully booked untill next year. Offered links to other local therapists.

I have emailed twice 2 Weeks ago, 4 weeks ago) asking if he would reserve space for next year. No response.

I emailed from another account and got a response within 12,hours . Offering a trail session etc etc

I was going to therapy due to low self esteem and my "voice not being heard". ,seems even my therapist can ignore my voice 😔

Why ghost me , that just seems really unprofessional.

FFS I'm going to need therapy for my therapy !!

I will be brutally honest maybe he did tell you and you didn't listen you now move on and stop coming across too intense you are sounding more dramatic as you post

If you don't want to be thought of as a stalker then stop it now

My first "piss off" tbh

Yes the world is full of liars. But therapists have a professional duty of care.

It's like the difference between a pickpocket targeting you in the street Vs a hospital doctor stealing your wallet.

I am a very "black and white" person , my therapist knew this , of all the people to be super clear with me it was him.

If you were very, unhealthily attached to him he might have felt the need to lie to end the connection and let you move on. The fake email was manipulative and deceitful even if you feel it was reasonable in terms of what you wanted to achieve for yourself.

Therapists aren't your friend - they're as obliged to spend time with you as your hairdresser.

With respect you are also making no progress in this thread you are still spiralling around the same fixation.
You've had lots of very balanced opinions from all viewpoints and hopefully some of it resonates with you
Good luck OP I hope you do find the help you want

I will ask any possible future therapists to be very clear with me , start the relationship off on the right foot

Two posters actually brought up PD/Eupd… I was simply providing information based on OPs own description of black and white thinking and not knowing what they were.

she replied that she doesn’t want to diagnose her mental health so I have not provided any further view on that as requested

I can't believe the number of people that say 'maybe he lied to protect OP'. It's wrong on so many levels. If he lied I'd assume it was for reasons to do with him and not OP. I almost never buy lying as a means to do someone a favour unless it's to a child who shouldn't be exposed to certain truths.

This is me somewhat projecting so may or may not be helpful.

I actually admire your persistence / ingenuity at emailing from a different account, slightly obsessive yes. But at least you identified that for some reason he is not working with you at this time.

I'm going to chuck a few things out there.

You don't really know the picture in regards to trial sessions. I suspect therapists offer a lot of these and the conversion rate is quite low due to timing, due to the client changing their mind etc. It may not be as personal as you think. These trial sessions may rarely turn into business for months at a time.

You don't really know why he didn't reply in a more personalised way. It could well be kinder than you think. He may feel he wasn't able to help you and you're better off with someone else. I imagine it's also a conversation that he has had with a supervisor as to whether it's ethical to continue.

All of these things above aren't in your control. To use some counselling / CBT approaches on this, you could decide I don't know but what I can control is how I view this disappointment. Think back to something that seemed very important 10 years ago. Is it now? Did it turn out OK in the end? I'm sure you have good and bad examples. It's possible that you will go on to find a better therapist for you. Or decide to take a break from it. The saying goes when one door closes another opens.

Can you feel kindness and compassion to yourself and kindness and compassion to the therapist?

Lastly not that many therapists are trained in neurodiversity. It sounds like you may have a little bit of that going on (hyperfixating, over thinking, rejection sensitivity, ruminating), I am neurodiverse too. Some therapists will be able to say we've been talking about this for a while now, I'm thinking there may be something else going on for you, have you considered whether you might be neurodiverse and direct you to some online resources or books to read and see if it resonates. And others don't have the skills or training unfortunately.

I strongly suspect, but not diagnosis, as ASD, currently awaiting assessment.

PGDip,UKCP,BACP,BPC

He should know better. It was very poor form of him to lie to you. Please don't let this stop the work you are doing on yourself
Finding the person who is right for you is a process, too.

That is incredibly unprofessional and cowardly of him.
If he didn't wish to work with you anymore, no matter how difficult that conversation may have been, he should have explained why.
In a position of trust like that, it is never okay to lie.
I don't care what any previous posts said about trying to protect your MH/ "he just doesn't have availability he didn't lie".
No, he did lie. And he has a responsibility NOT to lie.

If I were you, I would report him.
This sort of thing is incredibly damaging to people who are already vulnerable.
I'm sorry this has happened to you.

He DID tell you that he wasn't going to see you again. But you didn't listen. Offering links to other therapists means it's over, the end.

On our last session he said he didn't have any more room to see me and was fully booked untill next year. Offered links to other local therapists.

It may be that the therapist didn't have the capacity to renew sessions with you as he thinks you need longer term work that he wasn't able to commit to. It also might be that he hasn't got the capacity to meet your level of need or type of therapy you need alongside other clients. Explaining this to you might not have been possible due to confidentiality or his own personal boundaries. He could also be unprofessional. Did I read correctly that you have EUPD? If so general talking therapy isn't always helpful as it can cause you to ruminate. Other types can be better. I would try and work on accepting that he isn't replying rather than focusing on why

If he has been honest and said, “sorry, I can’t see you anymore”. Would you have then wanted to know why? Would this have then led to more questions. Maybe he suspects ASD but can’t just throw that out there? Maybe he doesn’t feel qualified enough.

It may seem that I am just going in circles but (possible ASD here ) I reiterated the point "he lied" whey others kept saying "he didn't lie" , he did lie, maybe to protect me , who knows, but it was a lie , from a profession who's actual job it to be truthful.

For me it like saying the sky is green when I know it's blue

He DID tell you that he wasn't going to see you again. But you didn't listen. Offering links to other therapists means it's over, the end.

But he didn’t. He told her he has no availability until next year.

Eupd , don't even know what this is , think a pp suggest it

I am understanding this a bit differently.

From what I've read, you booked 12 sessions each time, a year apart.

All ok, but that would have meant the sessions had a natural time-span, in other words, it wasn't an open ended therapy relationship, but a time limited one where it came to a natural end after 12 sessions.

It may have been that he wasn't expecting you to then want to continue immediately, and this only came up afterwards when you emailed him, and so the opportunity to work through the issue of the ending didn't present itself in therapy, which is why he told a white lie (perhaps) about availability.

I don't think it's the same as him terminating an ongoing open ended therapy relationship.

He doesn't want to start another 12 sessions with you right now and thinks you would benefit from other therapists.

I have also found therapists sometimes offer a taster session, but then don't have much availability or only very specific like Tue between 6-7pm or something he knew wouldn't suit you. I don't know why they do this.

It sounds to me like he felt the 12 sessions were coming to a natural end and so the opportunity to discuss the ongoing relationship was missed a bit, and so it was easier to just say he had no availability.

He didn't handle this perfectly but I think it's a stretch to say he lied or ghosted you, he left it at the natural end this time around and then didn't want to negotiate a continuing relationship.

This is such a helpful post.
I think what I am hearing is that you needed a very clear ‘yes or no’ from him and his ambiguity feels like a deception.
Totally understandable. I expect it made you feel very vulnerable.
I hope you have a therapist in the future who can respect your communication needs better. X

He DID tell you that he wasn't going to see you again. But you didn't listen. Offering links to other therapists means it's over, the end.

It doesn't "mean" that , that's a possible inference,

"I don't feel able to help you further ......"

Thats clear

So many gaslighters on this thread. The therapist's reasons for ending the sessions are not the issue, as legitimate as they might be. The fact that he lied is a breach of trust, it's unprofessional and it has backfired. I would consider reporting him too.

Many thanks for the posters who "got" where I'm coming from.

I think the OP said that she had a course of 12 sessions and he saw her for 2 of those. We don’t know how the therapy went though. He may have felt she was forming too strong an attachment to him?