The battle to get DH out of bed in the school holidays.

[Sleepiboi]

Kids only broke up on Tuesday and I'm already annoyed with him.

Kids are teens, so sleep in when not in school. On school days DH has to drive them /collect them as we moved further away for a bigger house and transport links aren't great.

But when it comes to the holidays he just won't get out of bed.

It causes so much tension. He would happily sleep in till midday every day if I left him.

But I wake up at around 7.30am and get up to sort the animals and other stuff that needs doing and I have to go in and wake him up 7 times over the course of hours.

He doesn't seem to think it's an issue but I think it's awful to just sleep all morning, every day.

My experience of people who decide that they are "owls" is that they have trouble switching screens off, and could do with a bit more self-control rather than leaning into this identity and insisting that they MUST loaf around in bed for hours.

Perhaps @Sleepiboi is busy doing jobs and not scrolling MN

But wouldn't you dump a man who didn't work and lay in bed every day until early afternoon? I certainly would

I get the fact that he's an owl, but it does get frustrating as the other half of a couple. You spend a lot of time waiting and feels as if you don't get to do anything together.

Be useful to know why neither of you works.

Do you work OP? It all seems a bit odd. Has he had his thyroid checked? He really shouldn't need to lie in until lunchtime every day. Now and then, lovely.

Yes, my experience tells me this too.

There's obviously more to this. I'm sure the reason no one seems to work is relevant to the situation.

Do neither of you work???

Do you work, OP?

What are the morning jobs that must be done?

@Justcallmebebes I would absolutely dump someone who did this, why would I stay with someone who wastes half of every day? So lazy and unattractive

DH is an owl, I've known him more than 20 years and that's always been his way. We have little kids now so he gets to bed at a vaguely reasonable hour and gets up in time to get them up and out. I do a bit more in the morning. He does more in the evening - when I'm in bed he'll be sorting the dishwasher, laundry, getting things ready for the morning. We don't do exactly the same things, but the load is split fairly.

If he wasn't working and we didn't have little kids I wouldn't begrudge him sleeping in, because he wouldn't do it on a day we had plans or anything.

Perhaps the DH resents the OP going to bed early when in his view their evening time has hardly started and he'd like to watch a movie together?

It's possible to be very happy together with differing body clocks, but it does take a bit of compromise. I don't think OP has demonstrated any real problem with her DH's routine other than she thinks it's lazy.

Why should he be her load?
Presumably there are things that need doing that are both of their responsibilities?

Genetics?
I used to be SCARED of staying up late (anxiety)
but come age of 42, I turned into a complete owl who is like a zombie in the morning!
Guess I'm both, sometimes!
😁

Perhaps, but she's also posted six times and not managed to actually describe any real problem other than she doesn't like it.

“Owls” have been around a lot longer than screens. Smartphones are relatively recent and nobody was lying in bed playing snake of their Nokia 3210.

Circadian rhythms have been extensively studied. Most humans have one that runs slightly longer than 24hours - so are natural owls. They exist across culture and species - even in insects, plants and single cell organism.

Biphasic sleep was widespread for millennia but went out with industrialisation.

I can’t imagine this as my husband is up at 5, because he finds it impossible to lie in.

However, I’d pick your battles. Finding it irritating is not reason enough to fight over it. Sounds like he’s not got much going on, so let him be.

I mean that it doesn't sound like the DH sleeping in is putting a whole load of extra stuff on OP's plate. He may well be picking up other stuff later in the day with dinner, ferrying teens etc. OP hasn't said.

ETA - if he isn't picking up other stuff, he should be. But it doesn't sound like a particularly busy household compared to many of us with two FT jobs and young DC. They should be taking advantage of that low load.

Tbh I can see the OP’s point of view! If he isn’t working or helping around the house, and just lazing in bed until late that’s not fair on you OP and that builds resentment. Can’t you get back into bed after feeding the animals?

Why can’t he just do some jobs in the afternoon? They don’t have to be done in the AM surely? With the exception of animals

let him sleep

This would actually really get on my tits.

By 9 my house is calming down for the evening - my partner pissing about doing bedding/washing/DIY and the kids having to get in to my bed would really annoy me. I wouldn’t be able to settle.

Do you not think he might be avoiding you …

that is a perfectly reasonable feeling if that's how you feel. But it's about incompatibility more than anything else. Obviously, if your Dh has been sleeping in while you've been doing all th ework of wrangling children in the mornings, that's different.

In our case, I like the house to myself in the mornings and now that the Dc often sleep in, I really enjoy pottering around in the quiet. DH feels the same about the nights. So having different schedules actually works quite well for us. Especially as we can adapt as necessary - he will get up earlier if there's a reason and I will go to bed later if there's a reason.

It is an odd one.

I dont see what the rush is in the holidays. Leave him for a layin. However rather than pick up the morning jobs yourself have a conversation on advance - agree which days he does and which says you do. Don't pick up the slack on his days though!

Why would it be “useful”? So you know whether to judge and sneer at OP or not?