I am going to be the companion from hell on this holiday

[Plasticfoot]

Stop me!

I'm a fairly experienced mountain walker, something I did a lot with DH until he died. I haven't been since.

This summer, a group of my fittest friends have decided to climb a big one. They're fit, it's well within their capabilities, but I don't think they realise quite how hard it will be and they don't know mountains.

I'm really struggling to convince them about the kit they'll need, or the planning the route needs, the fact that the weather (visibility) matters or that navigation isnt just a matter of following the path. Some are even talking about taking beer up with them.

I've done this mountain a couple of times before, a tough challenge but straightforward in good weather. People die on it though and I've turned back when the weather turned, as it does in the mountains.

I can already feel I'm getting on people's nerves. I know I do worry, but there are reasons for that.

Currently I'm trying to tell them we can't fix a certain day for the climb, we'll need to look at the weather forecast closer to the time and be ready to go next day, if it looks OK, which seems normal to me and will make for a safer, more enjoyable trip. No one's getting it. I'm getting frustrated and they think I'm being bossy and overdramatic.

OP has already said it is not a commonly-climbed mountain. There are 282 mountains classed as Munros in Scotland - over 3000 feet. Some like Ben Lomond yes there is heavy traffic in summer months. Others are definitely less explored and in areas where mobile signals can be patchy.

'I'm sorry, but this is too risky for me. I genuinely don't think you all understand just how badly things can go wrong and how quickly, and I don't want to be left managing a dangerous situation. I'm sure you understand, but I'm not going to be climbing this mountain with you all.'

I think they would listen to me if they really needed me. It worries me that by that point the group might be too spread for them to hear me or that by then it will be too late re kit etc. I.e. I need them to understand we need to keep within earshot, which is not far on a windy mountain.

Stop being a martyr! Don’t go on the trip,I am exhausted just reading your posts,not worth the mental trauma for you.Let the group go without you,especially as it is an activity you did with your late husband,I think you are under estimating how emotional it will be for you.

All of this. We had snow on the summits only a few weeks ago. I live near a very popular mountain range and every month there’s some twat gone for a jolly up one of the hills without the proper gear. There was 28 deaths on our hills last year, some experienced some not experienced or prepared for the very changeable conditions. I’ve seen folk brought down in shorts and flip flops - utter madness. The summit heights range from 3136 feet to 3707 feet where I am, it’s often sunny and warm at the bottom but bitterly cold at the summits. MR are out most weeks here, the weekend was awful with people getting crag fast and having to be rescued. I become increasingly irritated at people’s stupidity when it comes to the mountains, especially as DH is MR.

So they think you’re a worry wort for trying to convey the basics of preparedness, kit and behaviour? Yeah, it’s not sounding good is it.

It sounds like they have a different notion of this week away than you do, given they want to plan other activities. You are seeing this as a week to achieve this climb; they are seeing it as a week away during which they’ll try to climb this peak.

Go with it. Do the other activities they want. And, when the day of the climb rolls round, if the weather’s inclement, ditch the climb. If it’s good, do it and let them suffer the consequences of their ill-preparedness.

I think the friction is coming from mismatched expectations of this holiday.

Sorry for the loss of your DH. If you do climb, in a group with friends might be a nice way to do your first one without him.

Hi OP,

I understand what you mean. I grew up in Scotland and we used to see the mountain deaths being announced on the weather forecast quite regularly. They were always English folks who just didn't understand the risks.

Have you considered booking with a specialist holiday provider who would manage your friends for you?

There are companies that organise Gold Duke of Edinburgh's Award hikes who could probably help you with this kind of thing.

FWIW, I don't think you should go with these people if they are going to get you into danger. There will be other events and other people that you can go with, and getting yourself stuck in a cloud on top of a munro (I've been there) is not going to make your life any nicer.

Good luck there.

Why go? If I know more about something than someone and they won’t listen and it endangers them and/or me I’d wish them luck and drop out.

I don’t understand how you’d get any pleasure from a trip under these circumstances.

This is why Mountain Rescue exist half the time!
To rescue ill prepared ignoramuses that climb in shorts and trainers or heels and think they are the next Edmund Hilary.

It's not just their lives they are putting at risk by being ill-prepared but other walkers/climbers who come to the aid of someone or the Mountain Rescue volunteers who put their lives on the line to rescue idiots who don't or won't listen to sensible advice.

The person on here from another, more mountainous, country who can't believe people can get into difficulties and die on mountains in the UK is a case in point that people don't take it seriously enough.

If you are going up anything more than a gentle fell with paths and car parks dotted around you should treat the situation as if you were in the Alps or climbing Everest. It is always better to be over prepared for something than under prepared.

Even the most experienced and well prepared can come grief, but at least if you listen to the advice of someone more experienced and have the correct kit you can mitigate the risk.

If, on the day, weather reports are bad just don't go. It is madness and foolhardy to deliberately put yourself (and others) in danger just to climb a mountain. It will still be there next week/month/year, but will you?

I don’t think you should go

I grew up in the lakes and people were always coming up and misjudging the difficulty of the hills. They may understand when mountain rescue get called out and they’re embarrassed! It’s ok for people not to know the risks, but I think it’s pretty stupid that they won’t take advice from someone who’s done it before. I agree with previous posters, don’t go if you’re not comfortable. It sounds like they might be too proud and take too many risks.

There is lots of stupidity out there. "A young woman who was discovered on Ben Nevis crying because her feet were sore, after she attempted an ascent of the mountain in flip flops"

https://www.pressandjournal.co.uk/fp/news/highlands-islands/1786458/woman-criticised-online-after-climbing-ben-nevis-in-flip-flops/

Don't go with them. Your first trip after losing your DH (I'm very sorry xx) needs to be with people who make you feel safe, not on edge.

This. Could it be that this whole worry is because you are realising how much security you got from being with your experienced DH, and how insecure you (understandably) feel without him?

If you do go would it give you the confidence that you DO have the experience and know how to do these things without him?

If you can map read and navigate, and you have your secret weapons of 'Mist forecast, we don't want to walk with no view' etc, and they are actually fit, could you relax a bit?

They are not only ignorant, but too arrogant to learn. The OP will possibly die trying to save one or more of them. Don't go.

I've done this mountain a couple of times before, a tough challenge but straightforward in good weather. People die on it though and I've turned back when the weather turned, as it does in the mountains.

I walk in the Lake District only on fine-ish days (as I walk alone). It's pretty straightforward. If you take your Wainwright with you, there is lots of information about getting off fells in the mist.

As I walk alone, I don't do Striding Edge or Sharp Edge (I did Blencathra the looooong way, and also Helvellyn, and Skiddaw). I haven't done Scafell or Scafell Pike, again, I'll wait till I can do those in company.

But thse are all straightforward if you're sensible. And I'd second or third the suggestion of a trial walk - the Fairfield Horseshoe is pretty easy in terms of navigation, and you get a sense of the height. Or go from Grisedale Tarn up Dollywaggon Pike and on to Helvellyn. Many of these fells are like bloody motorways on a good day in the summer!

It sounds like they're taking it seriously enough. You know that the hilltop weather forecast will also give detailed information about conditions.

Of course, completely ignore this if it's not Cumbria you're walking!

I have seen people set off to climb mountains when it is foggy at the bottom! Yes mountain rescue were called out.
If I was you I would go away for the week, but say you are going to drop out of this climb. You can say that you think it will be too emotional still to do it without your DH. It does not matter if they don't quite believe you. And then ignore all the talk about the climb, let them get on with it.

OP, because they are erm fit and run marathons, they think they are invincible. But you're right.
I'm having the opposite problem with a mate - she been hiking loads. And we want to do a 6 hour, 10 mile route. I'm really worried about getting stuck in the rain, lost etc and she's perfectly chilled. Hasn't done any extra prep or waved away my saying we need a map etc.

I'm thinking of cancelling, maybe she just doesn't want to do it but is too chicken to say so.

oooo @purplevipersgrass that is reassuring. I may have to pick a solidly fine day on a weekend, and see if I can follow the crowds (with my Wainwright of course).

Possibly also because I'm worried about how I'll cope being back in the mountains for the first time without him.

OP I was reluctant to suggest this, but I do think you could 'use' your husband's death to back out gracefully without having to make it anyhting to do with their unwillingness to take advice. Just say that as it gets nearer the time it's getting more and more upsetting.

I suspect that they won't listen to you but, as the experienced climber, they will blame you if there are any problems.

If they squawk when you pull out you'll know that they exepct you to take all the responsibilty without giving you any of the respect for your experience.

OP you’re being sensible. I live in the Highlands and we sadly see a lot of, even very experienced, walkers being lost or killed on the mountains. The weather can change very quickly and there are lots of steep edges that can be difficult to navigate, especially if there’s a sudden change in the weather. Fail to prepare, prepare to fail. The poor people planning to hike in running gear may be in for a shock! I also think taking alcohol is a bad idea.

They're going to do what the're going to do.

I think you need to step back either literally or figuratively.

I'm desperate to know which mountain it is! Tryfan, Cader Idris, Crib Goch??

LOL - if you just followed people and didn't look at the map you might just as easily have ended up on Great Gable ;)

I'm not suggesting you didn't know where you were - but I have spoken to people on summits who thought they were on an entirely different fell.