I am going to be the companion from hell on this holiday

[Plasticfoot]

Stop me!

I'm a fairly experienced mountain walker, something I did a lot with DH until he died. I haven't been since.

This summer, a group of my fittest friends have decided to climb a big one. They're fit, it's well within their capabilities, but I don't think they realise quite how hard it will be and they don't know mountains.

I'm really struggling to convince them about the kit they'll need, or the planning the route needs, the fact that the weather (visibility) matters or that navigation isnt just a matter of following the path. Some are even talking about taking beer up with them.

I've done this mountain a couple of times before, a tough challenge but straightforward in good weather. People die on it though and I've turned back when the weather turned, as it does in the mountains.

I can already feel I'm getting on people's nerves. I know I do worry, but there are reasons for that.

Currently I'm trying to tell them we can't fix a certain day for the climb, we'll need to look at the weather forecast closer to the time and be ready to go next day, if it looks OK, which seems normal to me and will make for a safer, more enjoyable trip. No one's getting it. I'm getting frustrated and they think I'm being bossy and overdramatic.

Is it a climb with ropes etc or a walk? Albeit a challenging one. I did all the Lake District peaks with my family as a teenager, we did Ben Nevis and snowdon as well. Only did half of Ben Nevis as it was too hard on the day. We didn't overly plan, were just sensible and adapted to the situation on the day.

You really do sound over zealous. They're not your children, you're not a teacher in charge. Adults should be allowed to enjoy a mountain walk and be responsible enough to assess the risks themselves. If you don't feel safe then don't go but don't put yourself in charge and ruin it for everyone else.

This is why my friend who's on our local mountain rescue team refers to the most popular mountain she gets called out to as 'Flip-Flop Mountain'. Some people are just woefully unprepared and go up in the most ridiculous kit.

They die on Welsh mountains, the die jn the Lake District, Pennines.
I second pulling out of the trip. The are not taking it seriously, possibly at great cost to themselves
Just leave them to get on with it

I would make sure I had what equipment I needed and get on with it myself if the conditions are right

I don't see a need to lecture others though

They absolutely do, my friends mum, an incredibly experienced walker sadly died a couple of months ago as well as another two walkers in the same week, it was warm conditions a. OP don't go with them, you'll possibly be making decisions and compromises you wouldn't usually. They don't seem knowledgeable or smart enough to heed advice from someone who is. don't put yourself through the stress, especially when it all goes a bit wrong because they didn't plan properly and suddenly they are looking to you to fix it when you're all in a jam.

Mostly by getting lost in cloud. The weather is very changeable and can still be zero degrees, plus windchill, in summer on the tops.

I've just sent them what I think is a very sensible article about how to prepare for our specific trip, and asked them to settle my nerves by reading it. I'll see what the response is.

I think you will not enjoy it OP so I would get political covid and let the whole thing drop.

Chances are they will come out of it unscathed and you will look like an idiot even though you are 100% correct.

Is the actual issue that they don’t care as much about going up this mountain as you do?

Sounds like a group holiday, and you’re trying to structure the whole trip around this walk: a preparatory climb, leaving days open to pick the best day etc.

Maybe they just want to pick a day and - if the weather is terrible - go to the pub instead?

Many of the deaths are from avoidable falls but for the others, they take exactly that view - that UK weather is never that extreme - so they go up the mountain wearing light summer clothing and unsuitable shoes. They then get lost on the mountain (because bad weather hits) and get soaked to the skin with no way of getting down because they have no compass and either can’t read the map or don’t have one.

Summer overnight temperatures may not be freezing but they can drop below 10 degrees. Several such in a row with no food / no proper way of obtaining water can be lethal. It’s rare but it does happen.

But surely the experienced hiker didn't expect the other one to do a hike of 20k if she's not used to it?

No absolutely not, it's their trip, that I've joined, not the other way round. One man set it up specifically to do this climb and others have joined.

I am sorry about you loss.

I honestly do think that you should back out of this. There is every chance this can go wrong and I hate to say it but there is a good chance that this will fall back on you as you were the experienced person. I would loss the holiday otherwise there could be a falling out with this friend group.

They will be grand. They will probably do a bit of research closer to the time and figure it out. Leave them off, go next time with them.

I had a very near miss a few years ago, in hot weather at a relatively low altitude because I ran out of water, got disoriented and could no longer navigate. You only need to make one stupid error, even in the UK. I also refused to take a friend up Snowdon once, until they went back to the town and bought a set of waterproofs! It rained on that trip, and I ended up loaning my first aid kit to some parents whose child had slipped on the rocks and got injured... It always seems like over-preparation, until you need the survival bag/sling/compass/head torch.

I'm on the side of refusing to go if they won't take basic precautions OP.

They organised the trip and invited you along? You don't get to hijack it insisting they read articles to settle your nerves. You're not responsible for them. Sorry to say but you sound incredibly over anxious and I'd rein it in before they're all muttering about wishing they hadn't invited you.

With regards to weather forecast, point out to them that it is much better to actually have a view when you reach the top of the mountain, instead of standing there wet and miserable, looking into a wall of fog.

I couldn't agree with this more. Very experienced hiker myself and have been on many difficult 'walks'.

We take kids with us as well since having kids. There's many we wouldnt do with kids, inexperienced hikers or thise with too much bravdo. The planning stage is crucial, as is the correct kit and spares.

I wouldn't be going. I am a planner and need fall backs in place, plus a great first aid kit. Definitely absolutely wouldn't be going if someone was bringing booze with them or even planning to drink the night before.

Is it Aonach Beag or Sacfell Pike? Both of those kicked the literal shit out of me.

I’m sorry to hear about your husband, please accept my condolences. However can I ask if this is affecting your attitude?
I recently went away with a group of friends one who has experienced some bad times.
She spent the whole holiday fussing and fretting about every little detail which actually got very irritating in the end. We are all grown ups, not stupid and have done this sort of thing before.
You say your friends are very fit, can you not try and stand back a little and ask questions rather than take over as the expert?

No, it's not like that, they invite me because I do the leg work for them 😆 We've been on lots of trips together before.

I don't think you should go. If anything happens you will the one trying to explain why you didn't properly alert everyone to the risks. You can't be the expert without compliance.

Is it Blencathra via Sharp Edge? If it is I can see why you are nervy. My friend is an experienced fell runner and went up there and got caught in a white out. it was sunny in Threkeld at the bottom.

Unless you've been fell bound, with the mist setting in, you don't really know what it's like. It takes a sharp shock and a steep learning curve! I will never forget rushing off Pillar and making the decision to not come down the way we came on Black Sail pass but take a shortcut down a scree chute called Wind Gap. Horrific. Being a marathon runner doesn't prepare you for the ascent/descent difficulties you can face. My heart rate going up the nose of a steep fell this weekend was staying in the 170's - the pace is so different. Send them some YT videos of being fell bound!

I'd go but be prepared to turn around and leave them to it if the weather changes and/or they're behaving dangerously. You don't have to be Group Mum.

I get it though. We're off to the Alps next week and have a couple of easy hikes planned. DH is mildly amused at me packing a survival bag, map, compass, whistle, echo locator, first aid kit etc. He won't be laughing if, heaven forbid, we actually need any of it.

No, I absolutely wouldn't be taking them up there. It is a relatively straightforward, if physically challenging, walk in good weather, but tricky navigation in poor visibility.

Another vote here for backing out if they don’t take you seriously OP. As the most experienced you’ll end up in charge, but without any authority, which is the worst of both worlds! It may all be absolutely fine, but you’re not going to enjoy it, you’re going to stress about it every day between now and the trip, and if it all goes fine they’ll take the piss and say what were you worried about. Unless they take it seriously very quickly I can’t really see an up side for you here.