The battle to get DH out of bed in the school holidays.

[Sleepiboi]

Kids only broke up on Tuesday and I'm already annoyed with him.

Kids are teens, so sleep in when not in school. On school days DH has to drive them /collect them as we moved further away for a bigger house and transport links aren't great.

But when it comes to the holidays he just won't get out of bed.

It causes so much tension. He would happily sleep in till midday every day if I left him.

But I wake up at around 7.30am and get up to sort the animals and other stuff that needs doing and I have to go in and wake him up 7 times over the course of hours.

He doesn't seem to think it's an issue but I think it's awful to just sleep all morning, every day.

Without knowing a bit of background it's difficult to know if it's a problem. Obviously, for you it is, but does he work hard in the term time, a teacher ?
Or is he just being lazy?
Is he likely to get into a better routine as the holidays progress?
Maybe you can go to bed earlier and ask him to do any evening chores. Seeing as he won't be as tired as you after his lie in?

What are the morning jobs that he's not doing?

This is me and my DH.
It’s taken years for me to accept that we just run on different schedules.
He does all his useful things from about 3pm onwards until midnight.
I stop being useful around 8pm!
It did cause some issues when the Dc were little but we worked it out.
He does work full time and is up at 7 for that.
I also had to put a stop to starting stuff at 11 just as I want to sleep!
It does still bug me occasionally but I’ve mostly learned to let it go and enjoy the quiet house in the morning.
OP- I think you really need to work out what it is that you need him to do that he’s not doing. Does his being a late sleeper actually make your life harder? If so then you need a compromise. If not, and he’s doing his share of jobs in the time he is awake then I think you need to let him be. At least some of the time.

It's feeding a few pets, not getting a couple of preschoolers out to nursery in time for work. If OP is up anyway - whether for work or by choice - I think it's fine for her to do that

Like I said, I'm sure there's something her DH can do in the evening to balance it out if she feels the need.

I am one of those posters who is often shocked and appalled at poor behaviour from men, but I'm really struggling here to see why it's such an outrage.

What chores? In our house, the chores that need to be done today include:
1 feeding pets. yes, that had to be done first thing and I did it as I'm up for work.
2 vacuuming - can be done any time and as teenage DS and his buddy appear to have taken over the lounge, it can't be done until later anyway (set up by DH after I went to bed last night as he'd have had to move the mattresses for them)
3 Take DD to the library and to buy new shoes - late morning/afternoon is totally fine for this
4 Change bedding - must be done before I go to bed tonight at around 10:30
5 Load of washing - I'm about to put one on, it can be hung up by DH later
6 Unload the dishwasher - okay, admittedly, in the perfect world someone else will do this but I might do it because otherwise the kitchen starts to get cluttered. But if I did leave it, DH would have no problem doing it when he gets up later.
7 Help PIL with some random chore - DH will go round there this afternoon. Probably with DD
8 Take DS to his activity - it only starts at 7pm.
9 Make dinner. Clearly that's an evening task
10 walk dog. I will do that later this afternoon

See? A DH sleeping until 13:00 barely impacts any of these tasks.

Lazy bastard should be getting a job. If in your mind he is healthy enough to do jobs with you and get out of bed - then whatever stuff you are going through (sound like BS to me) he should have some self respect and earn some money

If they live in a house with poor transport links, I wonder who is driving the teens to all the things they want to do, including picking them up late after parties etc?

Is this DH by any chance?

He's an adult - it's up to him whether he stays in bed or not.

If he's lazy and not doing his share of jobs, then address that. There's no inherent issue with him staying in bed.

He needs a job. Humans need purpose and belonging and he won't find that on his own under the duvet. There is no reason a fit and healthy adult should be lying in his pit til noon every day like a teenager. I would find this really unattractive, I wouldn't be going in trying to wake him up but I would be going off him more and more every day.

Yes exactly, your husband could start calling them ‘evening’ or ‘night jobs’ also and start making you stay up to do them. Does he contribute in the evenings?

Is he just not pulling his weight ? Is that the problem?

He should be taking his fair turn at doing any essential morning jobs. Insist on that, but if they aren’t essential then as long as he does his fair share, it doesn’t matter what time he does them.

Maybe this is the issue. I've taken the view that on the face of it, her DH is doing what my DH does which is prefer to sleep late but still 100% contributing, doing his fair share etc.

But if there's a history of him being lazy, leaving her to pick up the pieces, refusing to work etc, then perhaps it's that which is triggering OP.

In which case, I'd say that the issue isn't that he's sleeping late. It's that he's not, overall, pulling his weight.

So what household chores does he do?

Can you have a rota for looking after animals?

I think we all know what the actual problem is.... she's with the wrong person.

@Sleepiboi Can I ask why neither of you work?

Sounds like there's more to this, especially if he's sleeping till 1pm every day - is he going to bed mega late, or could he be depressed. You say he's not working and there's a lot going on - what is going on?

My DH lies in bed sometimes until 11/12, but he's self employed and working on his phone. So gets loads done, but just does it from bed. Doesn't bother me at all.

Does he do his share of the chores when he gets up?
does the issues that mean he isn’t working at the moment affect his sleep / mental health or anything
do you work op?

My OH sleeps a lot. I just leave him, when he's asleep he isn't making a mess or getting on my nerves. 🙂

For me it would largely depend on; a) why he is not working, b) if he brings in any income at all and c) does he do lots around the house when he is awake.

Truthfully though, I would find it annoying to be up and about and have DH laying in bed til noon every day!

I think replies would have been different if the opening post said that he was unemployed.

Well yes, I was wondering that. It does sound like very mismatched body clocks, a problem that was perhaps masked for years by children and work. But if he gets up to do the school run etc it doesn't sound like he's a lazy bastard or anything.

OP sounds like you need a bit of a reset for the summer. Sounds like you've had some heavy shit on, embrace the lower level of responsibilities you seemingly have these days and accept you've much more time for leisure.

I think the reason he's not working is very relevant here. If it's physical or mental health problems I would let him sleep

You need to explain why you both don't work . And why not. And is he doing his share of the chores when he does wake up. Otherwise we can't see what the problem is.

I don't get why are you trying to wake him up seven times to do what? A job that can be done anytime? Why are you not both in work?

We don't know why he's unemployed though, sounds like they've had issues that could explain the unemployment - health, disability, recovery from bereavement with an inheritance paying for time off etc etc etc. Unemployment isn't inherently lazy.

Why do you not say whether you work or not?

These animals that you talk about, do you have a farm or is it just a couple of dogs and a cat? And whose idea was to get these was your idea or was it if it was his idea then fair enough? He needs to get up and help with them. If it was your idea then there your job there’s nothing more than someone who decides to get an animal but then expect everyone else in the house to chip in and look after the animal too.

What “morning jobs” are you doing alone? Can he not do them before he goes to bed?

This reminds me of when I was still living at home and I had a job that meant I got home at 5am and my (retired at 55) mother would vacuum my room at 8am and spend all morning clattering around and saying “I like to get my jobs done in the morning! I can’t lie around all day!”. She never moved after about 6pm, whereas I did an 8 hour shift in a demanding job in that time. Ok, it’s not exactly the same as your dh is unemployed but lazy is not doing the jobs at all, not doing them in your waking hours and not in your sleeping ones. I run late - when i have a few days off in a row my body clock drifts to its natural rhythm. I do the same things in a day if I’m awake between 6am and 10pm as I do if I’m awake between 11am and 3am. What’s lazy about it? Lots of early risers no virtually zero housework after about 8pm but that’s not considered lazy for some reason.
DH works evenings, gets home about 1-2am, gets washed, has supper, watches tv, walks the dog, goes to bed about 4-5am and gets up around 12-1. This isn’t lazier than someone who gets home at 5pm, has dinner, gets washed, walks the dog, watches tv, goes to bed at 10pm and gets up at 6am.