The battle to get DH out of bed in the school holidays.

[Sleepiboi]

Kids only broke up on Tuesday and I'm already annoyed with him.

Kids are teens, so sleep in when not in school. On school days DH has to drive them /collect them as we moved further away for a bigger house and transport links aren't great.

But when it comes to the holidays he just won't get out of bed.

It causes so much tension. He would happily sleep in till midday every day if I left him.

But I wake up at around 7.30am and get up to sort the animals and other stuff that needs doing and I have to go in and wake him up 7 times over the course of hours.

He doesn't seem to think it's an issue but I think it's awful to just sleep all morning, every day.

So neither of you work? What animals you need to sort, a couple of cats, or you have a full farmyard?

If you get up at 7.30 and do chores until he gets up at 1PM, he can take over all chores for the next 5 hours, and you can put your feet up.

Agreed. I would lose attraction quickly for a man who was living like this, who has a family and should be participating in the shared household. My DH works all kinds of crazy shifts and is tired a lot. On occasion he will sleep in, but I’m talking 9:30. And I get to do that some days too. Our teens are in bed just now but we’re both up and planning the day, having eaten breakfast together. It’s about partnership and an equitable relationship. Is there a reason he isn’t looking for work?

YANBU to find it unattractive but YABU to try and force him up unless there’s more of a backstory you haven’t shared.

hes a grown adult, he’s entitled to choose his own sleep schedule. You are entitled to discuss how it makes you feel but ultimately you don’t have the right to force him to do anything he doesn’t want to do. You cant make someone change their behaviour, you can only choose how you react to it. Do you want to leave him and find someone who shares your sleep schedule, or do you want to leave him to it and find a way to make your different sleep schedules work in your relationship?

I would get frustrated with this. What do you enjoy doing, if you like a nice coffee do half the jobs and go out for a few hours alone.

Is he staying up late and just on a different body clock to you or is he sleeping excessively? Is he ill, depressed? What's the reason for the unemployment, are you also unemployed?

Unless you live on a farm I really can't see why he has to be up early to do chores, most chores don't need to be done in the morning. My husband and I are on completely different body clocks but it's fine because we both do our fair share, just at different times of day.

Hold on, other than feeding animals (which I'm assuming are a couple of cats & dogs, and not a field full of sheep & cows), she hasn't actually said what these morning jobs are, and why they can't be left for him when he wakes up. We also don't know why he isn't working right now, he could be off sick, he could be between jobs, he could have retired early.

Without more context, which OP seems to be ignoring, then let the man sleep!

I get it OP. I have a similar problem. It’s bloody lonely when you don’t spend nice times together because one person is in bed half the day. They are sleeping through your relationship.

He's a teacher.

1pm every day for a grown man that is not working doesn’t sound right. And I do like a sleep in on the weekends sometimes.

Is he depressed? unwell? Lacking on some vitamins? Excercise? Motivation? I will get him to get some blood tests ? Maybe take vitamin D.

Can you all imagine the responses if a woman posted saying she didn't work, was lying in bed all morning and leaving her DH to sort out the animals and house stuff? She would be torn apart, like SAHM's are even when they have small children and dare want a lie in once a week. Some of you should expect more from men. Though I suspect you've spotted an easy target in the OP to try and belittle and none of you would tolerate your DH, who was jobless, doing the same. I hope anyway.

It would help if you weren’t so vague. Why is he in bed? Why is he not working? Does he do his fair share of chores and childcare once he is out of bed? Do you work? Are you picking up the slack because he is in bed? You’re getting such an aggy response because it’s irritating when someone clearly posts half the story but then expects everyone to side with them.

Given OP hasn't answered, I'm guessing the morning jobs are pretty minimal.

Why does he need to get up? Sounds like your DC are in bed too? If you're doing morning jobs leave the evening ones like making dinner to him

My DH is like this - we have been married 20 years. I don’t try to get him up or argue about it, he is an adult and can make his own choices. I think we will likely split up over this though when the kids leave home. Life is short, I am lonely and bored and I don’t want to spend mine like this.

He doesn’t work .

OP i don’t know why you are getting a hard time . I couldn’t live with someone who doesn’t work and lies in bed half the day .,

Idk why early people marry late people if you all hate us so much.

DH and I were both off yesterday. Our uni student dc are both home and our secondary school ones have broken up. We all got up between 10-12. Dd and I watched some tv and had breakfast together, the boys went out to the park for a bit to play football. Dh was last up and went straight out to play tennis with a pal, I did some laundry and some yoga other dd was sorting her room out and I helped her with that for a bit, dh came home and changed the beds, we met some friends and their primary aged dc after school (their last day was a Monday for some inexplicable reason) and walked for about 5miles in the national park with the dogs, we went to dunelm on the way home as dd wanted to look at stuff for her room, got home about 9pm and I cooked dinner. Dh went to work for a bit (self employed) but came back so we ate together, kids tidied the kitchen afterwards and I had a shower and got ready for bed, we watched 30 mins of a sitcom we’ve been watching together, 3 of the dc went off to their rooms at about 11-12, dh went to visit his mother, ds1 and I sat up talking about politics until about 1am and then went to bed. We could have shifted the whole day forward (except the meeting friends as their dc were still in school) but really, what would the point have been? I also don’t like walking in the middle of the afternoon in summer, I prefer to go out in the evenings.
So Dh did a couple hour of work, played tennis, went shopping, changed the beds, visited his mum, went for a walk, met friends (x2 - walking and tennis) plus we had a lovely lazy morning in bed together but he is “gross”, “really unattractive”, “euughhh” etc because he did all these things at the “wrong” time. Marry different people if you need them to run earlier.

I agree 👏👏

Why does some stuff need to be done in the morning? The day lasts for 24 hours, there are things that can be done in the afternoon, evening and at night. Some people are larks and others are night owls. If he is sleeping 18 hours a day and doing nothing useful during the other 6 that would be different but he volunteers in the afternoons, so he's up then and presumably does household jobs later in the day.

The self righteous brigade that are up at 6am everyday, annoying the hell out of everyone else who wants to sleep, but then complain when they go to bed at 9pm that they are being kept awake by the late risers really get my goat.

This guy is up early the rest of the time because he takes the kids to school, its the holidays.

I've know a couple of women like this who are up at stupid o'clock and then in bed by 7.30pm. That's fine if that's what works for them. Most people get up an hour or two before starting work, depending on travel time and what needs doing e.g. getting kids ready for school, feeding animals/walking the dogs etc. As long as everything gets done, it doesn't really matter when.

Surprised at the indulgent comments- he doesn't work! I'd be annoyed too.
I'm wondering if I'm a bitch now- it's the way I was brought up I tell you! I disapprove of lie-ins til midday because it's often then too late in the day to do anything with the day if you have little kids.
I'm taking these comments on board and will try to loosen up a bit.

I'm gonna get bashed, but so be it.
Husband significantly older, no kids, no work
(Domestic and commercial landlords).
He sleeps in happily until eleven, while I get up earlier. I cannot imagine dragging him out of bed or feel annoyed.
I understand this is a vastly different situation, however, adults:
Sort out their own life to the best suitable situation
and
Why shouldn't adults have a quiet "lie in" as do the teenagers?
It seems to me (45 yo) that being an adult is just
one massive chore. (I have been brought up in another country, very stern/abusive upbringing)
so I just appreciate what I have now.

It sounds like he needs to get a job. Is there a reason why he can't work?

Some people are owls and some are larks.

Your Dh is an owl. It’s genetically determined.

I live in a family of owls. It does my head in, I’m a robin ( in between) but l don’t wake them up. I relish the quiet.

And the deal was that if Dh slept late he got to entertain the owls in the evenings whilst l went to bed with a book.

I have similar with my retired DH, he lies in until 10/10.30 every day. And yes, he can do whatever he wants, but it does breed resentment.

Does anyone work?

@VeryHappyBunny if you have animals then some things will have to be done in the morning

Sounds like his volunteering is related to a hobby and I don’t think it has been confirmed he does do chores later in the day